1
00:00:03,051 --> 00:00:04,951
Dammit!

2
00:00:05,359 --> 00:00:06,323
Come on.

3
00:00:06,448 --> 00:00:07,605
Oh, Elroy!

4
00:00:07,730 --> 00:00:08,780
Elroy, hey.

5
00:00:12,095 --> 00:00:14,890
- Computer no worky.
- Please don't do that.

6
00:00:16,216 --> 00:00:19,002
- Computer no worky.
- Did you forget your password again?

7
00:00:19,127 --> 00:00:22,036
Pelton, I can't keep track of all
the parakeets you had growing up.

8
00:00:22,396 --> 00:00:23,431
This is different.

9
00:00:23,556 --> 00:00:25,859
No matter what I do,
I get the same error.

10
00:00:26,025 --> 00:00:26,818
Which one?

11
00:00:27,076 --> 00:00:29,401
You have been owned
by Elite Fleet 69.

12
00:00:29,526 --> 00:00:32,074
Our hacks are all up in your systems.

13
00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:35,577
I'm not bothering to pronounce them,
but there are a lot of z's being used.

14
00:00:38,433 --> 00:00:39,456
Oh, crap.

15
00:00:39,622 --> 00:00:41,122
What?

16
00:00:41,582 --> 00:00:44,628
Is there another Mask
movie coming out?

17
00:00:44,794 --> 00:00:46,672
- The school's been hacked.
- What?

18
00:00:46,838 --> 00:00:49,075
- How can we stop it?
- It's too late, it's happened.

19
00:00:50,007 --> 00:00:53,204
No parlo hablo too late
at Greendale Elroy.

20
00:00:53,329 --> 00:00:55,222
There's always something
that can be done.

21
00:00:55,388 --> 00:00:57,443
You know I, I wasn't
gonna say anything but.

22
00:00:57,568 --> 00:00:59,393
You could cut the
hardline at the mainframe.

23
00:00:59,559 --> 00:01:01,109
Hardline.
Mainframe.

24
00:01:03,688 --> 00:01:08,318
To the mainframe!
To the mainframe!

25
00:01:09,300 --> 00:01:13,200
Cut the hardline.

26
00:01:14,006 --> 00:01:17,234
- You were being sarcastic?
- Yeah, but you should look at this.

27
00:01:18,480 --> 00:01:20,372
Cancel your offensive performance.

28
00:01:20,538 --> 00:01:22,036
You know the one we mean.

29
00:01:22,161 --> 00:01:23,806
We have all your information.

30
00:01:23,931 --> 00:01:27,303
If you do not cancel
this hateful comedy show,

31
00:01:27,428 --> 00:01:29,950
you will taste our power in this way.

32
00:01:30,075 --> 00:01:31,633
- There's a link.
- Don't click it.

33
00:01:31,891 --> 00:01:34,791
Oh, what, the green skull
will give me a virus?

34
00:01:35,870 --> 00:01:36,805
My God.

35
00:01:37,478 --> 00:01:39,098
It's the lunch lady's emails.

36
00:01:39,223 --> 00:01:41,923
It's all the lunch lady's emails.

37
00:01:42,935 --> 00:01:44,010
Which lunch lady?

38
00:01:44,135 --> 00:01:45,202
The hot one?

39
00:01:47,199 --> 00:01:49,718
You mean the one who
serves the hot food?

40
00:01:49,843 --> 00:01:52,386
Mmm, that's the one.

41
00:02:20,640 --> 00:02:22,976
Resync for WEB-DL by Kyros
www.addic7ed.com

42
00:02:33,174 --> 00:02:35,930
Please tell me you guys aren't
sitting there reading the lunch lady's

43
00:02:36,055 --> 00:02:37,104
leaked e-mails.

44
00:02:37,229 --> 00:02:41,856
No one here could ever do that, not
even in shifts, it's decades of data.

45
00:02:41,981 --> 00:02:45,040
I'm reading the Greendale Gazette's
highlights of the lunch lady's e-mails.

46
00:02:45,206 --> 00:02:46,893
I found a torrent of all the highlights
if you don't want to wait for

47
00:02:47,018 --> 00:02:47,841
the ads to load.

48
00:02:47,966 --> 00:02:49,044
Abed, that's stealing.

49
00:02:49,210 --> 00:02:50,113
Those ads are there

50
00:02:50,238 --> 00:02:52,130
so the Gazette can pay people to go
through the lunch lady's email.

51
00:02:52,356 --> 00:02:54,401
Not to get too liberal,
but once they're online,

52
00:02:54,526 --> 00:02:57,052
does anyone really own
the lunch lady's emails?

53
00:02:57,218 --> 00:02:59,811
That's why the future of the
internet is branded content.

54
00:02:59,936 --> 00:03:03,433
WazzleDazzle.com has got five Bacardi
cocktails inspired by the lunch

55
00:03:03,558 --> 00:03:05,310
lady's most embarrassing secrets.

56
00:03:06,978 --> 00:03:08,688
You guys are violating her privacy.

57
00:03:08,854 --> 00:03:11,007
I'm pretty sure the
media's doing that, Britta.

58
00:03:11,132 --> 00:03:12,442
We're just reading the news.

59
00:03:12,608 --> 00:03:15,686
The police are here, about
our computers being hacked.

60
00:03:17,267 --> 00:03:18,227
Hi, guys.

61
00:03:18,352 --> 00:03:21,076
I see a few familiar faces here.
A few new ones, as well.

62
00:03:23,045 --> 00:03:25,947
No, just gonna keep the cop you've
known for five years at arms length?

63
00:03:26,072 --> 00:03:26,873
I get it.

64
00:03:27,039 --> 00:03:28,416
What have you boys been
able to figure out?

65
00:03:28,582 --> 00:03:29,398
Don't call us boys.

66
00:03:29,523 --> 00:03:30,500
And it's a unique case,

67
00:03:30,625 --> 00:03:33,471
because it's hard to decide
what laws are being broken.

68
00:03:33,596 --> 00:03:35,423
Unless you count the
lunch lady's sex life.

69
00:03:40,279 --> 00:03:41,408
Thanks, thanks a lot.

70
00:03:41,533 --> 00:03:45,805
Anyway, our city does have a
cyber-crime division, but it's well,

71
00:03:45,930 --> 00:03:47,230
it's pretty new.

