1
00:00:04,994 --> 00:00:06,728
Some people dread birthdays,

2
00:00:06,729 --> 00:00:10,131
but I say you got to celebrate every one.

3
00:00:10,132 --> 00:00:14,235
It was Axl's 21st... a
pretty momentous occasion.

4
00:00:14,236 --> 00:00:17,071
So, Axl was at the age

5
00:00:17,072 --> 00:00:18,673
when he didn't come home
for birthdays anymore,

6
00:00:18,674 --> 00:00:20,108
but I was fine with it.

7
00:00:20,109 --> 00:00:21,209
I'd accepted it.

8
00:00:21,210 --> 00:00:24,045
I spent the whole day
just leaving him alone.

9
00:00:25,514 --> 00:00:28,116
♪ We are family ♪

10
00:00:28,117 --> 00:00:29,117
It's mom. Call me!

11
00:00:29,118 --> 00:00:30,352
"Hi, Axl.

12
00:00:30,353 --> 00:00:32,454
Just wanted to make sure
you got the Gold Toe socks

13
00:00:32,455 --> 00:00:33,955
I sent for your birthday."

14
00:00:33,956 --> 00:00:36,791
♪ Happy Birthday to you ♪

15
00:00:36,792 --> 00:00:39,494
♪ Happy Birthday to you ♪

16
00:00:39,495 --> 00:00:42,864
♪ Happy Birthday, dear Axl ♪

17
00:00:47,970 --> 00:00:49,204
Hello?

18
00:00:49,205 --> 00:00:51,239
Hey, Axl!

19
00:00:51,240 --> 00:00:53,441
I called Kenny 'cause I was
having trouble reaching you.

20
00:00:53,442 --> 00:00:56,378
Not that I worry. You're 21 now, but still.

21
00:00:56,379 --> 00:00:57,879
You're always gonna be my baby.

22
00:00:57,880 --> 00:01:00,448
Anyhoo, you know how I like to tell you

23
00:01:00,449 --> 00:01:02,083
the story of your birth.

24
00:01:02,084 --> 00:01:03,852
Well, right about this time,

25
00:01:03,853 --> 00:01:05,320
I was pushing you out of my body.

26
00:01:05,321 --> 00:01:06,921
Yeah, I just thought I had to poop,

27
00:01:06,922 --> 00:01:08,323
but it was you.

28
00:01:08,324 --> 00:01:10,058
Mom, I'm a little busy.

29
00:01:10,059 --> 00:01:11,259
Yeah, well, sure.

30
00:01:11,260 --> 00:01:12,961
Sure. Have fun. Wait.

31
00:01:12,962 --> 00:01:14,095
Did you get the so...

32
00:01:14,096 --> 00:01:15,831
♪ You don't know what you're missing ♪

33
00:01:17,466 --> 00:01:21,466
Hey, I know it's hard,
but you'll see him soon.

34
00:01:22,138 --> 00:01:23,505
I'm having him come home this weekend

35
00:01:23,506 --> 00:01:26,107
to help move that old
freezer out of the garage.

36
00:01:26,108 --> 00:01:27,976
Thing's probably cost us 1,000 bucks

37
00:01:27,977 --> 00:01:30,345
to freeze old bananas to make banana bread

38
00:01:30,346 --> 00:01:32,847
that we all know you're never gonna make.

39
00:01:32,848 --> 00:01:35,984
Well, I might have lost
Axl, about to lose Sue,

40
00:01:35,985 --> 00:01:39,021
but at least I still had my sweet Brick.

41
00:01:41,223 --> 00:01:44,559
Unfortunately, with teenagers,
that can change overnight.

42
00:01:44,560 --> 00:01:46,561
Hey, listen... I put
the permission slip

43
00:01:46,562 --> 00:01:48,363
for your trip to the honey
farm in your backpack.

44
00:01:48,364 --> 00:01:49,831
Bring back samples.

45
00:01:49,832 --> 00:01:50,833
Whatever.

46
00:01:56,005 --> 00:01:58,907
I'm sorry, but we're closed.

47
00:01:58,908 --> 00:02:01,075
I'm not here for potatoes.
I'm here for you.

48
00:02:01,076 --> 00:02:04,045
Belinda Barnes... manager
at Chop Suey U.S.A.

49
00:02:04,046 --> 00:02:07,248
Hi, I'm Sue Heck. I love your egg rolls.

50
00:02:07,249 --> 00:02:08,817
I eat them in the bathroom

51
00:02:08,818 --> 00:02:10,852
'cause Spudsy's frowns on us
buying the competition's food,

52
00:02:10,853 --> 00:02:12,053
so...

53
00:02:12,054 --> 00:02:14,022
I been watching you, Sue Heck.
You're a hard worker.

54
00:02:14,023 --> 00:02:15,857
When I see what you do with potatoes,

55
00:02:15,858 --> 00:02:16,791
I get excited to think

56
00:02:16,792 --> 00:02:18,893
what you could do with cabbage and noodles.

57
00:02:18,894 --> 00:02:20,829
I'll cut to the chase.

58
00:02:20,830 --> 00:02:24,065
I'm putting together a Chop Suey
dream team, and I want you.

59
00:02:24,066 --> 00:02:25,133
You do?

60
00:02:25,134 --> 00:02:26,201
I've already got a verbal commitment

61
00:02:26,202 --> 00:02:28,036
from the salt guy at Wetzel's Pretzels

62
00:02:28,037 --> 00:02:29,370
pending a blood-pressure test.

63
00:02:29,371 --> 00:02:31,139
Think it over.

64
00:02:31,140 --> 00:02:32,874
But if I don't have an answer
by the end of the week,

65
00:02:32,875 --> 00:02:34,410
I got to move on.

