1
00:00:02,168 --> 00:00:03,795
[♪♪♪]
2
00:00:03,970 --> 00:00:05,562
Damn it.
3
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:08,873
Ugh. Come on. Oh, Elroy?
4
00:00:09,075 --> 00:00:11,339
Elroy? Hey.
5
00:00:13,279 --> 00:00:15,839
- Computer no worky.
- Please don't do that.
6
00:00:17,183 --> 00:00:19,845
- Computer no worky.
- Did you forget your password again?
7
00:00:20,020 --> 00:00:23,217
Pelton, I can't keep track of all
the parakeets you had growing up.
8
00:00:23,390 --> 00:00:25,381
This is different. No matter what I do...
9
00:00:25,592 --> 00:00:27,787
...I get the same error.
- Which one?
10
00:00:27,994 --> 00:00:33,022
"You have been owned by Elite Fleet 69.
Our hacks are all up in your systems."
11
00:00:33,233 --> 00:00:37,670
I'm not bothering to pronounce them,
but there are a lot of Z's being used.
12
00:00:39,339 --> 00:00:40,397
Oh, crap.
13
00:00:40,607 --> 00:00:42,006
What?
14
00:00:42,575 --> 00:00:45,567
Is there another Mask movie
coming out?
15
00:00:45,812 --> 00:00:47,609
- The school's been hacked.
- Wha...?
16
00:00:47,847 --> 00:00:50,816
- How can we stop it?
- It's too late. It's happened.
17
00:00:51,017 --> 00:00:54,009
No parlo hablo too late at Greendale,
Elroy.
18
00:00:54,187 --> 00:00:56,178
There's always something
that can be done.
19
00:00:56,389 --> 00:01:00,348
I wasn't gonna say anything, but you
could cut the hard line at the mainframe.
20
00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:02,551
Hard line. Mainframe.
21
00:01:03,730 --> 00:01:06,062
I have to cut the hard line
on the mainframe.
22
00:01:06,266 --> 00:01:09,258
WOMAN: Hey!
PELTON: Clear a path to the mainframe!
23
00:01:09,469 --> 00:01:14,532
I have to cut the hard line.
24
00:01:14,741 --> 00:01:16,038
You were being sarcastic.
25
00:01:16,242 --> 00:01:19,211
Yeah. But you should look at this.
26
00:01:19,412 --> 00:01:21,346
PELTON:
"Cancel your offensive performance.
27
00:01:21,548 --> 00:01:22,845
You know the one we mean.
28
00:01:23,049 --> 00:01:24,744
We have all your information.
29
00:01:24,951 --> 00:01:28,216
If you do not cancel
this hateful comedy show...
30
00:01:28,421 --> 00:01:31,652
...you will taste our power in this way."
- There's a link.
31
00:01:31,891 --> 00:01:35,452
- Wait, don't click it.
- What, the green skull will get a virus?
32
00:01:36,663 --> 00:01:37,755
My God.
33
00:01:38,298 --> 00:01:43,736
It's the lunch lady's e-mails.
It's all the lunch lady's e-mails.
34
00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:46,997
Which lunch lady? The hot one?
35
00:01:48,374 --> 00:01:50,842
You mean
the one who serves the hot food?
36
00:01:51,010 --> 00:01:53,774
Hm. That's the one.
37
00:01:54,514 --> 00:01:55,776
[THE 88'S "AT LEAST IT WAS HERE"
PLAYING]
38
00:01:55,949 --> 00:01:58,110
♪ Give me some rope
Tie me to dream ♪
39
00:01:58,284 --> 00:02:01,344
♪ Give me the hope
To run out of steam ♪
40
00:02:01,521 --> 00:02:04,786
♪ Somebody said
It can be here ♪
41
00:02:04,958 --> 00:02:08,758
♪ We could be roped up, tied up
Dead in a year ♪
42
00:02:08,928 --> 00:02:14,093
♪ I can't count the reasons
I should stay ♪
43
00:02:14,267 --> 00:02:18,260
♪ One by one
They all just fade away ♪♪
44
00:02:24,210 --> 00:02:26,906
[SKULLS LAUGHING ON SCREENS]
45
00:02:28,948 --> 00:02:30,973
[♪♪♪]
46
00:02:33,786 --> 00:02:37,779
Please tell me you aren't sitting there
reading the lunch lady's leaked e-mails.
47
00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:39,822
JEFF:
No, no one here could ever do that.
48
00:02:40,026 --> 00:02:42,722
I mean, not even in shifts,
it's decades of data.
49
00:02:42,962 --> 00:02:45,954
I'm reading the Greendale Gazette's
highlights of the e-mails.
50
00:02:46,166 --> 00:02:49,465
I found a torrent of the highlights
if you don't wanna wait for ads.
51
00:02:49,636 --> 00:02:53,128
Abed, that's stealing. Ads are there
so the Gazette can pay people.
52
00:02:53,306 --> 00:02:55,467
Not to get liberal,
but once they're online...
53
00:02:55,642 --> 00:02:58,042
...does anyone really own
the lunch lady's e-mails?
54
00:02:58,211 --> 00:03:00,509
The future of the Internet
is branded content.
55
00:03:00,713 --> 00:03:03,546
Wazzledazzle. Com's
got five Bacardi cocktails...
56
00:03:03,750 --> 00:03:07,049
...inspired by the lunch lady's
most embarrassing secrets.
57
00:03:07,954 --> 00:03:09,683
You guys are violating her privacy.
58
00:03:09,856 --> 00:03:13,417
I'm pretty sure the media's doing that.
We're just reading the news.
59
00:03:13,593 --> 00:03:17,859
The police are here
about our computers being hacked.
60
00:03:18,264 --> 00:03:21,995
Hi, guys. I see a few familiar faces
here, a few new ones as well.
61
00:03:23,970 --> 00:03:27,770
Just gonna keep the cop you've known
for five years at arm's length? I get it.
62
00:03:28,007 --> 00:03:30,999
- What have you been able to figure out?
- It's a unique case...
63
00:03:31,177 --> 00:03:34,112
...because it's hard to decide
what laws are being broken...