72
00:03:47,544 --> 00:03:49,633
Any leads?
Officer Warburton.

73
00:03:49,758 --> 00:03:51,335
I want McDonald's.

74
00:03:52,425 --> 00:03:53,401
Wants.

75
00:03:53,526 --> 00:03:54,919
McDonald's.

76
00:03:55,044 --> 00:03:56,817
Some of you probably can't
see from where you're sitting.

77
00:03:56,942 --> 00:03:59,871
It's literally a child in an
adult sized police uniform.

78
00:03:59,996 --> 00:04:01,908
It's cute, but it doesn't
help our situation.

79
00:04:02,340 --> 00:04:03,577
So what do we make of the demands?

80
00:04:04,066 --> 00:04:06,020
Well we were able to
find out a little more.

81
00:04:06,145 --> 00:04:09,671
This message was posted
online and signed, The Hackers.

82
00:04:09,796 --> 00:04:13,003
And we assume it's legit because
well, that's just where we're at.

83
00:04:14,420 --> 00:04:16,643
Greendale, cancel the performance
of the terrorist comedian

84
00:04:16,768 --> 00:04:21,441
Gupta Gupti Gupta, who seeks to
spread hatred with his hateful comedy.

85
00:04:21,566 --> 00:04:23,390
You guys booked Gupta Gupti Gupta?

86
00:04:23,804 --> 00:04:25,132
$700.

87
00:04:25,257 --> 00:04:27,685
Oh my God, Dean, he's
renowned for his racist act.

88
00:04:27,810 --> 00:04:29,861
How can he be racist?

89
00:04:29,986 --> 00:04:31,711
Listen to his name.

90
00:04:31,836 --> 00:04:34,471
Well, the message says if you don't
cancel his performance, what happened

91
00:04:34,596 --> 00:04:37,485
to the lunch lady's gonna happen to
everyone on the activities committee.

92
00:04:38,309 --> 00:04:39,642
We don't have a...

93
00:04:39,767 --> 00:04:40,864
Oh, God, that's us.

94
00:04:41,989 --> 00:04:43,985
- So, what do we do?
- That's up to the school.

95
00:04:44,110 --> 00:04:46,949
Though I'm just a cop, born in a
small town, raised in the heartland,

96
00:04:47,074 --> 00:04:50,248
but I say cancel the performance, and
give the government the sweeping powers

97
00:04:50,414 --> 00:04:53,043
it needs to detect and eliminate
people before they turn into hackers.

98
00:04:53,619 --> 00:04:54,836
Think that's all I've got.

99
00:04:55,002 --> 00:04:56,423
How's everything otherwise?

100
00:04:56,548 --> 00:05:00,050
Stoked for avengers,
avengers, avengers, avengers?

101
00:05:00,584 --> 00:05:02,378
I hear Marvel got really
hands on this time,

102
00:05:02,503 --> 00:05:05,419
they really pinned in Joss Whedon
creatively, so how can that go wrong?

103
00:05:05,544 --> 00:05:07,220
Okay, see ya.

104
00:05:10,948 --> 00:05:12,735
I guess I'm gonna call
a press conference

105
00:05:12,860 --> 00:05:14,419
and announce the comedy is cancelled.

106
00:05:14,544 --> 00:05:15,857
Wait hold on.

107
00:05:19,230 --> 00:05:20,111
What's that?

108
00:05:20,460 --> 00:05:22,280
Do your thing, inspire them.

109
00:05:22,446 --> 00:05:23,365
To do what?

110
00:05:23,531 --> 00:05:25,174
To rise to the occasion.

111
00:05:25,299 --> 00:05:27,410
To not let these
hackers push us around.

112
00:05:29,453 --> 00:05:31,590
Don't you guys think that
we have an obligation here?

113
00:05:31,872 --> 00:05:33,583
The cop says no.

114
00:05:33,749 --> 00:05:37,873
Well the cops say that your car
trunk has something to do with 9/11.

115
00:05:37,998 --> 00:05:40,257
They're not philosophers,
they're crossing guards with guns.

116
00:05:40,596 --> 00:05:42,342
This is on us as a committee.

117
00:05:42,508 --> 00:05:44,036
The eyes of the world...

118
00:05:44,161 --> 00:05:45,845
Are within hundreds
of miles of this room.

119
00:05:46,291 --> 00:05:48,139
Okay, how about the
eyes of something bigger?

120
00:05:48,305 --> 00:05:49,508
Aren't you an atheist?

121
00:05:49,633 --> 00:05:51,184
Don't you hate this government?

122
00:05:51,309 --> 00:05:53,311
Are you even planning on
going to see this comic?

123
00:05:53,477 --> 00:05:57,858
Yes, pretty much and of course
not, I was planning to protest him.

124
00:05:57,983 --> 00:06:00,360
But I can't believe
I'm the one saying this.

125
00:06:00,526 --> 00:06:02,940
For God sakes,
we're freaking Americans.

126
00:06:03,065 --> 00:06:06,007
We're talking about freedom of
speech, it's the amendment so

127
00:06:06,132 --> 00:06:08,702
important it's literally the
first one they remembered to add.

128
00:06:08,868 --> 00:06:10,578
- For white people.
- With penises.

129
00:06:11,178 --> 00:06:13,665
We prefer to be called people
without color or vaginas.

130
00:06:13,831 --> 00:06:16,586
Look, I know some things
have gotten too simple

131
00:06:16,711 --> 00:06:18,552
and other things have gotten
too complicated,

132
00:06:18,677 --> 00:06:20,922
but we still have a legacy
and a job in this country.

133
00:06:21,298 --> 00:06:24,483
We're the colony so high
maintenance the British gave up.

134
00:06:24,608 --> 00:06:27,646
We're so obnoxious the
French sent us a statue.

135
00:06:27,928 --> 00:06:29,877
Nobody tells us to shut up.

136
00:06:30,181 --> 00:06:33,143
And yes, I know that our wealth
is no longer distributed, and yes,

137
00:06:33,541 --> 00:06:36,938
our democracy has been hijacked and
turned into a puppet show about two

138
00:06:37,336 --> 00:06:40,275
fake parties that are controlled
by a cartel of monopolies, and

139
00:06:40,808 --> 00:06:43,278
yes, if our votes had any
real power they'd be illegal.