66
00:02:37,847 --> 00:02:40,915
I mean, when a fast-food
Chinese place in the mall

67
00:02:40,916 --> 00:02:43,485
comes after you, obviously,
it's flattering.

68
00:02:43,486 --> 00:02:45,286
On the other hand,
Spudsy's took a chance on

69
00:02:45,287 --> 00:02:47,489
a newbie with no food-court experience.

70
00:02:47,490 --> 00:02:50,425
I don't know, Sue. We're getting kind
of sick of potatoes around here.

71
00:02:50,426 --> 00:02:52,961
I'd go Chinese, just to shake things up.

72
00:02:52,962 --> 00:02:54,262
I don't know.

73
00:02:54,263 --> 00:02:56,931
Gonna be hard to beat the
authenticity of Don's Oriental.

74
00:02:56,932 --> 00:02:59,100
But now that Spudsy's
has a self fixin's bar,

75
00:02:59,101 --> 00:03:00,969
the work is a lot less challenging.

76
00:03:00,970 --> 00:03:03,371
I mean, I used to build potatoes.

77
00:03:03,372 --> 00:03:05,073
I was a potato engineer.

78
00:03:05,074 --> 00:03:09,077
Civilians can't do what we do...
we took a 30-minute class.

79
00:03:09,078 --> 00:03:11,412
Hey, potato engineer,
where's the bacon bits?

80
00:03:11,413 --> 00:03:13,381
I think some
of them are down my bra.

81
00:03:13,382 --> 00:03:14,482
I got to go change.

82
00:03:14,483 --> 00:03:16,951
Well, I'm gonna call Axl,

83
00:03:16,952 --> 00:03:18,820
tell him I need him to come
down here this weekend.

84
00:03:20,856 --> 00:03:22,524
Ask about the socks.

85
00:03:24,093 --> 00:03:25,894
Hey, hey, hey. Where are you going?

86
00:03:25,895 --> 00:03:27,061
Don't forget to put your bowl in the sink.

87
00:03:27,062 --> 00:03:28,396
It's right there.

88
00:03:28,397 --> 00:03:31,266
Yeah. It's not my bowl, it's your bowl.

89
00:03:31,267 --> 00:03:33,801
You bought it, so technically it's yours.

90
00:03:33,802 --> 00:03:35,436
You just loan it to me.

91
00:03:35,437 --> 00:03:37,238
Listen, you've been saying
you're gonna come down

92
00:03:37,239 --> 00:03:39,474
and help me move the freezer, so
I want you to come on Saturday.

93
00:03:39,475 --> 00:03:41,543
Wh... this Saturday? I can't.

94
00:03:41,544 --> 00:03:43,578
My friends promised me a
weekend I won't remember.

95
00:03:43,579 --> 00:03:46,447
Take the bowl I loaned you
and put it in the sink.

96
00:03:46,448 --> 00:03:47,849
It won't take that long.

97
00:03:47,850 --> 00:03:49,417
You'll have time for your friends.

98
00:03:49,418 --> 00:03:51,119
Well  can't
mom and Brick do it?

99
00:03:51,120 --> 00:03:53,988
Or just get mom mad. She
has superhuman strength.

100
00:03:53,989 --> 00:03:56,457
She tore my door off the hinges.
She's like a bear.

101
00:03:56,458 --> 00:03:57,859
And guess what.

102
00:03:57,860 --> 00:03:59,093
Because you gave me lip,
you're taking my bowl, too.

103
00:04:00,296 --> 00:04:02,096
Look, I don't want to
hear any more excuses.

104
00:04:02,097 --> 00:04:03,831
You're coming this Saturday,
and you're helping me.

105
00:04:03,832 --> 00:04:05,033
Fine.

106
00:04:05,034 --> 00:04:06,435
Fine.

107
00:04:12,808 --> 00:04:14,275
What a jerk.

108
00:04:14,276 --> 00:04:16,010
He really is.

109
00:04:16,011 --> 00:04:17,346
Wait. Which one are you talking about?

110
00:04:24,453 --> 00:04:26,788
Hello, Mr. Heck. I'm here to help.

111
00:04:26,789 --> 00:04:27,755
Well, we need a lot of help.

112
00:04:27,756 --> 00:04:29,691
What, kind of help
are you talking about?

113
00:04:29,692 --> 00:04:30,792
With the freezer.

114
00:04:30,793 --> 00:04:31,993
Axl called and said you needed a hand

115
00:04:31,994 --> 00:04:34,162
and that he's got something
going on this weekend,

116
00:04:34,163 --> 00:04:35,864
so you get me.

117
00:04:35,865 --> 00:04:37,131
What?  No, no, no.

118
00:04:37,132 --> 00:04:38,366
Axl's moving the freezer.

119
00:04:38,367 --> 00:04:39,734
It's not a problem.

120
00:04:39,735 --> 00:04:41,469
I'm in town anyway helping
my Nana vacuum-pack

121
00:04:41,470 --> 00:04:43,771
her winter sweaters and
take them up to the attic.

122
00:04:43,772 --> 00:04:45,039
Besides, you're like a second dad to me.

123
00:04:45,040 --> 00:04:46,341
I'd do anything for you.

124
00:04:46,342 --> 00:04:49,310
Well, I'm Axl's first dad,
and I need my first son

125
00:04:49,311 --> 00:04:51,379
to get his lazy butt home to help out.

126
00:04:51,380 --> 00:04:54,415
Mr. Heck, have I done
something to upset you?

127
00:04:54,416 --> 00:04:56,718
Was it 'cause of that time you
were out of town for a few days

128
00:04:56,719 --> 00:04:58,887
and I came over and mowed
your lawn without asking?

129
00:04:58,888 --> 00:05:00,855
No. Sean, you're great.