64
00:03:34,347 --> 00:03:36,338
...unless count
the lunch lady's sex life.
65
00:03:36,549 --> 00:03:39,074
[ALL LAUGHING]
66
00:03:41,287 --> 00:03:45,690
Thanks. Thanks a lot. Anyway, our city
does have a cybercrime division, but...
67
00:03:45,892 --> 00:03:48,190
Well, it's pretty new.
68
00:03:48,394 --> 00:03:50,294
Any leads, Officer Warburton?
69
00:03:50,530 --> 00:03:52,998
I want McDonald's.
70
00:03:53,199 --> 00:03:55,929
Wants McDonald's.
71
00:03:56,135 --> 00:04:00,572
Assuming you probably can't see, it's
a child in an adult-size police uniform.
72
00:04:00,773 --> 00:04:02,900
It's cute,
but doesn't help our situation.
73
00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:04,737
PELTON:
What do we make of the demands?
74
00:04:04,911 --> 00:04:06,708
We were able to find out a little more.
75
00:04:06,913 --> 00:04:10,314
This message was posted online
and signed, "the hackers."
76
00:04:10,550 --> 00:04:13,917
And we assume it's legit because,
well, that's just where we're at.
77
00:04:14,787 --> 00:04:17,517
"Cancel the performance
of the terrorist comedian...
78
00:04:17,724 --> 00:04:18,952
...Gupta Gupti Gupta...
79
00:04:19,158 --> 00:04:22,127
...who seeks to spread hatred
with his hateful comedy."
80
00:04:22,328 --> 00:04:24,558
You guys booked Gupta Gupti Gupta?
81
00:04:24,764 --> 00:04:27,164
- Seven hundred dollars.
- Oh, my God, dean...
82
00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:29,265
...he's renowned for his racist act.
83
00:04:29,469 --> 00:04:30,561
How can he be racist?
84
00:04:30,770 --> 00:04:32,067
Listen to his name.
85
00:04:32,238 --> 00:04:34,934
The message says, "If you don't cancel
his performance...
86
00:04:35,141 --> 00:04:38,440
...what happened to the lunch lady's
going to happen to everyone."
87
00:04:38,611 --> 00:04:40,408
Ha. We don't have a...
88
00:04:40,613 --> 00:04:41,773
Oh, God, that's us.
89
00:04:42,949 --> 00:04:44,678
- What do we do?
- That's up to the school.
90
00:04:44,917 --> 00:04:47,909
I'm just a cop born in a small town,
raised in the heartland...
91
00:04:48,087 --> 00:04:51,147
...but cancel the performance.
Give the government the powers...
92
00:04:51,357 --> 00:04:53,951
...to eliminate people
before they turn into hackers.
93
00:04:54,761 --> 00:04:57,093
That's all I've got.
How's everything, otherwise?
94
00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:58,924
Stoked for Avengers? Avengers?
95
00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:00,960
Avengers? Avengers?
96
00:05:02,268 --> 00:05:05,169
Marvel got hands-on. They
pinned in Joss Whedon creatively...
97
00:05:05,371 --> 00:05:08,465
...so how can that go wrong?
Okay, see you.
98
00:05:11,878 --> 00:05:15,109
I'm gonna call a press conference,
announce the comedy is canceled.
99
00:05:15,281 --> 00:05:16,771
BRITTA:
Wait, hold on.
100
00:05:20,353 --> 00:05:22,321
- What's that?
- Do your thing.
101
00:05:22,522 --> 00:05:24,285
- Inspire them.
- To do what?
102
00:05:24,490 --> 00:05:28,324
To rise to the occasion, to not let
these hackers push us around.
103
00:05:30,396 --> 00:05:32,694
Don't you think
that we have an obligation here?
104
00:05:32,865 --> 00:05:34,492
The cop says no.
105
00:05:34,701 --> 00:05:38,865
Well, the cops say that your car trunk
has something to do with 9/11.
106
00:05:39,105 --> 00:05:41,164
They're crossing guards with guns.
107
00:05:41,374 --> 00:05:44,502
This is on us as a committee,
the eyes of the world are...
108
00:05:44,711 --> 00:05:47,145
Aren't within hundreds of miles
of this room.
109
00:05:47,313 --> 00:05:49,144
How about the eyes
of something bigger?
110
00:05:49,315 --> 00:05:51,909
Aren't you an atheist?
Don't you hate this government?
111
00:05:52,151 --> 00:05:54,210
Are you planning on going
to see this comic?
112
00:05:54,420 --> 00:05:58,186
Yes, pretty much, and, of course not,
I was planning to protest him.
113
00:05:58,391 --> 00:06:01,258
But... I can't believe
I'm the one saying this.
114
00:06:01,494 --> 00:06:03,553
For God's sakes,
we're freaking Americans.
115
00:06:03,763 --> 00:06:05,560
We're talking
about freedom of speech.
116
00:06:05,732 --> 00:06:09,634
It's the amendment so important, it's
the first one they remembered to add.
117
00:06:09,836 --> 00:06:11,497
- For white people.
- With penises.
118
00:06:11,704 --> 00:06:14,571
We prefer to be called
people without color or vaginas.
119
00:06:14,774 --> 00:06:19,040
I know some things have gotten simple,
other things have gotten complicated...
120
00:06:19,245 --> 00:06:21,907
...but we still have a legacy
and a job in this country.
121
00:06:22,081 --> 00:06:25,244
We're the colony so high maintenance,
the British gave up.
122
00:06:25,451 --> 00:06:28,682
We're so obnoxious,
the French sent us a statue.
123
00:06:28,888 --> 00:06:30,913
Nobody tells us to shut up.
124
00:06:31,157 --> 00:06:34,058
And, yes, I know that our wealth
is no longer distributed.
125
00:06:34,260 --> 00:06:37,855
And, yes, our democracy has been
hijacked and turned into a puppet show...
126
00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:41,192
...about two fake parties
controlled by a cartel of monopolies...
127
00:06:41,401 --> 00:06:44,199
...and if our votes had any real power,
they'd be illegal.
128
00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:48,465
Britta! Freedom of speech
acknowledged. Trust us.