140
00:06:43,920 --> 00:06:46,367
Britta!
Freedom of speech acknowledged.

141
00:06:46,492 --> 00:06:47,574
Trust us.

142
00:06:47,740 --> 00:06:49,443
Cancel the show and
you cancel people.

143
00:06:49,568 --> 00:06:52,370
- Might as well bring dinosaurs back.
- What? Let her finish.

144
00:06:52,536 --> 00:06:55,300
Britta, you saw what they
did to the lunch lady.

145
00:06:55,425 --> 00:06:57,541
You wanna guess how much
better my emails are?

146
00:06:57,666 --> 00:07:00,712
You want me to call a press
conference and say, now do me?

147
00:07:00,878 --> 00:07:03,620
No, I'll do it.

148
00:07:03,745 --> 00:07:05,733
Let them leak me.

149
00:07:09,663 --> 00:07:11,431
I'm not letting you do this alone.

150
00:07:13,007 --> 00:07:13,808
Screw it.

151
00:07:14,548 --> 00:07:15,685
I'm in.

152
00:07:17,473 --> 00:07:21,730
Someone has to be the last to stand
up, and now that someone isn't me.

153
00:07:21,855 --> 00:07:25,320
I kinda zoned out and assume
we're standing to go see Avengers.

154
00:07:25,486 --> 00:07:27,946
These guys are giving
hackers a bad name.

155
00:07:28,071 --> 00:07:30,575
And hacker is already
such a dumb name.

156
00:07:31,275 --> 00:07:33,701
I'm not an idealist,
I'm a pragmatist.

157
00:07:33,826 --> 00:07:35,875
And it's never pragmatic
to piss you guys off.

158
00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:38,792
So, fine.

159
00:07:39,398 --> 00:07:40,377
You guys.

160
00:07:40,543 --> 00:07:42,529
This is so inspiring.

161
00:07:42,654 --> 00:07:45,838
I guess,
just let me know how it goes.

162
00:07:45,963 --> 00:07:48,671
No matter what happens I'm with you,
but don't tell anyone I'm with you.

163
00:07:48,796 --> 00:07:51,501
If you do, I'll deny it, but
I'm with you here and now.

164
00:07:51,626 --> 00:07:54,342
Not literally here and
now, right now I'm leaving,

165
00:07:54,467 --> 00:07:56,815
but I will always have
been with you secretly.

166
00:07:56,940 --> 00:07:57,941
Bye.

167
00:07:59,695 --> 00:08:03,608
The performance by Gupta Gupti
Gupta will go on as scheduled tomorrow

168
00:08:03,816 --> 00:08:07,751
night, and we encourage anyone who
believes in freedom to attend M.

169
00:08:07,876 --> 00:08:09,280
Gupta's performance.

170
00:08:09,446 --> 00:08:12,283
Although, as a woman, and someone
with many Jewish and black friends,

171
00:08:12,449 --> 00:08:14,785
I will be deeply offended.

172
00:08:14,910 --> 00:08:18,581
I'm petitioning to have M. Gupta
banned from all campuses across America.

173
00:08:18,899 --> 00:08:20,583
But, one thing at a time.

174
00:08:20,801 --> 00:08:24,617
First, freedom of speech does not
just apply to speech you want to hear.

175
00:08:24,742 --> 00:08:26,108
Case in point, am I right?

176
00:08:27,014 --> 00:08:28,800
Definitely get my good side,
right here.

177
00:08:29,113 --> 00:08:30,360
Oh, I'm being censored!

178
00:08:30,485 --> 00:08:31,615
I'm being censored!

179
00:08:31,740 --> 00:08:33,737
Anyway, there's coffee
and scotch in the corner.

180
00:08:33,862 --> 00:08:36,298
Screw the hackers and
long live Greendale!

181
00:08:41,946 --> 00:08:44,524
All right, I'll see you guys at
sound check in the cafeteria tomorrow.

182
00:08:44,690 --> 00:08:47,489
And there is a good chance that
we are going to be targeted, so

183
00:08:47,614 --> 00:08:49,383
nobody gets on the internet tonight.

184
00:08:49,508 --> 00:08:51,781
- What do we say?
- No peeking at the leaking.

185
00:08:51,947 --> 00:08:53,116
Promise, promise, promise?

186
00:08:53,282 --> 00:08:54,283
Okay.

187
00:08:56,067 --> 00:08:56,875
Jeff.

188
00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:57,804
Mm.

189
00:08:57,929 --> 00:08:59,942
Thank you for backing me up,
a little.

190
00:09:00,067 --> 00:09:02,298
Well, you turned into the
path of least resistance.

191
00:09:02,423 --> 00:09:05,161
Deflect all you want, but you're putting
your ass one the line for an ideal.

192
00:09:05,286 --> 00:09:07,672
Well, maybe a fraction of
a butt cheek on the line.

193
00:09:07,838 --> 00:09:10,806
It's not like I used that stupid
Greendale email for anything

194
00:09:10,931 --> 00:09:13,418
but porn subscriptions and
improv show mailing lists.

195
00:09:13,761 --> 00:09:17,195
What makes you think it's only your
Greendale email they'll be leaking?

196
00:09:17,473 --> 00:09:19,809
Because they hacked Greendale.

197
00:09:19,975 --> 00:09:21,352
Do you have a computer
in your office?

198
00:09:21,518 --> 00:09:22,437
Yes.

199
00:09:22,603 --> 00:09:24,522
Do you check your
emails on that computer?

200
00:09:24,688 --> 00:09:25,815
Uh-huh.

201
00:09:25,981 --> 00:09:27,609
You look at boobies on it?

202
00:09:28,464 --> 00:09:30,028
One time.

203
00:09:30,194 --> 00:09:31,813
They got it.

204
00:09:31,938 --> 00:09:34,164
They got everything.

205
00:09:35,991 --> 00:09:37,774
It's Vietnam now, baby.

206
00:09:37,899 --> 00:09:39,732
It's Vietnam!

207
00:09:45,006 --> 00:09:47,068
Anyways, like I said, thanks.

208
00:10:11,689 --> 00:10:12,820
Hello.

209
00:10:12,986 --> 00:10:14,280
Hello.