130
00:05:00,856 --> 00:05:01,956
A little messy around the bushes,

131
00:05:01,957 --> 00:05:04,826
but feel free to mow again in the future.

132
00:05:04,827 --> 00:05:06,694
You're not the problem here.
It's somebody else.

133
00:05:08,764 --> 00:05:10,698
I'm sorry, Doris.

134
00:05:10,699 --> 00:05:12,700
I can't take you back to my house.

135
00:05:12,701 --> 00:05:13,968
This is your home now.

136
00:05:16,839 --> 00:05:18,007
Sean, just go.

137
00:05:22,091 --> 00:05:23,893
Okay, I am on a 10-minute break,

138
00:05:23,894 --> 00:05:25,413
and I can't let anyone see me,

139
00:05:25,414 --> 00:05:28,149
so I just wanted to let you know
that I appreciate the offer

140
00:05:28,150 --> 00:05:32,353
and it is very kind, but I have
to stay loyal to Spudsy's.

141
00:05:32,354 --> 00:05:35,123
That's exactly why I want you... loyalty.

142
00:05:35,124 --> 00:05:38,192
Now, I can't say much, but you
might have heard rumblings

143
00:05:38,193 --> 00:05:40,862
that the Onion Ringery is going down.

144
00:05:40,863 --> 00:05:42,330
Knock, knock. Who's there?

145
00:05:42,331 --> 00:05:44,365
Onion rings. Not anymore.

146
00:05:44,366 --> 00:05:46,134
Please hold for opportunity.

147
00:05:46,135 --> 00:05:48,269
Look, Sue, we're expanding.

148
00:05:48,270 --> 00:05:50,738
Our goal is to sell 50 barrels
of Chop Suey this year.

149
00:05:50,739 --> 00:05:52,774
And with the price of MSG coming down,

150
00:05:52,775 --> 00:05:54,075
we're gonna make a fortune.

151
00:05:54,076 --> 00:05:55,777
Not cookies... money.

152
00:05:55,778 --> 00:06:01,215
- S... I am very happy for you, but...
- Okay. Don't say anything else.

153
00:06:01,216 --> 00:06:02,850
I'm gonna write down a number.

154
00:06:02,851 --> 00:06:05,987
Take that home and think about it.

155
00:06:05,988 --> 00:06:08,089
And one more thing.

156
00:06:08,090 --> 00:06:13,080
That's a completely punched
card to Claire's Boutique.

157
00:06:13,081 --> 00:06:15,229
The next pair of earrings you buy is free.

158
00:06:15,230 --> 00:06:19,230
We take care of our own at Chop Suey U.S.A.

159
00:06:23,906 --> 00:06:27,775
Well, it's not great, but it's different.

160
00:06:27,776 --> 00:06:29,844
I should've poured the oil off

161
00:06:29,845 --> 00:06:31,212
instead of mixing it in.

162
00:06:31,213 --> 00:06:33,748
I'll know next time.

163
00:06:33,749 --> 00:06:36,351
My stomach is killing me,
but maybe it's all the guilt.

164
00:06:36,352 --> 00:06:38,019
She cornered me in the parking lot

165
00:06:38,020 --> 00:06:39,253
and slipped me the bag.

166
00:06:39,254 --> 00:06:41,456
God, what if somebody from Spudsy's saw me?

167
00:06:41,457 --> 00:06:43,057
I just don't know what to do.

168
00:06:43,058 --> 00:06:45,727
This is a major life decision.

169
00:06:45,728 --> 00:06:48,329
Ooh! Maybe my fortune cookie will tell me.

170
00:06:48,330 --> 00:06:51,165
Look, mom, I brought my bowl.

171
00:06:51,166 --> 00:06:52,166
Happy?

172
00:06:52,167 --> 00:06:53,234
Okay, you know what?

173
00:06:53,235 --> 00:06:54,736
Next time, just do it without the snark.

174
00:06:54,737 --> 00:06:55,837
You think you can do that?

175
00:06:55,838 --> 00:06:57,739
Nobody likes you.

176
00:06:57,740 --> 00:06:59,874
I'm sorry. What did you say?

177
00:06:59,875 --> 00:07:01,376
Nothing.

178
00:07:01,377 --> 00:07:03,411
No, no, no. I heard something.

179
00:07:03,412 --> 00:07:05,713
You said, "nobody likes you."

180
00:07:05,714 --> 00:07:07,815
Why did you ask me to
repeat it if you heard it?

181
00:07:07,816 --> 00:07:09,851
For your information, a
lot of people like me.

182
00:07:09,852 --> 00:07:12,153
Nancy Donahue likes me.
Paula Norwood likes me.

183
00:07:12,154 --> 00:07:14,122
Most cashiers like me. You know what?

184
00:07:14,123 --> 00:07:16,858
I don't need to prove anything to...
your grandma likes me!

185
00:07:16,859 --> 00:07:19,227
Okay, I was wrong. You're very popular.

186
00:07:19,228 --> 00:07:20,862
O-okay, you know what? That's it.

187
00:07:20,863 --> 00:07:22,163
Now you're just being disrespectful.

188
00:07:22,164 --> 00:07:24,732
You're gonna go to your room,
and you're not getting dessert.

189
00:07:24,733 --> 00:07:25,733
Fine.

190
00:07:25,734 --> 00:07:27,769
I wanted to go to my room anyway.

191
00:07:27,770 --> 00:07:30,104
No, you didn't.

192
00:07:30,105 --> 00:07:31,773
Yeah, you probably did.

193
00:07:31,774 --> 00:07:34,409
What's going on?

194
00:07:34,410 --> 00:07:36,344
I don't know, but I am sick of it.