129
00:06:48,708 --> 00:06:51,939
Cancel the show, cancel people.
Might as well bring dinosaurs back.
130
00:06:52,111 --> 00:06:53,271
What? Let her finish.
131
00:06:53,479 --> 00:06:55,879
Britta, you saw what they did
to the lunch lady.
132
00:06:56,082 --> 00:06:58,380
You wanna guess
how much better my e-mails are?
133
00:06:58,584 --> 00:07:01,610
You want me to call a press conference
and say, "Now do me?"
134
00:07:01,821 --> 00:07:03,914
No. I'll do it.
135
00:07:05,558 --> 00:07:06,923
Let them leak me.
136
00:07:10,463 --> 00:07:12,328
I'm not letting you do this alone.
137
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:14,730
FRANKIE:
Screw it.
138
00:07:15,568 --> 00:07:16,592
I'm in.
139
00:07:18,237 --> 00:07:21,206
Someone has to be the last one
to stand up and that isn't me.
140
00:07:23,075 --> 00:07:26,238
I kind of zoned out and assume
we're standing to go see Avengers?
141
00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:28,437
These guys are giving hackers
a bad name.
142
00:07:28,648 --> 00:07:31,481
And hacker
is already such a dumb name.
143
00:07:31,717 --> 00:07:34,447
I'm not an idealist. I'm a pragmatist.
144
00:07:34,654 --> 00:07:39,717
And it's never pragmatic
to piss you guys off, so fine.
145
00:07:40,326 --> 00:07:43,124
Guys, this is so inspiring.
146
00:07:43,329 --> 00:07:47,732
I guess just let me know how it goes.
No matter what happens, I'm with you.
147
00:07:47,934 --> 00:07:50,300
But don't tell anyone.
If you do, I'll deny it...
148
00:07:50,503 --> 00:07:53,438
...but I'm with you here and now.
Not literally here and now.
149
00:07:53,606 --> 00:07:59,135
Right now I'm leaving, but I will always
have been with you secretly, bye.
150
00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:05,015
The performance by Gupta Gupti Gupta
will go on as scheduled tomorrow night...
151
00:08:05,251 --> 00:08:07,981
...and we encourage anyone
who believes in freedom...
152
00:08:08,187 --> 00:08:10,178
...to attend Mr. Gupta's performance.
153
00:08:10,389 --> 00:08:13,187
Although, as someone
with many Jewish and black friends...
154
00:08:13,392 --> 00:08:15,360
...I will be deeply offended...
155
00:08:15,561 --> 00:08:17,722
...and petitioning
to have Mr. Gupta banned...
156
00:08:17,897 --> 00:08:21,492
...from all campuses across America,
but one thing at a time.
157
00:08:21,701 --> 00:08:25,330
First, freedom of speech does not
just apply to speech you want to hear.
158
00:08:25,538 --> 00:08:27,529
Case in point, am I right?
159
00:08:27,773 --> 00:08:29,707
Stephanie,
get my good side right here.
160
00:08:30,142 --> 00:08:32,303
Oh, I'm being censored!
I'm being censored!
161
00:08:32,512 --> 00:08:34,503
There's coffee and Scotch
in the corner.
162
00:08:34,714 --> 00:08:37,547
Screw the hackers,
and long live Greendale.
163
00:08:37,717 --> 00:08:39,548
[ALL CHEERING]
164
00:08:42,321 --> 00:08:45,415
All right, I'll see you at sound check
in the cafeteria tomorrow.
165
00:08:45,658 --> 00:08:48,320
There is a good chance
we are going to be targeted...
166
00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:51,053
...so nobody gets on the Internet
tonight.
167
00:08:51,297 --> 00:08:54,027
BOTH: No peeking at the leaking.
- Promise, promise, promise?
168
00:08:54,233 --> 00:08:55,564
Okay.
169
00:08:57,003 --> 00:08:58,436
BRITTA: Jeff.
- Hm?
170
00:08:58,671 --> 00:09:00,798
Thank you for backing me up, a little.
171
00:09:01,007 --> 00:09:03,168
You turned into the path
of least resistance.
172
00:09:03,342 --> 00:09:05,867
You're putting your ass on the line
for an ideal.
173
00:09:06,078 --> 00:09:08,569
JEFF: Well, maybe a fraction
of a butt cheek on the line.
174
00:09:08,814 --> 00:09:11,009
It's not like I use
that Greendale e-mail...
175
00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:14,550
...for anything but porn subscriptions
and improv show mailing lists.
176
00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:18,212
What makes you think it's only your
Greendale e-mail they'll be leaking?
177
00:09:18,424 --> 00:09:20,722
Because they hacked Greendale.
178
00:09:20,927 --> 00:09:23,361
- You have a computer in your office?
- Yes.
179
00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:26,760
- Do you check e-mails on that computer?
- Uh-huh.
180
00:09:26,933 --> 00:09:28,525
You look at boobies on it?
181
00:09:29,602 --> 00:09:30,933
One time.
182
00:09:31,137 --> 00:09:32,434
They got it.
183
00:09:32,638 --> 00:09:35,539
They got everything. Ha, ha, ha.
184
00:09:36,943 --> 00:09:38,740
It's Vietnam now, baby.
185
00:09:38,945 --> 00:09:41,641
It's Vietnam. Ha, ha, ha.
186
00:09:45,851 --> 00:09:48,615
Anyways, like I said, thanks.
187
00:09:49,755 --> 00:09:51,416
[♪♪♪]
188
00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:56,728
[PEOPLE GIGGLING]
189
00:09:58,230 --> 00:09:59,663
There she is.
190
00:09:59,865 --> 00:10:01,457
[WOMAN LAUGHING]
191
00:10:05,304 --> 00:10:06,635
[SIGHS]
192
00:10:12,979 --> 00:10:15,243
- Hello.
- Hello.
193
00:10:17,316 --> 00:10:20,183
[♪♪♪]
194
00:10:25,825 --> 00:10:28,658
- Girls.
- Francesca.
195
00:10:28,894 --> 00:10:31,488
Word around school
is our e-mails have been leaked.