210
00:10:24,703 --> 00:10:25,625
Girls.

211
00:10:25,791 --> 00:10:27,710
- Frankie.
- Francesca.

212
00:10:27,876 --> 00:10:30,547
Word around school is our
emails have been leaked.

213
00:10:30,954 --> 00:10:31,923
Is that so?

214
00:10:32,089 --> 00:10:34,050
Oh, the first you've heard of it?

215
00:10:34,216 --> 00:10:36,052
I guess I heard some rumblings.

216
00:10:36,218 --> 00:10:37,554
Hm, rumblings.

217
00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:39,347
Hm. Hm.

218
00:10:46,370 --> 00:10:47,308
Hello, Jeff.

219
00:10:47,433 --> 00:10:48,760
Hello, Jeff.

220
00:10:48,885 --> 00:10:50,832
Jeff Winger.

221
00:10:51,108 --> 00:10:52,109
Annie.

222
00:10:52,429 --> 00:10:53,430
Britta.

223
00:10:54,192 --> 00:10:55,238
Frankie.

224
00:11:04,065 --> 00:11:05,623
I hear the hackers leaked our emails.

225
00:11:05,789 --> 00:11:07,584
Yeah. Something like that.

226
00:11:08,423 --> 00:11:09,794
Should we help set up chairs?

227
00:11:09,960 --> 00:11:11,029
Sure.

228
00:11:21,183 --> 00:11:25,442
Something was wrong with that one.

229
00:11:25,567 --> 00:11:28,067
Bad chair.

230
00:11:29,515 --> 00:11:30,842
Hi, how's everybody doing?

231
00:11:30,967 --> 00:11:32,275
I asked a damn question.

232
00:11:32,441 --> 00:11:33,443
Fine.

233
00:11:33,609 --> 00:11:34,444
New look.

234
00:11:34,610 --> 00:11:35,927
I'm glad you like it.

235
00:11:36,052 --> 00:11:39,365
I'd hate to think my wardrobe wasn't
passing muster with this group.

236
00:11:39,490 --> 00:11:42,994
So here I am in a brand new outfit
with an up-to-the-minute shirt.

237
00:11:43,160 --> 00:11:43,899
Okay.

238
00:11:44,024 --> 00:11:46,179
I'm not usually the best at
non-verbal cues, so I have to ask,

239
00:11:46,304 --> 00:11:48,791
is it possible that everyone here but me
read all of each other's leaked emails?

240
00:11:48,957 --> 00:11:50,627
- No. Absolutely not.
- It's possible.

241
00:11:51,993 --> 00:11:53,264
I read it all.

242
00:11:53,389 --> 00:11:54,964
I read all your crap.

243
00:11:56,366 --> 00:12:00,483
I have read everything you guys
have ever wrote about me in an email.

244
00:12:00,608 --> 00:12:04,390
And you guys are the
worst people in the world.

245
00:12:04,556 --> 00:12:05,917
Screw you guys.

246
00:12:06,042 --> 00:12:07,018
Not cool.

247
00:12:07,184 --> 00:12:09,479
Mean, mean, mean.

248
00:12:09,645 --> 00:12:11,522
- Point it at me and I will eat it!
- What?

249
00:12:11,688 --> 00:12:13,608
I will bite your little
finger off and I will eat it!

250
00:12:13,930 --> 00:12:15,816
Then, let's see
you type more descriptions

251
00:12:15,941 --> 00:12:18,404
of my Houseguest-era Sinbad wardrobe.

252
00:12:18,570 --> 00:12:19,523
Ah-ha.

253
00:12:19,648 --> 00:12:23,215
That's a direct quote from a
really mean email I wrote about him.

254
00:12:23,340 --> 00:12:24,994
So now who's the bad guy?

255
00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:26,399
How much of the
leak did each of you read?

256
00:12:26,524 --> 00:12:27,455
I have a right to fit in!

257
00:12:27,621 --> 00:12:28,447
Okay, stop it!

258
00:12:28,572 --> 00:12:30,429
Why don't we all
just admit that we...

259
00:12:30,554 --> 00:12:31,819
I'm not admitting it.

260
00:12:31,944 --> 00:12:34,294
- Come on.
- Oh, Annie, get over it.

261
00:12:34,614 --> 00:12:38,675
You had my blood tested
for amphetamines?

262
00:12:38,841 --> 00:12:41,305
You were extra jumpy last spring.

263
00:12:41,430 --> 00:12:43,295
We had to double check to be safe.

264
00:12:43,420 --> 00:12:46,895
I don't think I'm jumpy enough
if my friends can steal my blood.

265
00:12:47,182 --> 00:12:48,476
Oh, you gave it to us.

266
00:12:49,409 --> 00:12:50,853
For that human genome project?

267
00:12:51,019 --> 00:12:52,602
We only used half of it for that.

268
00:12:52,727 --> 00:12:54,023
By the way,
you're one percent Neanderthal.

269
00:12:54,189 --> 00:12:55,149
Ew.

270
00:12:55,315 --> 00:12:57,735
How can you judge anyone,
light switch licker?

271
00:12:58,230 --> 00:12:59,404
Like this, ew.

272
00:13:00,010 --> 00:13:01,689
You guys hear that sound?

273
00:13:02,197 --> 00:13:04,467
That is the sound of
the hackers winning.

274
00:13:04,592 --> 00:13:08,555
Our school's out there right now,
pawing through our dirty laundry,

275
00:13:08,680 --> 00:13:11,290
laughing at us, waiting
to see what we're gonna do,

276
00:13:11,690 --> 00:13:16,469
waiting to see who wins in the
battle between terror and cool.

277
00:13:17,649 --> 00:13:18,840
We got to be cool, man.

278
00:13:20,632 --> 00:13:22,009
We got to be cool.

279
00:13:25,721 --> 00:13:27,345
And set up for a show.

280
00:13:30,042 --> 00:13:33,206
Abed, if you wouldn't mind
please checking the sound system.

281
00:13:33,331 --> 00:13:34,188
No problem.

282
00:13:34,354 --> 00:13:36,006
Unless you're too busy
telling your girlfriend

283
00:13:36,131 --> 00:13:37,275
I don't understand Donnie Darko.

284
00:13:37,441 --> 00:13:38,234
Annie.

285
00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:39,401
I'm cool.