195
00:07:36,345 --> 00:07:38,346
He turned 13, and a switch flipped,

196
00:07:38,347 --> 00:07:40,415
and all of a sudden, he's a tiny Axl.

197
00:07:40,416 --> 00:07:42,150
I'm telling you, we got to
nip this in the bud now.

198
00:07:42,151 --> 00:07:44,252
We are at a crucial juncture.

199
00:07:44,253 --> 00:07:46,888
You know, when Axl went south,
we weren't paying attention,

200
00:07:46,889 --> 00:07:47,989
and look what happened.

201
00:07:47,990 --> 00:07:50,058
And Brick is smarter,
so he's more dangerous.

202
00:07:50,059 --> 00:07:51,893
Sue, come in here.

203
00:07:51,894 --> 00:07:53,928
We're having Axl's birthday ice cream.

204
00:07:53,929 --> 00:07:55,797
No. I can't eat any more.

205
00:07:55,798 --> 00:07:57,198
I'm full of fortune cookies.

206
00:07:57,199 --> 00:07:58,733
Well, too bad, 'cause
we're punishing Brick.

207
00:07:58,734 --> 00:08:00,968
And us eating ice cream and him
not is part of the punishment.

208
00:08:00,969 --> 00:08:01,969
Now lick.

209
00:08:05,207 --> 00:08:06,741
How is this teaching him anything?

210
00:08:06,742 --> 00:08:08,276
He's not even here to see it.

211
00:08:08,277 --> 00:08:10,145
You're right.

212
00:08:12,881 --> 00:08:14,282
Hi.

213
00:08:14,283 --> 00:08:16,884
I just wanted you to see that
we're all having ice cream

214
00:08:16,885 --> 00:08:18,853
and you're not because you're punished.

215
00:08:18,854 --> 00:08:21,789
I just wanted you to see this
so you know what you're missing

216
00:08:21,790 --> 00:08:23,157
so you'll learn for the future.

217
00:08:23,158 --> 00:08:24,692
Mike? Sue? Get in here.

218
00:08:24,693 --> 00:08:25,993
See?

219
00:08:25,994 --> 00:08:28,730
We're all having a great time.

220
00:08:28,731 --> 00:08:30,798
This tastes so good.

221
00:08:30,799 --> 00:08:32,800
Show him how good it tastes, guys.

222
00:08:34,336 --> 00:08:36,370
Taste the lesson.

223
00:08:36,371 --> 00:08:38,740
O-okay. Chop Suey's making a move.

224
00:08:38,741 --> 00:08:40,808
We're done punishing you.

225
00:08:40,809 --> 00:08:42,410
How smart is your smart mouth now?

226
00:08:42,411 --> 00:08:44,412
Not very.

227
00:08:44,413 --> 00:08:46,949
I love you. I'm sorry. You
brought this on yourself.

228
00:08:57,459 --> 00:08:58,693
Wha...

229
00:08:58,694 --> 00:09:01,462
I got the socks. I'm wearing the socks.

230
00:09:01,463 --> 00:09:03,731
- They're awesome socks.
- What was that about?

231
00:09:03,732 --> 00:09:05,933
I asked you to come down here,
and you send your friend Sean.

232
00:09:05,934 --> 00:09:08,236
What? I sent a proxy. That's a word.

233
00:09:08,237 --> 00:09:10,238
I don't want Sean. I want you.

234
00:09:10,239 --> 00:09:12,974
What difference does it make?
Why does it have to be me?

235
00:09:12,975 --> 00:09:14,742
Because I want it to be you.

236
00:09:14,743 --> 00:09:16,711
So just get your ass home on Saturday.

237
00:09:16,712 --> 00:09:19,747
My God! That is so
completely arbitrary.

238
00:09:19,748 --> 00:09:20,815
That's another word I learned.

239
00:09:20,816 --> 00:09:22,383
Just do it.

240
00:09:22,384 --> 00:09:24,051
What?!

241
00:09:24,052 --> 00:09:25,887
It doesn't make sense
that it needs to be me

242
00:09:25,888 --> 00:09:26,954
instead of somebody else.

243
00:09:26,955 --> 00:09:29,157
Just explain it. I'm 21. I'm an adult now.

244
00:09:29,158 --> 00:09:31,125
You were an adult at 18.

245
00:09:31,126 --> 00:09:32,894
What?! Why didn't you tell me?!

246
00:09:32,895 --> 00:09:34,462
You owe me three years of adulthood.

247
00:09:34,463 --> 00:09:36,731
And that's when Mike was
forced to do something

248
00:09:36,732 --> 00:09:37,732
he didn't want to do.

249
00:09:38,801 --> 00:09:40,768
He pulled out the dad voice.

250
00:09:40,769 --> 00:09:43,771
Axl, home tomorrow.

251
00:09:43,772 --> 00:09:45,440
Okay.

252
00:09:49,878 --> 00:09:51,445
Hey, what are you doing?

253
00:09:51,446 --> 00:09:53,147
Well, I'm trying to figure
out which book to give away.

254
00:09:53,148 --> 00:09:55,483
They're having patron
appreciation day at the library,

255
00:09:55,484 --> 00:09:57,318
and if you give them a gently-used book,

256
00:09:57,319 --> 00:09:59,320
they'll give you a free
bookmark with tassel.

257
00:09:59,321 --> 00:10:00,888
So, you know, I want to beat the rush.

258
00:10:00,889 --> 00:10:03,791
Well, don't forget your jacket.
It looks like rain.

259
00:10:03,792 --> 00:10:05,193
Thanks, mom, 'cause I'm blind

260
00:10:05,194 --> 00:10:06,861
and I've never seen weather before.

261
00:10:06,862 --> 00:10:08,863
Okay, look.