196
00:10:31,697 --> 00:10:32,891
Is that so?
197
00:10:33,099 --> 00:10:34,999
Oh, the first you've heard of it?
198
00:10:35,201 --> 00:10:37,032
I guess I heard some rumblings.
199
00:10:37,203 --> 00:10:40,297
- Hm. Rumblings.
BRITTA & FRANKIE: Hm.
200
00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:49,440
- Hello, Jeff.
- Hello, Jeff.
201
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:51,913
Jeff Winger.
202
00:10:52,118 --> 00:10:56,179
Annie. Britta. Frankie.
203
00:11:04,930 --> 00:11:08,525
- I hear the hackers leaked our e-mails.
ANNIE: Yeah, I heard something like that.
204
00:11:09,568 --> 00:11:12,662
- Shall we help set up chairs?
- Sure.
205
00:11:25,184 --> 00:11:27,209
Something was wrong with that one.
206
00:11:27,453 --> 00:11:29,387
Bad chair.
207
00:11:30,456 --> 00:11:33,220
Hi, how's everybody doing?
I asked a damn question.
208
00:11:33,459 --> 00:11:35,393
ALL: Fine.
- New look?
209
00:11:35,594 --> 00:11:36,686
I'm glad you like it.
210
00:11:36,896 --> 00:11:39,888
I'd hate to think my wardrobe
wasn't passing with this group...
211
00:11:40,066 --> 00:11:43,968
...so here I am in a brand-new outfit,
with an up-to-the-minute shirt.
212
00:11:44,170 --> 00:11:46,832
I'm not the best at non-verbal cues,
so I have to ask...
213
00:11:47,006 --> 00:11:49,736
...is it possible that everyone
read the leaked e-mails?
214
00:11:49,975 --> 00:11:52,603
BRITTA: Absolutely not possible, no.
ANNIE: Nope.
215
00:11:52,778 --> 00:11:55,906
I read it all! I read all your crap!
216
00:11:57,249 --> 00:11:58,511
I have read everything...
217
00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:01,516
...you guys have ever wrote about me
in an e-mail...
218
00:12:01,721 --> 00:12:05,350
...and you guys
are the worst people in the world.
219
00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:07,992
Screw you guys, not cool!
220
00:12:08,194 --> 00:12:10,424
Mean, mean, mean!
221
00:12:10,629 --> 00:12:14,565
Point it at me and I will eat it. I
will bite your finger off and I will eat it.
222
00:12:14,767 --> 00:12:16,735
Let's see you type more descriptions...
223
00:12:16,936 --> 00:12:19,404
...of my Houseguest- era
Sinbad wardrobe.
224
00:12:19,572 --> 00:12:23,941
Aha! That's a direct quote from a really
mean e-mail I wrote about him...
225
00:12:24,143 --> 00:12:25,940
...so now who's the bad guy?
226
00:12:26,145 --> 00:12:28,443
Okay, how much of the leak
did each of you read?
227
00:12:28,614 --> 00:12:30,946
Okay, stop it.
Why don't we just admit that we...?
228
00:12:31,117 --> 00:12:32,209
I'm not admitting it.
229
00:12:32,384 --> 00:12:35,285
ELROY: Oh, please.
BRITTA: Oh, Annie get over it.
230
00:12:35,521 --> 00:12:39,617
You had my blood tested
for amphetamines?!
231
00:12:39,825 --> 00:12:43,420
You were extra jumpy last spring,
and we had to double check to be safe.
232
00:12:43,629 --> 00:12:47,963
I don't think I'm jumpy enough
if my friends can steal my blood.
233
00:12:48,167 --> 00:12:49,429
Oh, you gave it to us.
234
00:12:49,635 --> 00:12:51,796
For that human genome project?
235
00:12:52,037 --> 00:12:54,972
We only used half of it for that.
You're 1 percent Neanderthal.
236
00:12:55,141 --> 00:12:56,165
Ew.
237
00:12:56,342 --> 00:12:58,674
How can you judge anyone,
light-switch-licker?
238
00:12:58,911 --> 00:13:00,344
Like this: Ew.
239
00:13:00,579 --> 00:13:01,773
You guys hear that sound?
240
00:13:03,182 --> 00:13:06,948
That's the sound of the hackers winning.
Our school is out there right now...
241
00:13:07,119 --> 00:13:10,145
...pawing through our dirty laundry,
laughing at us...
242
00:13:10,356 --> 00:13:12,290
...waiting to see what we're gonna do.
243
00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:18,090
Waiting to see who wins in the battle
between terror and cool.
244
00:13:18,297 --> 00:13:19,787
We gotta be cool, man.
245
00:13:20,699 --> 00:13:22,963
We gotta be cool.
246
00:13:23,202 --> 00:13:24,965
[BRITTA EXHALES]
247
00:13:26,705 --> 00:13:28,673
And set up for a show.
248
00:13:30,943 --> 00:13:32,535
Abed, if you wouldn't mind...
249
00:13:32,711 --> 00:13:35,179
...please, checking the sound system.
- No problem.
250
00:13:35,347 --> 00:13:38,282
Unless you're too busy telling
I don't understand Donnie Darko.
251
00:13:38,450 --> 00:13:40,611
BRITTA: Annie.
- I'm cool.
252
00:13:41,086 --> 00:13:42,519
I'll set up the box office.
253
00:13:44,590 --> 00:13:47,616
Oh, or will me opening a box office...
254
00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:50,694
...unfairly influence wagers
in your betting pool...
255
00:13:50,896 --> 00:13:52,625
...about my sexual preference?
256
00:13:52,998 --> 00:13:56,092
We saw this one coming,
and we are so sorry.
257
00:13:56,302 --> 00:14:00,671
Oh, that cuts it. The word "sorry"
fills that crater right to the brim, yeah.
258
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:03,900
Oh, boo-hoo. Your friends are curious
about your night life.
259
00:14:04,143 --> 00:14:05,974
We kept it among friends...
260
00:14:06,178 --> 00:14:09,636
...you told Human Resources
I was a "functional" alcoholic.