286
00:13:40,068 --> 00:13:41,571
I'll set up the box office.

287
00:13:43,687 --> 00:13:47,997
Oh, or will me opening a box
office unfairly influence wagers

288
00:13:48,122 --> 00:13:51,664
in your betting pool
about my sexual preference?

289
00:13:52,081 --> 00:13:55,126
We saw this one coming,
and we are so sorry.

290
00:13:55,292 --> 00:13:56,183
Oh, that cuts it.

291
00:13:56,308 --> 00:13:58,695
The word sorry fills that
crater right to the brim, yeah.

292
00:13:58,820 --> 00:13:59,672
Oh, boo hoo.

293
00:14:01,139 --> 00:14:03,565
Your friends are curious
about your night life.

294
00:14:03,690 --> 00:14:05,011
We kept it among friends.

295
00:14:05,260 --> 00:14:09,415
You told human resources I
was a functional alcoholic.

296
00:14:09,540 --> 00:14:12,365
I am required to file a
report on every teacher, and

297
00:14:12,490 --> 00:14:14,812
if you throw another
tantrum I will revise yours.

298
00:14:15,340 --> 00:14:17,255
To what? Non-lethal murderer?

299
00:14:17,380 --> 00:14:19,415
Armless javelin thrower?

300
00:14:19,540 --> 00:14:22,265
What in your unqualified,
buzzword-bloated,

301
00:14:22,390 --> 00:14:26,282
little red school house of a
brain is a functional alcoholic?

302
00:14:26,570 --> 00:14:28,785
What in your brain is
a chapstick lesbian?

303
00:14:28,951 --> 00:14:31,496
To me, 300 bucks.
Unless you care to refute it.

304
00:14:31,815 --> 00:14:36,705
My sexuality is of zero concern
to my job and to everyone here.

305
00:14:36,830 --> 00:14:40,295
I swear, if you people were
trapped on a tiger-infested island

306
00:14:40,420 --> 00:14:45,092
with no food or water, you would
judge every ship that came to save you.

307
00:14:45,550 --> 00:14:47,970
How does the tigers survive
without food or water?

308
00:14:48,136 --> 00:14:50,084
Oh, it's not cute, Annie.

309
00:14:50,209 --> 00:14:51,790
And I read your entry in the pool.

310
00:14:51,915 --> 00:14:55,252
Was your goal to win
or just be disgusting?

311
00:14:55,377 --> 00:14:57,463
I had to pick last.

312
00:14:57,729 --> 00:15:00,869
Yeah, well, we all read about
ourselves in your weirdly long,

313
00:15:00,994 --> 00:15:04,925
melodramatic emails to your sister,
who you might notice never responds.

314
00:15:05,050 --> 00:15:06,125
Take a hint.

315
00:15:06,250 --> 00:15:07,251
She's dead.

316
00:15:10,826 --> 00:15:15,315
I pretend to write her
emails as a journaling device.

317
00:15:15,440 --> 00:15:18,499
You wretched, evasive little gremlin.

318
00:15:18,792 --> 00:15:22,046
Okay, why don't we just
call that rock bottom.

319
00:15:22,212 --> 00:15:23,662
Check one, check two.

320
00:15:23,787 --> 00:15:25,758
Check one, check two.

321
00:15:26,027 --> 00:15:30,194
Well, well, well, it looks like Jeff
Winger auto-paid his car insurance and

322
00:15:30,319 --> 00:15:32,557
Annie's book club has
a meeting tomorrow.

323
00:15:33,969 --> 00:15:36,143
Where do you guys find the bad stuff?

324
00:15:37,135 --> 00:15:40,617
Maybe, maybe what we all need to
do here is have everyone in the room

325
00:15:40,742 --> 00:15:43,285
address and own one thing
that they know is out there.

326
00:15:43,410 --> 00:15:46,195
No blame, no shame.
Just an explanation.

327
00:15:46,361 --> 00:15:47,486
I'll start.

328
00:15:47,611 --> 00:15:49,975
Now, I'm sure by now, you've all
seen the emails between me and

329
00:15:50,100 --> 00:15:51,993
the Patterson family of Herndon,
Virginia.

330
00:15:52,630 --> 00:15:53,475
Not me. No.

331
00:15:53,600 --> 00:15:56,837
I received their first letter
as part of a family email chain,

332
00:15:56,962 --> 00:15:57,999
Christmas of 2007.

333
00:15:58,165 --> 00:15:59,500
I don't think you owe us.

334
00:15:59,666 --> 00:16:02,555
Although, I, I didn't
understand why they'd written me.

335
00:16:02,680 --> 00:16:04,275
I responded politely.

336
00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:07,110
When I realized they had somehow
mistaken me for their cousin.

337
00:16:07,235 --> 00:16:10,725
For some reason, I
suppose it was loneliness,

338
00:16:10,850 --> 00:16:13,222
I simply failed to disabuse
them of that notion.

339
00:16:13,388 --> 00:16:14,465
Well, that's...

340
00:16:14,590 --> 00:16:18,358
I've come to love Barb and
George, and Gelson and Roselle.

341
00:16:18,483 --> 00:16:21,397
And even Uncle Paul
with all his flaws.

342
00:16:21,902 --> 00:16:25,339
And even though our relationship
is based on a lie, for me it's.

343
00:16:28,342 --> 00:16:29,864
One of the realest, I'll ever know.

344
00:16:30,345 --> 00:16:31,157
Mm.

345
00:16:33,325 --> 00:16:35,953
I hope you don't think by explaining
that, you're off the hook for

346
00:16:36,078 --> 00:16:40,416
the 3D models you've been making of
our bodies without our permission.

347
00:16:40,856 --> 00:16:43,336
That's what those photos were for?

348
00:16:43,502 --> 00:16:45,630
I'm making a game about
lady time travelers.

349
00:16:46,098 --> 00:16:47,648
Where in your pants?

350
00:16:48,013 --> 00:16:49,425
That's pretty creepy, Elroy.

351
00:16:49,591 --> 00:16:51,570
Oh, you guys are so suave.

352
00:16:51,959 --> 00:16:53,559
You're such gentlemen.

353
00:16:53,989 --> 00:16:56,815
You and Chang have a daily
email chain ranking Annie and

354
00:16:56,940 --> 00:16:58,059
Britta one and two.