262
00:10:08,864 --> 00:10:11,899
I know you're a teenager now and
you got to rebel a little bit,

263
00:10:11,900 --> 00:10:13,768
but this is not the Brick I know.

264
00:10:13,769 --> 00:10:15,736
I'm not enjoying the role
you're playing here,

265
00:10:15,737 --> 00:10:18,739
so you might want to retire
this character before I do.

266
00:10:18,740 --> 00:10:20,441
Well, I'm not exactly enjoying

267
00:10:20,442 --> 00:10:22,443
the "nagging mom" character, either.

268
00:10:22,444 --> 00:10:25,179
Hey, you better check
your attitude, mister.

269
00:10:25,180 --> 00:10:27,281
Why don't you check your attitude?

270
00:10:27,282 --> 00:10:28,716
Check your attitude.

271
00:10:28,717 --> 00:10:30,051
All right, you know what?

272
00:10:30,052 --> 00:10:31,752
I'm not gonna listen to
double-whispered nastiness.

273
00:10:31,753 --> 00:10:34,355
You're not going to the library
for patron appreciation day.

274
00:10:34,356 --> 00:10:36,824
You're gonna sit at that table
and write a paper about

275
00:10:36,825 --> 00:10:38,826
why it's important to respect your mother.

276
00:10:38,827 --> 00:10:39,994
- What?!
- That's right.

277
00:10:39,995 --> 00:10:43,397
3 pages, double-spaced, 12-point type.

278
00:10:44,466 --> 00:10:46,167
What font?

279
00:10:46,168 --> 00:10:48,103
Garamond.

280
00:10:55,444 --> 00:10:57,778
It's just so hard to know what to do.

281
00:10:57,779 --> 00:11:00,348
Not only that, I said I
would tell her by tonight.

282
00:11:00,349 --> 00:11:02,917
I mean, of course I am
flattered to be wooed.

283
00:11:02,918 --> 00:11:04,385
Who wouldn't be?

284
00:11:04,386 --> 00:11:07,154
And then there's the salary...
they're offering four figures.

285
00:11:07,155 --> 00:11:08,856
What?

286
00:11:08,857 --> 00:11:10,258
$10 an hour.

287
00:11:10,259 --> 00:11:11,926
I'm sorry, Sue.

288
00:11:11,927 --> 00:11:13,794
I just have to get this off my chest.

289
00:11:13,795 --> 00:11:15,763
I'm gonna confess that

290
00:11:15,764 --> 00:11:17,899
I'm a little envious I didn't get tapped.

291
00:11:17,900 --> 00:11:20,768
Brad. No, it's where you work.

292
00:11:20,769 --> 00:11:23,137
It is really hard to make your mark

293
00:11:23,138 --> 00:11:24,705
at the great hot dog adventure.

294
00:11:24,706 --> 00:11:26,040
I mean, how are you supposed to shine

295
00:11:26,041 --> 00:11:27,975
when you're only working
with three condiments?

296
00:11:27,976 --> 00:11:29,210
I know!

297
00:11:29,211 --> 00:11:31,846
I did graduate magna cum
relish from hot-dog college.

298
00:11:31,847 --> 00:11:34,982
How does that not put me on the
radar at Chop Suey U.S.A.?

299
00:11:34,983 --> 00:11:36,884
I didn't even think about that.

300
00:11:36,885 --> 00:11:39,053
Sue-y. It has my name in it.

301
00:11:39,054 --> 00:11:40,855
Ooh, it's like a sign!

302
00:11:40,856 --> 00:11:42,823
You know, I bet it's because I
dropped that gallon of mustard.

303
00:11:42,824 --> 00:11:44,191
Everybody saw it.

304
00:11:44,192 --> 00:11:46,694
It's those damn free hand-lotion
samples at Crabtree & Evelyn.

305
00:11:46,695 --> 00:11:47,795
How can you not try them?

306
00:11:47,796 --> 00:11:49,964
Anyway, this is about you. Go on.

307
00:11:49,965 --> 00:11:53,701
As much as it scares me to go
into international cuisine...

308
00:11:53,702 --> 00:11:58,172
You know, I got lean in... to Chinese.

309
00:11:58,173 --> 00:12:00,274
I am gonna work at Chop Suey U.S.A.

310
00:12:01,410 --> 00:12:03,210
And you get to wear the polo shirts

311
00:12:03,211 --> 00:12:05,413
with the golden dragon coiled
around the American flag.

312
00:12:06,481 --> 00:12:08,282
I am officially peanut butter and jealous.

313
00:12:10,886 --> 00:12:13,721
You know, the sooner you
get your paper done,

314
00:12:13,722 --> 00:12:15,323
the sooner you can be doing something fun,

315
00:12:15,324 --> 00:12:17,692
like taking that behind-the-scenes
tour at the library.

316
00:12:17,693 --> 00:12:21,028
I mean, where do those
librarians go on their break?

317
00:12:21,029 --> 00:12:22,830
You won't know 'cause
you're not on the tour.

318
00:12:22,831 --> 00:12:24,799
Actually, I am doing something fun.

319
00:12:24,800 --> 00:12:26,000
I'm reading.

320
00:12:26,001 --> 00:12:27,868
No, you're not.

321
00:12:27,869 --> 00:12:30,871
I'm reading a book in my mind.
I've memorized all my books.

322
00:12:30,872 --> 00:12:34,108
Now I'm turning the page... page 12.

323
00:12:34,109 --> 00:12:35,843
All right, stop it. Stop it right now.

324
00:12:35,844 --> 00:12:36,844
You're being punished.

325
00:12:36,845 --> 00:12:38,879
That's a funny part.

326
00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:40,047
I mean it, Brick.

327
00:12:40,048 --> 00:12:42,083
I know what's coming,
and yet I still laugh.