261
00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:12,716
I am required to file a report
on every teacher.
262
00:14:12,918 --> 00:14:15,751
And if you throw another tantrum,
I will revise yours.
263
00:14:15,988 --> 00:14:17,649
To what? Non-lethal murderer?
264
00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:19,848
Armless javelin thrower?
265
00:14:20,059 --> 00:14:23,051
What in your unqualified,
buzzword-bloated...
266
00:14:23,262 --> 00:14:27,221
...little red schoolhouse of a brain
is a functional alcoholic?
267
00:14:27,433 --> 00:14:29,731
What, in your brain
is a "ChapStick" lesbian?
268
00:14:29,935 --> 00:14:32,426
To me, 300 bucks,
unless you care to refute it.
269
00:14:32,671 --> 00:14:37,131
My sexuality is of zero concern
to my job and to everyone here.
270
00:14:37,343 --> 00:14:40,744
I swear, if you people were trapped
on a tiger-infested island...
271
00:14:40,946 --> 00:14:42,277
...with no food or water...
272
00:14:42,448 --> 00:14:46,043
...you would judge every ship
that came to save you.
273
00:14:46,252 --> 00:14:48,914
How do the tigers survive
without food or water?
274
00:14:49,154 --> 00:14:52,681
Oh, it's not cute, Annie,
and I read your entry in the pool.
275
00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:55,156
Was your goal to win
or just be disgusting?
276
00:14:56,262 --> 00:14:58,526
I had to pick last!
277
00:14:58,731 --> 00:15:00,596
Yeah? Well, we read about ourselves...
278
00:15:00,799 --> 00:15:03,529
...in your weirdly melodramatic e-mails
to your sister...
279
00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:06,466
...who you might notice
never responds, take a hint.
280
00:15:06,705 --> 00:15:08,468
She's dead.
281
00:15:11,810 --> 00:15:15,746
I pretend to write her e-mails
as a journaling device...
282
00:15:15,948 --> 00:15:19,577
...you wretched, invasive little gremlin!
283
00:15:19,785 --> 00:15:22,982
Okay, why don't we just call that
rock bottom?
284
00:15:23,222 --> 00:15:24,553
ABED [ON MIKE]:
Check one, check two.
285
00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:26,725
Check one, check two.
286
00:15:27,126 --> 00:15:31,222
Well, well, it looks like Jeff Winger
auto-paid his car insurance.
287
00:15:31,430 --> 00:15:33,489
Annie's book club
has a meeting tomorrow.
288
00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:37,091
Where'd you find the bad stuff?
289
00:15:38,137 --> 00:15:40,435
Maybe what we all need to do here...
290
00:15:40,639 --> 00:15:44,075
...is have everyone address and own
one thing they know is out there.
291
00:15:44,243 --> 00:15:47,178
No blame, no shame,
just an explanation.
292
00:15:47,346 --> 00:15:50,213
I'll start. I'm sure by now
you've all seen the e-mails...
293
00:15:50,416 --> 00:15:52,941
...between me and the Patterson family
of Virginia.
294
00:15:53,152 --> 00:15:54,244
- Not me.
- No.
295
00:15:54,453 --> 00:15:56,080
I received their first letter...
296
00:15:56,288 --> 00:15:58,950
...as part of a family e-mail chain
Christmas of 2007.
297
00:15:59,158 --> 00:16:01,126
- I don't think you owe us.
- Although I...
298
00:16:01,327 --> 00:16:04,728
I didn't understand why they had
written me, I responded politely.
299
00:16:04,930 --> 00:16:07,763
When I realized they had mistaken
me for their cousin...
300
00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:11,095
...for some reason,
I suppose it was loneliness...
301
00:16:11,303 --> 00:16:14,170
...I simply failed to disabuse them
of that notion.
302
00:16:14,373 --> 00:16:16,170
- Well, that's...
- I've come to love...
303
00:16:16,375 --> 00:16:19,276
...Barb and George
and Jelson and Riselle...
304
00:16:19,478 --> 00:16:23,107
...and even Uncle Paul
with all his flaws. Ha, ha, ha.
305
00:16:23,282 --> 00:16:25,876
And even though our relationship
is based on a lie...
306
00:16:26,118 --> 00:16:30,817
...for me, it's one of the realest
I'll ever know.
307
00:16:31,023 --> 00:16:32,991
ANNIE: Aw.
FRANKIE: Heh.
308
00:16:34,326 --> 00:16:38,387
I hope you don't think by explaining that,
you're off the hook for the 3D models...
309
00:16:38,564 --> 00:16:41,397
...you've been making of our bodies
without our permission.
310
00:16:41,700 --> 00:16:44,294
That's what those photos were for?
311
00:16:44,503 --> 00:16:46,562
I'm making a game
about lady time travelers.
312
00:16:46,972 --> 00:16:50,373
- Where, in your pants? Heh, heh, heh.
- It's pretty creepy, Elroy.
313
00:16:50,576 --> 00:16:52,544
Oh, you guys are so suave.
314
00:16:52,778 --> 00:16:54,541
You're such gentlemen.
315
00:16:54,780 --> 00:16:59,012
You and Chang have a daily e-mail chain
ranking Annie and Britta one and two.
316
00:16:59,218 --> 00:17:00,378
By which you mean...
317
00:17:00,586 --> 00:17:03,316
...Chang e-mails me rankings
every day, I don't respond.
318
00:17:03,489 --> 00:17:07,289
Uh, except for February 7th, 2013.
319
00:17:07,493 --> 00:17:09,723
"Chang: Britta is one, Annie is two.
320
00:17:09,928 --> 00:17:11,725
Jeff: Ha. Yeah."
321
00:17:11,930 --> 00:17:13,591
Jeff, gross.
322
00:17:13,832 --> 00:17:18,235
And, Britta, way to instantly memorize
the exact date of your big victory.
323
00:17:18,437 --> 00:17:21,372
Hey, silver and gold ladies,
ain't no losers there.
324
00:17:21,540 --> 00:17:23,838
I think we're losing sight
of what's important.
325
00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:26,841
Says the woman suing her father
for $80.