355
00:16:58,350 --> 00:17:02,271
By which you mean, Chang emails me
rankings every day and I don't respond.

356
00:17:02,437 --> 00:17:06,214
Except for February 7th, 2013.

357
00:17:06,339 --> 00:17:08,425
Chang, Britta is one, Annie is two.

358
00:17:08,550 --> 00:17:10,636
Jeff, ha, yeah.

359
00:17:10,761 --> 00:17:12,638
Jeff, gross.

360
00:17:12,763 --> 00:17:17,286
And Britta, way to instantly memorize
the exact date of your big victory.

361
00:17:17,452 --> 00:17:20,373
Hé, silver and gold,
ladies, ain't no losers there.

362
00:17:20,812 --> 00:17:22,875
Okay, I think we're losing
sight of what's important.

363
00:17:23,041 --> 00:17:25,055
Says the woman suing
her father for $80.

364
00:17:25,180 --> 00:17:27,455
Tell it to your fake family.

365
00:17:27,580 --> 00:17:30,883
Have you made any creepy
boob models of Jezel yet?

366
00:17:31,049 --> 00:17:32,635
Jezel is like a daughter to me.

367
00:17:32,801 --> 00:17:36,347
But arguably more like a
daughter to her parents.

368
00:17:36,590 --> 00:17:38,975
Didn't you have your own family?

369
00:17:39,141 --> 00:17:40,916
Oh, go write an astronaut.

370
00:17:41,351 --> 00:17:44,450
Oh, did anyone see Jeff's letters?
He writes to astronauts.

371
00:17:44,575 --> 00:17:45,690
Talk about creepy.

372
00:17:45,856 --> 00:17:47,024
They're national heroes!

373
00:17:47,190 --> 00:17:48,985
Yes, they are!
Leave them alone.

374
00:17:49,151 --> 00:17:50,486
Ooh, this I gotta see.

375
00:17:50,652 --> 00:17:52,187
You know, what I don't want to see?

376
00:17:52,312 --> 00:17:53,957
Your exchanges with your life coach

377
00:17:54,082 --> 00:17:55,825
about the study group
when we were dating.

378
00:17:55,991 --> 00:17:59,495
Oh, and by the way, clearly,
not a life coach, and absolutely,

379
00:17:59,620 --> 00:18:02,957
just an Italian sociopath
you met at a dispensary.

380
00:18:03,250 --> 00:18:04,792
You two dated?

381
00:18:04,958 --> 00:18:07,503
- This was a study group?
- Yeah, Chang was our teacher.

382
00:18:07,669 --> 00:18:08,465
What?

383
00:18:08,590 --> 00:18:12,504
That's right, and frankly,
haven't been well utilized since.

384
00:18:16,366 --> 00:18:19,580
Dear Reid Wiseman, congratulations
on your successful return to Earth...

385
00:18:19,705 --> 00:18:20,723
Ladies.

386
00:18:21,266 --> 00:18:22,190
Video games.

387
00:18:22,315 --> 00:18:23,958
Do you have any more advice?

388
00:18:26,379 --> 00:18:29,768
Dear new ensemble, I
love you more than my dad.

389
00:18:32,402 --> 00:18:33,403
What!

390
00:18:35,512 --> 00:18:37,283
This is Gupta Gupti Gupta.

391
00:18:37,449 --> 00:18:39,288
Yeah, hi.
Fine, whatever.

392
00:18:39,413 --> 00:18:40,536
Congratulations.

393
00:18:40,851 --> 00:18:41,958
You guys okay?

394
00:18:42,412 --> 00:18:43,821
To tell you the truth, Gupta Gupti,

395
00:18:43,946 --> 00:18:45,249
we've been
through a bit of a rough patch.

396
00:18:45,415 --> 00:18:48,899
Yeah, the dean was telling me about
it and I've been reading about it.

397
00:18:49,211 --> 00:18:50,838
Hope you were entertained.

398
00:18:51,111 --> 00:18:53,591
To be honest, I'm really grateful.

399
00:18:55,865 --> 00:18:59,452
This is the first school in six
months that hasn't canceled, so thanks.

400
00:19:02,224 --> 00:19:04,039
I'm gonna go get ready.

401
00:19:08,836 --> 00:19:10,983
We really did the
right thing didn't we?

402
00:19:11,149 --> 00:19:11,953
Yeah.

403
00:19:12,078 --> 00:19:14,024
It doesn't matter what
we read in the leaks or

404
00:19:14,149 --> 00:19:15,905
what we said to each other tonight.

405
00:19:16,190 --> 00:19:18,685
What matters is that right
now here on this campus,

406
00:19:18,810 --> 00:19:20,034
the people are in charge.

407
00:19:20,460 --> 00:19:21,645
Not the hackers.

408
00:19:21,770 --> 00:19:25,012
Not the media,
not the cops, the people.

409
00:19:25,137 --> 00:19:26,415
Abed, go put on some music.

410
00:19:26,782 --> 00:19:28,751
Elroy, Jeff,
put out some more chairs.

411
00:19:28,917 --> 00:19:31,024
Annie get ready to
introduce our star.

412
00:19:31,149 --> 00:19:33,130
Chang, go talk to
yourself in the corner.

413
00:19:33,296 --> 00:19:35,146
Frankie, let the people in.

414
00:19:47,085 --> 00:19:47,920
Hé.

415
00:19:48,045 --> 00:19:49,046
Hi.

416
00:20:01,015 --> 00:20:02,143
Hé. Hé, Neil.

417
00:20:02,268 --> 00:20:03,368
Hé.

418
00:20:04,245 --> 00:20:05,815
That's the whole audience?

419
00:20:05,940 --> 00:20:07,240
I...

420
00:20:07,602 --> 00:20:09,159
I can't do a show for one person.

421
00:20:09,784 --> 00:20:11,669
Well, you kinda have to.

422
00:20:11,835 --> 00:20:13,337
But I'd rather not.

423
00:20:13,503 --> 00:20:14,790
Well, you have to, jackass,

424
00:20:14,915 --> 00:20:17,258
because there's more at stake
here than what you'd rather do.

425
00:20:21,128 --> 00:20:23,145
Oh, God.

426
00:20:23,270 --> 00:20:25,669
There's a new message from the hackers.
Everyone, quiet down!