328
00:12:42,084 --> 00:12:43,884
That's how you know it's good writing.

329
00:12:43,885 --> 00:12:45,119
Yeah?

330
00:12:45,120 --> 00:12:47,254
Well, I'm gonna stop you
from reading in your head

331
00:12:47,255 --> 00:12:50,825
by reading from one of my books out loud.

332
00:12:50,826 --> 00:12:53,294
"From homeless to sexy."

333
00:12:53,295 --> 00:12:55,196
"Just two years ago,

334
00:12:55,197 --> 00:12:57,865
Angela Mccollum was living
by the rail road tracks.

335
00:12:57,866 --> 00:13:00,368
She never dreamed that someday
she'd be walking down

336
00:13:00,369 --> 00:13:02,470
the red carpet in a size-2 gown."

337
00:13:02,471 --> 00:13:04,805
Kind of hard to concentrate, isn't it?

338
00:13:04,806 --> 00:13:08,009
"The author of the best-selling
cookbook 'Fabulous Foraging, '

339
00:13:08,010 --> 00:13:09,477
Angela confesses her life changed

340
00:13:09,478 --> 00:13:11,912
after a chance encounter
with Gwyneth Paltrow."

341
00:13:13,315 --> 00:13:15,049
All right. I'm here.

342
00:13:15,050 --> 00:13:17,051
Let's get this over with so
I can go back to my life.

343
00:13:17,052 --> 00:13:19,086
Bunch of dudes are filling up
the back of this guy's truck

344
00:13:19,087 --> 00:13:20,454
and throwing me a pool party.

345
00:13:20,455 --> 00:13:22,223
Well, as fun as that sounds,

346
00:13:22,224 --> 00:13:24,859
you might like the surprise
I planned for you.

347
00:13:24,860 --> 00:13:25,860
We're not moving the freezer.

348
00:13:25,861 --> 00:13:27,728
What?

349
00:13:27,729 --> 00:13:29,263
I came all the way down here for nothing?

350
00:13:29,264 --> 00:13:30,765
No, no. It's good.

351
00:13:30,766 --> 00:13:31,799
I got you to come home

352
00:13:31,800 --> 00:13:32,933
so we could go out and grab a beer.

353
00:13:32,934 --> 00:13:35,202
My God. Why would you do that?

354
00:13:35,203 --> 00:13:38,806
'Cause it's something a father
does with his 21-year-old son.

355
00:13:38,807 --> 00:13:39,940
You don't get it.

356
00:13:39,941 --> 00:13:41,409
I was gonna swim in the back of a truck.

357
00:13:41,410 --> 00:13:42,843
But then you trick me into coming here

358
00:13:42,844 --> 00:13:44,712
to have a beer with you...
that doesn't make any sense.

359
00:13:44,713 --> 00:13:46,213
No, it's a tradition.

360
00:13:46,214 --> 00:13:48,883
When I turned 21, my dad told me
to come help him move some manure.

361
00:13:48,884 --> 00:13:51,052
But when I got there, he took
me out for a beer instead.

362
00:13:51,053 --> 00:13:53,954
Why didn't you just ask me to have a beer?

363
00:13:53,955 --> 00:13:56,057
'Cause that's not the thing.

364
00:13:56,058 --> 00:13:57,958
I don't get it.

365
00:13:57,959 --> 00:13:59,994
You think you're coming home to work,

366
00:13:59,995 --> 00:14:01,128
and then you don't.

367
00:14:01,129 --> 00:14:02,763
You know, it's... it's a surprise.

368
00:14:02,764 --> 00:14:04,465
It's whimsical.

369
00:14:04,466 --> 00:14:06,200
But you don't like surprises.

370
00:14:06,201 --> 00:14:08,836
I know. And I'm not liking them
a hell of a lot right now.

371
00:14:08,837 --> 00:14:11,172
Hold on. So you didn't
actually move manure?

372
00:14:11,173 --> 00:14:12,740
No. There was no manure.

373
00:14:12,741 --> 00:14:15,476
But when my dad told me to
come help him move manure,

374
00:14:15,477 --> 00:14:17,812
I damn well ran over there to
help him move some manure.

375
00:14:17,813 --> 00:14:19,847
I didn't say I would and
then send somebody else.

376
00:14:19,848 --> 00:14:22,216
Was there or wasn't there manure?!

377
00:14:22,217 --> 00:14:23,217
There wasn't!

378
00:14:23,218 --> 00:14:24,819
The point is, if there was manure,

379
00:14:24,820 --> 00:14:25,986
I would have moved it.

380
00:14:25,987 --> 00:14:27,455
Fine. Whatever.

381
00:14:27,456 --> 00:14:28,856
Let's just go get a beer. I need one.

382
00:14:28,857 --> 00:14:30,791
I don't want to have a beer with you now.

383
00:14:30,792 --> 00:14:32,460
What?! I come all this way!

384
00:14:32,461 --> 00:14:34,762
Let's move the freezer or...
or get a beer or something.

385
00:14:34,763 --> 00:14:36,931
It's already moved. Your
brother made your mom mad.

386
00:14:36,932 --> 00:14:38,099
Okay, so the freezer's moved.

387
00:14:38,100 --> 00:14:39,300
Are we gonna get a beer or not?

388
00:14:39,301 --> 00:14:41,102
Not.

389
00:14:41,103 --> 00:14:43,704
I don't understand what is happening.

390
00:14:43,705 --> 00:14:46,140
Look, this was a nice
thing my dad did for me

391
00:14:46,141 --> 00:14:47,808
when I turned 21, and I always thought

392
00:14:47,809 --> 00:14:49,009
when I had a son, when he turned 21,

393
00:14:49,010 --> 00:14:50,344
I would do the same thing for him.