326
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:28,377
Tell it to your fake family.
327
00:17:28,580 --> 00:17:31,845
Have you made any creepy
boob models of Giselle yet?
328
00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:33,609
Riselle's like a daughter to me.
329
00:17:33,819 --> 00:17:37,311
But arguably more like a daughter
to her parents.
330
00:17:37,523 --> 00:17:39,923
Didn't you have your own family?
331
00:17:40,125 --> 00:17:42,184
- Go write an astronaut.
- Heh, heh.
332
00:17:42,361 --> 00:17:45,353
Oh, did anyone see Jeff"s letters?
He writes to astronauts.
333
00:17:45,564 --> 00:17:47,964
- Talk about creepy.
- They're national heroes!
334
00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:49,929
Yes, they are. Leave them alone!
335
00:17:50,135 --> 00:17:52,729
- Oh, this I got to see.
- Know what I don't wanna see?
336
00:17:52,938 --> 00:17:56,772
Your exchanges with your life coach
about the group when we were dating.
337
00:17:56,975 --> 00:17:59,375
Oh, and by the way,
clearly not a life coach...
338
00:17:59,578 --> 00:18:03,912
...and absolutely just an Italian
sociopath you met at a dispensary.
339
00:18:04,116 --> 00:18:05,743
You two dated?
340
00:18:05,951 --> 00:18:08,476
- This was a study group?
- Yeah, Chang was our teacher.
341
00:18:08,654 --> 00:18:10,451
FRANKIE & ELROY: What?
- That's right...
342
00:18:10,656 --> 00:18:13,625
...and frankly,
haven't been well-utilized since.
343
00:18:17,129 --> 00:18:20,155
"Dear Reid Wiseman, congratulations
on your return to Earth."
344
00:18:20,399 --> 00:18:22,890
A lady time traveling video game?
345
00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:25,662
JEFF: "Hey, Emilio,
I tried what you said about..."
346
00:18:25,904 --> 00:18:27,064
[ALL SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
347
00:18:27,239 --> 00:18:30,504
BRITTA: "Dear Neil Armstrong,
I love you more than my dad.
348
00:18:30,742 --> 00:18:33,176
- I would die if you gave me a hug."
PELTON: Hey, guys.
349
00:18:33,412 --> 00:18:35,380
ALL: What?!
PELTON: Oh.
350
00:18:36,582 --> 00:18:38,243
This is Gupta Gupti Gupta.
351
00:18:38,450 --> 00:18:41,476
Yeah, hi. Fine, whatever.
Congratulations.
352
00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:43,182
You guys okay?
353
00:18:43,422 --> 00:18:46,186
To tell you the truth,
we went through a rough patch.
354
00:18:46,425 --> 00:18:49,986
Yeah, the dean was telling me about it
and I've been reading about it.
355
00:18:50,195 --> 00:18:51,787
Hope you were entertained.
356
00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:54,531
To be honest, I'm really grateful.
357
00:18:56,768 --> 00:18:59,703
This is the first school in six months
that hasn't cancelled.
358
00:18:59,938 --> 00:19:01,132
So thanks.
359
00:19:03,208 --> 00:19:04,835
I'm gonna go get ready.
360
00:19:09,848 --> 00:19:11,941
We really did the right thing,
didn't we?
361
00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:14,949
Yeah. It doesn't matter
what we read in the leaks...
362
00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:18,487
...or what we said to each other.
What matters is that right now...
363
00:19:18,690 --> 00:19:21,022
...here on this campus,
the people are in charge.
364
00:19:21,193 --> 00:19:23,855
Not the hackers, not the media...
365
00:19:24,062 --> 00:19:25,825
...not the cops, the people.
366
00:19:26,031 --> 00:19:27,362
Abed, go put on some music.
367
00:19:27,566 --> 00:19:29,693
Elroy, Jeff, put out some more chairs.
368
00:19:29,935 --> 00:19:34,065
Annie, get ready to introduce our star.
Chang, go talk to yourself in the corner.
369
00:19:34,306 --> 00:19:36,240
Frankie, let the people in.
370
00:19:38,944 --> 00:19:41,435
[MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING
OVER SPEAKERS]
371
00:19:48,086 --> 00:19:50,748
- Hey.
- Hi.
372
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:03,160
- Hey.
- Hey, Neil.
373
00:20:03,368 --> 00:20:04,699
Hey.
374
00:20:05,270 --> 00:20:08,103
- That's the whole audience?
- I...
375
00:20:08,340 --> 00:20:10,331
I can't do a show for one person.
376
00:20:10,542 --> 00:20:12,601
Well, you kind of have to.
377
00:20:12,844 --> 00:20:14,277
But I'd rather not.
378
00:20:14,513 --> 00:20:19,348
You have to, because there's more at
stake here than what you'd rather do.
379
00:20:19,551 --> 00:20:21,542
[CELL PHONE BUZZING]
380
00:20:22,621 --> 00:20:25,283
Oh, God. There's a new message
from the hackers.
381
00:20:25,490 --> 00:20:27,481
Everyone quiet down.
Abed, cut the music.
382
00:20:28,927 --> 00:20:31,919
"Greendale, your activities committee
has defied our demands...
383
00:20:32,130 --> 00:20:35,122
...and the horrible racist comedian
is still about to perform."
384
00:20:35,367 --> 00:20:36,766
Yeah, right, we beat you.
385
00:20:37,002 --> 00:20:39,129
"If this performance goes on
as scheduled...
386
00:20:39,371 --> 00:20:41,532
...all of your information
will be published.
387
00:20:41,740 --> 00:20:43,901
If you do not want this to happen...
388
00:20:44,109 --> 00:20:46,600
...you will find a way
to stop this performance."
389
00:20:49,381 --> 00:20:51,781
- Whoa, stop, stop, hey!
JEFF: Sit down, Neil.
390
00:20:52,017 --> 00:20:55,453
You can stop me, but you can't stop
the people from stopping the show.
391
00:20:55,621 --> 00:20:56,645
Shh.
392
00:20:56,822 --> 00:20:58,255
[PEOPLE CLAMORING]
393
00:20:58,590 --> 00:20:59,750
You hear that?