427
00:20:25,794 --> 00:20:27,110
Abed, cut the music.

428
00:20:28,219 --> 00:20:30,980
People of Greendale, your activities
committee has defied our demands, and

429
00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:34,191
the horrible racist comedian
is still about to perform.

430
00:20:34,357 --> 00:20:35,981
Yeah, that's right.
We beat you.

431
00:20:36,106 --> 00:20:38,061
If this performance
goes on as scheduled,

432
00:20:38,186 --> 00:20:40,473
all of your information
will be published.

433
00:20:40,739 --> 00:20:42,698
If you do not want this to happen,

434
00:20:43,116 --> 00:20:45,560
you will find a way to
stop this performance.

435
00:20:48,371 --> 00:20:49,331
Whoa! Stop, stop, hey!

436
00:20:49,497 --> 00:20:50,524
Sit down, Neil!

437
00:20:50,649 --> 00:20:54,402
You can stop me, but you can't stop
the people from stopping this show.

438
00:20:54,711 --> 00:20:56,411
Shhhh.

439
00:20:57,889 --> 00:21:01,189
You hear that?

440
00:21:03,511 --> 00:21:04,726
My God!

441
00:21:04,851 --> 00:21:06,849
It's the people coming
to stop the show.

442
00:21:07,753 --> 00:21:08,934
Now what do we do?

443
00:21:09,100 --> 00:21:10,262
We have to stop the people.

444
00:21:10,387 --> 00:21:12,204
Their freedom of
speech depends on it.

445
00:21:12,329 --> 00:21:13,689
Frankie, Chang, bar the doors.

446
00:21:13,855 --> 00:21:15,483
Annie, introduce him, quick!

447
00:21:25,241 --> 00:21:26,401
I don't wanna do this.

448
00:21:27,035 --> 00:21:30,245
Listen, you piece of crap, we've
been to hell and back for you.

449
00:21:30,370 --> 00:21:32,750
Get up there and do your
stupid act for freedom.

450
00:21:33,210 --> 00:21:34,710
Okay, okay.

451
00:21:34,876 --> 00:21:38,905
Ladies and gentlemen, he's performed
at colleges and clubs all over.

452
00:21:39,297 --> 00:21:40,365
Gupta Gupti Gupta!

453
00:21:43,827 --> 00:21:45,582
Hé, y'all.

454
00:21:45,707 --> 00:21:49,141
Look, I see there's a
lot of Jews in the crowd.

455
00:21:49,307 --> 00:21:53,229
I mean, you know, there isn't, but
usually when I do my act, there's more.

456
00:21:53,754 --> 00:21:56,090
But, you know,
I have a whole Jew thing.

457
00:21:56,215 --> 00:21:57,915
Do it!

458
00:21:58,176 --> 00:21:59,260
Okay, okay.

459
00:21:59,385 --> 00:22:00,444
Who is this guy?

460
00:22:00,610 --> 00:22:01,779
Stop performing!

461
00:22:01,945 --> 00:22:03,378
Do not stop performing!

462
00:22:04,728 --> 00:22:06,009
Okay, this guy.

463
00:22:06,134 --> 00:22:08,175
Look at him.
It looks like he ate so much.

464
00:22:08,300 --> 00:22:09,203
He's very fat.

465
00:22:09,369 --> 00:22:10,371
Don't do this to me.

466
00:22:10,537 --> 00:22:11,651
Shut up and listen.

467
00:22:11,776 --> 00:22:15,245
I see that you're fat, but
are you also black or Jewish?

468
00:22:15,370 --> 00:22:18,015
You know, it's hard to be
fat when you're black or

469
00:22:18,140 --> 00:22:22,135
Jewish because when you're black,
your community steals all your food, so

470
00:22:22,260 --> 00:22:24,265
you can't eat as much.

471
00:22:24,390 --> 00:22:27,455
And when you're Jewish,
nobody ever buys anything,

472
00:22:27,580 --> 00:22:31,542
so you can't eat as much.

473
00:22:31,850 --> 00:22:35,003
You're damned if you do,
you're damned if you don't.

474
00:22:38,715 --> 00:22:40,343
Oh, dear God.

475
00:22:40,468 --> 00:22:42,178
The bastards did it.

476
00:22:42,303 --> 00:22:44,653
They leaked the entire school's data.

477
00:22:55,315 --> 00:22:56,388
Oh, okay.

478
00:22:56,513 --> 00:22:58,027
So hey, fat guy in the audience.

479
00:22:58,152 --> 00:23:02,405
Have you found anyone else you
could love, like another fat person?

480
00:23:02,922 --> 00:23:06,552
Or, are you one of those fat
people who will always be alone?

481
00:23:16,166 --> 00:23:19,982
Hé, Leonard, you enjoy
my girlfriend in 2009?

482
00:23:20,148 --> 00:23:23,736
As much as she enjoyed
your plagiarized poetry.

483
00:23:24,109 --> 00:23:26,143
I will kill you.

484
00:23:26,268 --> 00:23:27,815
Don't act like you care about me.

485
00:23:27,940 --> 00:23:30,346
I've seen all of your
cartoons about me.

486
00:23:30,471 --> 00:23:32,970
I am this school's worst nightmare!

487
00:23:33,095 --> 00:23:34,096
I am a.

488
00:23:39,989 --> 00:23:42,850
Man, it's like Road
Warrior out there,

489
00:23:42,975 --> 00:23:46,342
but if petrol were privacy and
bad teeth were dirty secrets.

490
00:23:46,508 --> 00:23:48,328
Good news!
Neil's talking to us again.

491
00:23:48,453 --> 00:23:50,594
He says he respects our moral
position, but not our execution.

492
00:23:50,719 --> 00:23:52,181
Also, he says he's never
talking to us again.

493
00:23:52,347 --> 00:23:54,611
I don't see how we can
bounce back from this one.

494
00:23:54,736 --> 00:23:56,101
- This one?
- Yeah.

495
00:23:56,267 --> 00:23:58,651
If you follow a theme of revealed
secrets, the email hack is the third

496
00:23:58,776 --> 00:24:00,896
installment of a trilogy that
began with Annie losing a pen,

497
00:24:01,021 --> 00:24:02,524
in what I've come to
call the Golden Age.