394
00:14:50,345 --> 00:14:52,012
But you know what? Forget it.

395
00:14:52,013 --> 00:14:52,980
Tradition dead.

396
00:14:52,981 --> 00:14:54,849
No! Mnh-mnh. No way. I came all this way!

397
00:14:54,850 --> 00:14:56,317
You cannot not have a beer with me!

398
00:14:56,318 --> 00:14:57,952
This is happening, dad.

399
00:14:57,953 --> 00:15:00,955
Here I am approaching the
fridge, grabbing a beer.

400
00:15:00,956 --> 00:15:02,323
Tradition alive again.

401
00:15:02,324 --> 00:15:04,458
- Nope.
- Look at me, having a drink with my dad,

402
00:15:04,459 --> 00:15:05,726
and you can't stop me.

403
00:15:05,727 --> 00:15:07,728
My God. Axl's got a beer!

404
00:15:07,729 --> 00:15:09,763
He's legal now, Sue. It's allowed.

405
00:15:09,764 --> 00:15:11,732
This beer I'm having
with my dad is so good!

406
00:15:11,733 --> 00:15:14,335
You may be having a beer, but
you're not having one with me,

407
00:15:14,336 --> 00:15:15,936
'cause I'm going out for a beer...

408
00:15:15,937 --> 00:15:17,771
By myself!

409
00:15:17,772 --> 00:15:18,873
No! No! No! No!

410
00:15:18,874 --> 00:15:20,207
They showed a video in health class...

411
00:15:20,208 --> 00:15:21,742
"Sammy drinks after school"...

412
00:15:21,743 --> 00:15:23,010
And this is exactly what happened!

413
00:15:23,011 --> 00:15:25,713
Alcohol is tearing our family apart!

414
00:15:25,714 --> 00:15:28,716
Calm down. Everybody, calm down.

415
00:15:28,717 --> 00:15:31,019
Did you get the socks?

416
00:15:34,089 --> 00:15:35,389
Yep, Brick was younger than me,

417
00:15:35,390 --> 00:15:37,324
but he didn't realize who
he was dealing with.

418
00:15:37,325 --> 00:15:40,694
I had... what did I have?

419
00:15:40,695 --> 00:15:42,897
I don't even understand what
I'm supposed to be doing.

420
00:15:42,898 --> 00:15:43,998
What do you want?

421
00:15:43,999 --> 00:15:46,200
Do you want an opening sentence?
A conclusion?

422
00:15:46,201 --> 00:15:47,434
Who's gonna be reading this?

423
00:15:47,435 --> 00:15:48,969
I don't know! What did I say?

424
00:15:48,970 --> 00:15:50,804
Something about respect. Just do it!

425
00:15:50,805 --> 00:15:52,740
I don't even know what that means.

426
00:15:52,741 --> 00:15:55,142
My teachers know to give
me well-defined parameters

427
00:15:55,143 --> 00:15:56,710
for any writing assignment.

428
00:15:56,711 --> 00:15:58,913
Look, it doesn't have
to be a complete paper.

429
00:15:58,914 --> 00:16:02,149
Just make a list... 25 reasons
why you should respect your mom.

430
00:16:02,150 --> 00:16:03,951
Now, I'm gonna go watch "The Bachelor,"

431
00:16:03,952 --> 00:16:05,819
and I want this done before
they get to Puerto Rico.

432
00:16:12,827 --> 00:16:14,828
Howdy, Edwin.

433
00:16:14,829 --> 00:16:16,197
Can I talk to you when you have a second?

434
00:16:16,198 --> 00:16:19,233
I've been waiting for
you to come to me, Sue.

435
00:16:19,234 --> 00:16:21,802
Or should I say "Sue-y"?

436
00:16:21,803 --> 00:16:24,171
My God. You know?

437
00:16:24,172 --> 00:16:26,040
But we met behind a plant.

438
00:16:26,041 --> 00:16:28,742
I've got eyes and ears all over this place.

439
00:16:28,743 --> 00:16:31,212
My physics teacher
moonlights at Orange Julius.

440
00:16:31,213 --> 00:16:32,980
Okay, I'm sorry,

441
00:16:32,981 --> 00:16:35,249
but this is just a really
good opportunity for me.

442
00:16:35,250 --> 00:16:37,718
I mean, I don't want to leave Spudsy's.

443
00:16:37,719 --> 00:16:40,254
I'm happy here. We're a family.

444
00:16:40,255 --> 00:16:42,056
And I love all my customers.

445
00:16:42,057 --> 00:16:45,793
But the truth is I have
to do what's best for me,

446
00:16:45,794 --> 00:16:48,829
so I am giving you my two weeks' notice.

447
00:16:48,830 --> 00:16:50,464
Is that how much time
you're supposed to give?

448
00:16:50,465 --> 00:16:51,699
Would a month be better?

449
00:16:51,700 --> 00:16:53,234
God. I don't know what I'm doing!

450
00:16:53,235 --> 00:16:55,970
I'm not surprised Chop Suey U.S.A.

451
00:16:55,971 --> 00:16:57,004
Is trying to poach you.

452
00:16:57,005 --> 00:16:58,973
You're a natural-born food server,

453
00:16:58,974 --> 00:17:01,775
and I am not gonna give
you up without a fight.

454
00:17:01,776 --> 00:17:03,877
Mostly because I don't have
time to train someone new.

455
00:17:03,878 --> 00:17:05,179
The new "Mortal Kombat" just came out.

456
00:17:05,180 --> 00:17:07,881
So, if Chop Suey wants to play hardball,

457
00:17:07,882 --> 00:17:09,717
I guess I'm gonna have to play hardball.

458
00:17:09,718 --> 00:17:12,486
How does a nickel raise sound?

459
00:17:12,487 --> 00:17:14,755
An hour?