394
00:20:59,958 --> 00:21:04,292
[PEOPLE CONTINUE CLAMORING]
395
00:21:04,529 --> 00:21:07,794
Oh, my God, it's the people
coming to stop the show.
396
00:21:08,667 --> 00:21:09,895
Now, what do we do?
397
00:21:10,102 --> 00:21:13,265
We have to stop the people.
Their freedom of speech depends on it.
398
00:21:13,472 --> 00:21:16,930
Frankie, Chang, bar the doors.
Annie, introduce him, quick.
399
00:21:17,142 --> 00:21:18,905
ANNIE:
Oh!
400
00:21:19,111 --> 00:21:22,171
[PEOPLE CLAMORING]
401
00:21:26,251 --> 00:21:27,809
I don't wanna do this.
402
00:21:28,053 --> 00:21:31,022
Listen, you piece of crap.
We've been to hell and back for you.
403
00:21:31,189 --> 00:21:33,680
Get up there
and do your stupid act for freedom.
404
00:21:33,925 --> 00:21:35,654
Okay. Okay.
405
00:21:35,861 --> 00:21:36,987
Ladies and gentlemen...
406
00:21:37,162 --> 00:21:40,097
...he's performed at colleges and clubs
all over...
407
00:21:40,299 --> 00:21:41,857
...Gupta Gupti Gupta!
408
00:21:42,100 --> 00:21:44,295
[PEOPLE CLAMORING]
409
00:21:44,970 --> 00:21:46,870
Hey, y'all. Uh...
410
00:21:47,072 --> 00:21:50,098
Hey, look, I see there's a lot of Jews
in the crowd.
411
00:21:50,309 --> 00:21:52,072
I mean, you know, there isn't...
412
00:21:52,277 --> 00:21:55,303
...but, usually,
when I do my act there's more, but...
413
00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:57,471
You know I have a whole Jew thing,
right?
414
00:21:57,683 --> 00:21:59,082
Do it.
415
00:21:59,284 --> 00:22:01,377
Okay, okay, who's this guy?
416
00:22:01,620 --> 00:22:02,712
Stop performing.
417
00:22:02,954 --> 00:22:05,013
Do not stop performing.
418
00:22:05,190 --> 00:22:06,953
Um... Okay, this guy.
419
00:22:07,159 --> 00:22:10,151
Look at him, it looks like he ate
so much, he's very fat.
420
00:22:10,362 --> 00:22:13,195
- Don't do this to me.
- Shut up and listen.
421
00:22:13,398 --> 00:22:15,866
I see you're fat,
but are you also black or Jewish?
422
00:22:16,034 --> 00:22:19,401
You know, it's hard to be fat
when you're black or Jewish.
423
00:22:19,638 --> 00:22:22,732
Because when you're black,
your community steals all your food...
424
00:22:22,974 --> 00:22:24,965
...so you can't eat as much. Heh, heh.
425
00:22:25,143 --> 00:22:26,542
And when you're Jewish...
426
00:22:26,745 --> 00:22:30,909
...nobody ever buys anything,
so you can't eat as much.
427
00:22:31,149 --> 00:22:32,548
[CHANG LAUGHS]
428
00:22:32,851 --> 00:22:36,412
You're damned if you do, you're damned
if you don't. Heh, heh, heh.
429
00:22:36,655 --> 00:22:39,317
[PELTON SIGHS,
THEN CELL PHONE BUZZING]
430
00:22:39,758 --> 00:22:41,350
Oh, dear God.
431
00:22:41,560 --> 00:22:43,221
The bastards did it.
432
00:22:43,428 --> 00:22:46,056
They leaked the entire school's data.
433
00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:51,434
[CLAMORING STOPS]
434
00:22:52,838 --> 00:22:55,830
[CROWD SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
435
00:22:56,408 --> 00:22:59,138
Okay, so, hey,
fat guy in the audience...
436
00:22:59,344 --> 00:23:01,778
...have you found anyone else
you could love...
437
00:23:02,013 --> 00:23:03,742
...like another fat person...
- Oh, no.
438
00:23:03,915 --> 00:23:07,510
...or are you one of those fat people
who will always be alone?
439
00:23:12,457 --> 00:23:15,654
[♪♪♪]
440
00:23:17,028 --> 00:23:20,930
Hey, Leonard,
you enjoy my girlfriend in 2009?
441
00:23:21,166 --> 00:23:22,724
As much as she enjoyed...
442
00:23:22,934 --> 00:23:25,732
...your plagiarized poetry.
- I will kill you!
443
00:23:25,937 --> 00:23:27,029
MAN:
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
444
00:23:27,205 --> 00:23:30,971
Don't act like you care about me!
I've seen all your cartoons about me!
445
00:23:31,209 --> 00:23:33,404
I am this school's worst nightmare!
446
00:23:33,612 --> 00:23:39,073
I am a Garrett with no soul left
to steal! Ah!
447
00:23:40,752 --> 00:23:43,312
JEFF:
Man, it's like Road Warrior out there...
448
00:23:43,555 --> 00:23:47,286
...but if petrol were privacy
and bad teeth were dirty secrets.
449
00:23:47,492 --> 00:23:49,323
Good news, Neil's talking to us again.
450
00:23:49,494 --> 00:23:53,157
He respects our moral position, not
execution, never talking to us again.
451
00:23:53,331 --> 00:23:55,492
I don't see how we can bounce back
from this.
452
00:23:55,700 --> 00:23:57,065
- This one?
ABED: Yeah.
453
00:23:57,269 --> 00:23:59,965
The e-mail hack
is the third installment...
454
00:24:00,205 --> 00:24:03,470
...of a trilogy that began with Annie
losing a pen, the golden age.
455
00:24:03,708 --> 00:24:07,144
The second chapter would be
when your best friend vanished...
456
00:24:07,345 --> 00:24:09,973
...after the older one masturbated
himself to death?
457
00:24:10,215 --> 00:24:13,616
If that's one you guys bounced back
from, we might be okay.
458
00:24:13,819 --> 00:24:15,218
What's the lesson here?