498
00:24:02,690 --> 00:24:05,464
I'm guessing the second chapter would
be when your best friend vanished on

499
00:24:05,589 --> 00:24:08,280
a mysterious boat trip after the
older one masturbated himself to death?

500
00:24:08,614 --> 00:24:09,615
Yeah.

501
00:24:09,781 --> 00:24:12,659
If that's one you guys bounced
back from, we might be okay.

502
00:24:12,825 --> 00:24:14,228
What's the lesson here?

503
00:24:14,353 --> 00:24:17,145
I always wanna make sure
I know what the lesson is.

504
00:24:17,270 --> 00:24:18,582
I'm a completist.

505
00:24:18,748 --> 00:24:20,465
The rest of the school's in shambles,

506
00:24:20,590 --> 00:24:23,253
so maybe we're more evolved
and forgiving than them.

507
00:24:23,419 --> 00:24:24,463
We already know that, stupid.

508
00:24:25,272 --> 00:24:28,085
I feel more desensitized to
jokes about Jews and blacks.

509
00:24:28,210 --> 00:24:30,594
- Is that good?
- Say what?

510
00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:32,364
We know the pieces of our privacy,
freedom of speech,

511
00:24:32,489 --> 00:24:33,430
terrorism, and government.

512
00:24:33,596 --> 00:24:35,309
So, the lesson is
probably an ironic pairing,

513
00:24:35,434 --> 00:24:36,725
like one man's privacy
is another man's freedom.

514
00:24:36,891 --> 00:24:38,185
Government is terrorism.

515
00:24:38,351 --> 00:24:40,646
The only free speech
is private speech.

516
00:24:41,019 --> 00:24:44,231
À free government terrorizes privacy.

517
00:24:44,356 --> 00:24:45,984
That's all four, bitches.

518
00:24:46,150 --> 00:24:49,445
Terror is terrorized by...

519
00:24:49,612 --> 00:24:51,150
Terry the terrorist?

520
00:24:51,275 --> 00:24:55,742
Tarry not, for terrorism terrifies.

521
00:24:55,867 --> 00:24:57,078
Government.

522
00:24:57,203 --> 00:24:58,787
Speech.

523
00:24:58,912 --> 00:25:00,124
Government.

524
00:25:04,632 --> 00:25:06,093
We caught the hacker.

525
00:25:06,218 --> 00:25:10,201
This is Ryan, AKA
StringCheeseHustler, AKA Fartmitzvah,

526
00:25:10,326 --> 00:25:14,220
Skullandboners88,
Frozensucked, Captaintitty.

527
00:25:14,345 --> 00:25:16,068
You don't need to know all his names.

528
00:25:16,193 --> 00:25:17,847
He lives across the
street from the campus,

529
00:25:17,972 --> 00:25:19,780
and he's got something
he wants to say.

530
00:25:20,726 --> 00:25:21,776
Don't you?

531
00:25:22,082 --> 00:25:23,730
- I'm sorry.
- For what?

532
00:25:23,896 --> 00:25:27,025
For guessing your school
master password was changeme.

533
00:25:27,191 --> 00:25:28,192
Oops.

534
00:25:29,569 --> 00:25:31,665
How do you sleep at night, Warburton?

535
00:25:31,790 --> 00:25:33,240
You were one of us.

536
00:25:33,547 --> 00:25:34,450
You were free.

537
00:25:34,616 --> 00:25:36,945
No one's free when
they're one of anything.

538
00:25:37,070 --> 00:25:41,235
And to answer your question, I
sleep alone with one eye open.

539
00:25:41,360 --> 00:25:45,007
That's why I'm not the one in cuffs.

540
00:25:45,132 --> 00:25:49,261
Let's go, Fartmitzvah.

541
00:25:49,386 --> 00:25:50,924
Crime doesn't pay.

542
00:25:51,090 --> 00:25:53,594
Crime doesn't pay.

543
00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:55,012
Crime doesn't pay.

544
00:26:07,739 --> 00:26:09,248
I'm sorry if I used photography

545
00:26:09,373 --> 00:26:11,820
to digitally approximate
some of your naked bodies.

546
00:26:12,468 --> 00:26:13,489
It's all right.

547
00:26:13,994 --> 00:26:15,203
It is? No!

548
00:26:23,352 --> 00:26:24,166
Anything?

549
00:26:24,422 --> 00:26:26,745
Same as yesterday.

550
00:26:26,870 --> 00:26:29,895
Big cloud of data
raining over a pasture.

551
00:26:30,020 --> 00:26:31,855
All 8 billion sheep keep grazing.

552
00:26:32,298 --> 00:26:35,398
Is that good?

553
00:26:36,329 --> 00:26:37,829
Sure.

554
00:26:38,120 --> 00:26:41,183
The thing you said back there
about not being a part of anything.

555
00:26:41,450 --> 00:26:43,476
Is that really how you feel?

556
00:26:43,601 --> 00:26:46,065
It's not a question of how I feel.

557
00:26:46,190 --> 00:26:47,535
I feel like flying.

558
00:26:47,660 --> 00:26:49,066
I don't jump off buildings.

559
00:26:51,159 --> 00:26:52,949
Do you believe in God, Warburton?

560
00:26:54,320 --> 00:26:56,865
You know, there's no rule that
says we have to be friends, right?

561
00:26:57,031 --> 00:26:59,076
How about common courtesy?
Familiar with that rule?

562
00:26:59,444 --> 00:27:02,614
The words common and
courtesy have opposite values.

563
00:27:02,739 --> 00:27:05,840
Common courtesy is just
gibberish, hocus pocus,

564
00:27:05,965 --> 00:27:08,818
a spell we cast when
hoping to cheat reality.

565
00:27:09,873 --> 00:27:11,443
You're a cynical son of a bitch.

566
00:27:11,568 --> 00:27:12,953
I'll give you that.

567
00:27:13,078 --> 00:27:16,218
You know, my wife, she
makes these dream catchers.

568
00:27:16,384 --> 00:27:17,975
Shut the hell up.

569
00:27:18,100 --> 00:27:20,097
How fast can you get us
to the mainframe hardline?

570
00:27:20,263 --> 00:27:21,763
Yankee Doodle Dandy!

571
00:27:26,776 --> 00:27:30,184
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