460
00:17:14,756 --> 00:17:16,423
Okay, sure.

461
00:17:16,424 --> 00:17:18,759
And I'll even sweeten the deal.

462
00:17:18,760 --> 00:17:21,829
From now on, you'll be reporting to work

463
00:17:21,830 --> 00:17:25,132
as the assistant manager
of condiment distribution.

464
00:17:30,805 --> 00:17:32,706
Come on, Brick.

465
00:17:32,707 --> 00:17:34,408
I'm tired. I want to go to bed.

466
00:17:34,409 --> 00:17:36,343
Well, I want to go to bed, too.

467
00:17:36,344 --> 00:17:37,711
Well, how much have you got?

468
00:17:37,712 --> 00:17:39,380
What do you consider "got"?

469
00:17:39,381 --> 00:17:41,782
Okay, forget the list. One sentence.

470
00:17:41,783 --> 00:17:44,318
One sentence on why you
should respect your mom!

471
00:17:44,319 --> 00:17:45,754
How hard can that be?

472
00:17:54,696 --> 00:17:55,729
Whoa, peach fuzz.

473
00:17:55,730 --> 00:17:57,164
You have to be 21 to get in here.

474
00:17:57,165 --> 00:17:59,066
Let me see some I.D.

475
00:17:59,067 --> 00:18:01,035
Actually, I just turned 21,

476
00:18:01,036 --> 00:18:04,471
so, thanks for carding me.

477
00:18:04,472 --> 00:18:07,041
Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm not buying it.

478
00:18:07,042 --> 00:18:08,042
I have to cut this up.

479
00:18:08,043 --> 00:18:09,343
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait! Hold on.

480
00:18:09,344 --> 00:18:10,811
That's  that's my license.

481
00:18:10,812 --> 00:18:13,848
Dad, tell him I'm 21.

482
00:18:16,084 --> 00:18:17,818
You got to believe me.

483
00:18:17,819 --> 00:18:19,219
I mean, would he be ignoring me this much

484
00:18:19,220 --> 00:18:20,487
if he wasn't my real dad?

485
00:18:20,488 --> 00:18:22,356
Dad! That's the only license I have!

486
00:18:22,357 --> 00:18:24,692
I already sold my fake one to my friend.

487
00:18:24,693 --> 00:18:26,460
- Dad!
- All right, all right.

488
00:18:26,461 --> 00:18:29,030
I'll vouch for him. He's 21.

489
00:18:36,438 --> 00:18:38,739
Hi.

490
00:18:38,740 --> 00:18:40,274
Hey.

491
00:18:40,275 --> 00:18:41,742
What'll you have?

492
00:18:41,743 --> 00:18:44,111
I'm gonna buy this guy a beer.

493
00:18:44,112 --> 00:18:47,948
And I'll have...

494
00:18:47,949 --> 00:18:50,218
What kind of European beers do you have?

495
00:18:52,821 --> 00:18:55,690
He'll have an American
beer, and I'm buying.

496
00:19:00,762 --> 00:19:02,763
Really?! Nothing?!

497
00:19:02,764 --> 00:19:04,164
I'm tired.

498
00:19:04,165 --> 00:19:05,833
- I can't think.
- A word!

499
00:19:05,834 --> 00:19:08,469
One stinking word why you
should respect your mom.

500
00:19:13,708 --> 00:19:15,143
Come on!

501
00:19:28,573 --> 00:19:30,884
_

502
00:19:30,885 --> 00:19:32,760
You know, I remember,

503
00:19:32,761 --> 00:19:37,231
when I was a kid, it was February.

504
00:19:37,232 --> 00:19:40,968
I was lying on the concrete basement floor.

505
00:19:40,969 --> 00:19:42,403
My mom was doing laundry.

506
00:19:42,404 --> 00:19:44,705
It was February, and I was thinking,

507
00:19:44,706 --> 00:19:48,342
"man, spring is never gonna come.

508
00:19:48,343 --> 00:19:51,045
There's never gonna be grass again."

509
00:19:52,814 --> 00:19:54,783
And now...

510
00:19:58,820 --> 00:20:01,188
It goes fast is what I'm saying.

511
00:20:01,189 --> 00:20:05,189
A minute ago, I was sitting in your seat.

512
00:20:05,693 --> 00:20:07,861
What do you mean? Before I came in here?

513
00:20:07,862 --> 00:20:09,396
No.

514
00:20:09,397 --> 00:20:12,801
I mean, I-it seems like I was just 21.

515
00:20:14,803 --> 00:20:17,337
Let's just drink.

516
00:20:17,338 --> 00:20:18,740
Okay.

517
00:20:29,184 --> 00:20:31,084
Happy Birthday.

518
00:20:31,085 --> 00:20:33,821
Thanks.

519
00:20:37,325 --> 00:20:40,093
You watch much basketball at school?

520
00:20:47,702 --> 00:20:51,205
I caved, Mike. I caved.

521
00:20:52,273 --> 00:20:53,841
Can't talk.

522
00:20:53,842 --> 00:20:56,143
Axl drank me under the table.

523
00:20:56,144 --> 00:20:58,846
I'm not 21 anymore.

524
00:20:58,847 --> 00:21:02,015
Yep, it's a hell of a
ride raising teenagers.

525
00:21:02,016 --> 00:21:04,751
Luckily, you get some
rest stops along the way,

526
00:21:04,752 --> 00:21:06,754
otherwise you'd kill them.

527
00:21:10,792 --> 00:21:12,359
Let me get that for you, mom.

528
00:21:12,360 --> 00:21:15,262
Hey, I was still working... never mind.

529
00:21:15,263 --> 00:21:17,098
Thank you!

530
00:21:18,008 --> 00:21:20,881
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