459
00:24:15,420 --> 00:24:17,945
I always wanna make sure
I know what the lesson is.
460
00:24:18,156 --> 00:24:19,521
I'm a completist.
461
00:24:19,758 --> 00:24:22,750
Rest of the school's in shambles,
so maybe we're more evolved...
462
00:24:22,961 --> 00:24:25,987
...and forgiving than them?
- We already know that, stupid.
463
00:24:26,164 --> 00:24:29,725
I feel more desensitized to jokes
about Jews and blacks, is that good?
464
00:24:29,935 --> 00:24:31,527
- Say what?
- Eh...
465
00:24:31,770 --> 00:24:34,364
Privacy, freedom of speech,
terrorism and government.
466
00:24:34,606 --> 00:24:37,666
Ironic pairing, like one man's privacy
is another man's freedom.
467
00:24:37,876 --> 00:24:39,138
Government is terrorism?
468
00:24:39,344 --> 00:24:41,608
The only free speech
is private speech.
469
00:24:41,813 --> 00:24:46,944
A free government terrorizes privacy.
That's all four, bitches.
470
00:24:47,152 --> 00:24:51,452
- Terror is terrorized by...
- Terry the Terrorist?
471
00:24:51,823 --> 00:24:56,055
Tarry not, for terrorism terrifies.
472
00:24:56,695 --> 00:24:57,957
ANNIE:
Govern the government.
473
00:24:58,163 --> 00:25:00,495
CHANG: Freedom of speech...
JEFF: How about terrorism?
474
00:25:00,699 --> 00:25:01,961
BRITTA: Terrorism...
JEFF: Guys...
475
00:25:02,167 --> 00:25:05,000
ANNIE: Terry the Terrorist.
FRANKIE: Govern the government.
476
00:25:05,203 --> 00:25:06,465
CACKOWSKI:
We caught the hacker.
477
00:25:06,905 --> 00:25:07,963
This is Ryan...
478
00:25:08,173 --> 00:25:11,165
...a.k.a. String Cheese Hustler,
a.k.a. Fart Mitzvah...
479
00:25:11,376 --> 00:25:14,903
...SkullandBoners88,
Frozen Sucked, Captain Titty.
480
00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:16,877
You don't need to know all his names.
481
00:25:17,048 --> 00:25:18,481
He lives across the street...
482
00:25:18,683 --> 00:25:22,483
...and he's got something
he wants to say. Don't you?
483
00:25:22,687 --> 00:25:24,678
- I'm sorry.
- For what?
484
00:25:24,890 --> 00:25:27,984
For guessing your school master
password was "change me."
485
00:25:28,193 --> 00:25:29,717
Oops.
486
00:25:30,395 --> 00:25:32,420
How do you sleep at night,
Warburton?
487
00:25:32,664 --> 00:25:35,394
You were one of us. You were free.
488
00:25:35,600 --> 00:25:37,659
No one's free
when they're one of anything.
489
00:25:37,836 --> 00:25:41,328
And to answer your question,
I sleep alone with one eye open.
490
00:25:41,540 --> 00:25:43,838
That's why I'm not the one in cuffs.
491
00:25:45,911 --> 00:25:47,902
Let's go, Fart Mitzvah.
492
00:25:50,081 --> 00:25:51,878
Crime doesn't pay.
493
00:25:52,083 --> 00:25:53,380
ALL:
Crime doesn't pay.
494
00:25:53,718 --> 00:25:55,948
- Crime doesn't pay.
- Crime doesn't pay.
495
00:25:56,187 --> 00:25:57,245
[ALL LAUGHING]
496
00:25:57,422 --> 00:25:59,390
ANNIE: Right.
FRANKIE: That's right.
497
00:26:01,826 --> 00:26:03,691
[ALL SIGH]
498
00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:10,295
I'm sorry if I used photography...
499
00:26:10,468 --> 00:26:12,766
...to digitally approximate
your naked bodies.
500
00:26:13,238 --> 00:26:14,432
It's all right.
501
00:26:14,639 --> 00:26:16,402
- It is?
- No!
502
00:26:24,282 --> 00:26:27,376
CACKOWSKI: Anything?
- Same as yesterday.
503
00:26:27,586 --> 00:26:30,453
Big cloud of data raining
over a pasture.
504
00:26:30,655 --> 00:26:33,089
All 8 billion sheep keep grazing.
505
00:26:33,291 --> 00:26:35,088
Is that good?
506
00:26:36,628 --> 00:26:38,391
Sure.
507
00:26:38,863 --> 00:26:42,128
That thing you said back there
about not being a part of anything...
508
00:26:42,367 --> 00:26:44,358
...is that really how you feel?
509
00:26:44,569 --> 00:26:46,400
It's not a question of how I feel.
510
00:26:46,605 --> 00:26:50,006
I feel like flying,
I don't jump off buildings.
511
00:26:52,510 --> 00:26:54,239
Do you believe in God, Warburton?
512
00:26:55,146 --> 00:26:57,808
There's no rule
that says we have to be friends, right?
513
00:26:58,016 --> 00:27:00,007
Common courtesy,
familiar with that rule?
514
00:27:00,251 --> 00:27:03,243
Well, it's common courtesy
of opposite values.
515
00:27:03,455 --> 00:27:05,252
Common courtesy's just gibberish.
516
00:27:05,624 --> 00:27:07,023
Hocus pocus.
517
00:27:07,258 --> 00:27:09,954
A spell we cast
when hoping to cheat reality.
518
00:27:10,829 --> 00:27:14,196
You're a cynical son of a bitch,
I'll give you that.
519
00:27:14,666 --> 00:27:18,295
- My wife, she makes dream catchers...
- Shh. Shut the hell up.
520
00:27:18,837 --> 00:27:21,101
Can you get us
to the mainframe hard line?
521
00:27:21,272 --> 00:27:23,172
Yankee doodle dandy.
522
00:27:24,309 --> 00:27:26,277
[SIREN WAILING]
523
00:27:28,046 --> 00:27:30,310
[♪♪♪]
524
00:27:32,500 --> 00:27:40,500
Ripped By mstoll