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00:00:01,742 --> 00:00:04,611
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
2
00:00:05,042 --> 00:00:08,310
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:08,344 --> 00:00:11,881
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,915 --> 00:00:14,884
♪ On which we used to rely?
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00:00:14,918 --> 00:00:18,387
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
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00:00:18,422 --> 00:00:21,757
♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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00:00:21,792 --> 00:00:23,291
♪ All the things that make us
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00:00:23,325 --> 00:00:24,626
♪ Laugh and cry
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00:00:24,660 --> 00:00:27,486
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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00:00:27,511 --> 00:00:30,960
♪ Family Guy 13x15 ♪
Once Bitten
Original Air Date on April 19, 2015
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00:00:30,985 --> 00:00:34,936
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
WEB-DL sync by jasonnguyen2606
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TV ANNOUNCER: We now return to
yet another Indiana Jones movie.
13
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(hisses)
14
00:00:39,741 --> 00:00:42,042
Snakes. Why did it
have to be snakes?
15
00:00:42,076 --> 00:00:46,447
Elderly potheads. Why did it
have to be elderly potheads?
16
00:00:46,481 --> 00:00:49,015
Is everyone warm in here?
Is it warm?
17
00:00:49,050 --> 00:00:50,451
Brian, are you
feeling all right?
18
00:00:50,485 --> 00:00:52,218
Yeah, I'm fine. It
just seems kind of...
19
00:00:52,253 --> 00:00:53,320
(retching loudly)
20
00:00:53,354 --> 00:00:54,455
Oh, my God!
21
00:00:54,489 --> 00:00:56,056
Oh, Lois,
your dog threw up.
22
00:00:56,090 --> 00:00:59,759
Peter, Brian's clearly not feeling well.
You got to take him to the vet.
23
00:00:59,793 --> 00:01:03,262
Unbelievable! Brian throws up once,
and you rush him to the vet.
24
00:01:03,296 --> 00:01:05,264
I was throwing up
all night last night.
25
00:01:05,298 --> 00:01:07,032
Good start.
Keep it up, snack pack.
26
00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:08,167
(chuckles)
27
00:01:08,201 --> 00:01:09,469
(retching loudly)
28
00:01:09,503 --> 00:01:11,303
Peter, you got
to take him now!
29
00:01:11,338 --> 00:01:13,138
L-Lois, it's probably
just something I ate.
30
00:01:13,173 --> 00:01:17,476
I-I'm fine. Really. I-I got more
energy than a cruise ship conga line.
31
00:01:17,510 --> 00:01:19,310
♪ Horny on a big boat
32
00:01:19,345 --> 00:01:21,112
♪ Horny
on a big boat! ♪
33
00:01:21,146 --> 00:01:23,782
I'm very sick
from lobster.
34
00:01:28,354 --> 00:01:31,455
Brian, your blood work shows that your
liver isn't functioning properly.
35
00:01:31,490 --> 00:01:33,107
Would you happen
to be a drinker?
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00:01:33,132 --> 00:01:35,500
Well, I don't know
if I'd label myself a drinker.
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00:01:35,525 --> 00:01:39,023
I know I like a cold beer
after I mow the lawn. (chuckles)
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00:01:39,048 --> 00:01:41,031
There were three lies
in that sentence.
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00:01:41,065 --> 00:01:43,333
Brian, have you ever heard
of Lou Gehrig's disease?
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00:01:43,368 --> 00:01:44,401
(gasps) Oh, no!
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00:01:44,435 --> 00:01:46,804
Well, you have
Mickey Mantle's disease.
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00:01:46,838 --> 00:01:50,673
Now, the most obvious step would
simply be to stop drinking.
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00:01:50,708 --> 00:01:51,941
Or...?
44
00:01:51,976 --> 00:01:54,247
Well, we do have these pills
that may correct
45
00:01:54,272 --> 00:01:56,379
the enzyme imbalance in your liver.
Yeah, that one.
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00:01:56,413 --> 00:01:59,682
Okay, I'll be in the waiting room
barking at the fish in the tank.
47
00:01:59,717 --> 00:02:02,719
All right, Mr. Griffin, these pills
will clear up Brian's condition.
48
00:02:02,753 --> 00:02:05,921
But unfortunately, they only
come in suppository form.
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00:02:05,955 --> 00:02:06,955
Uh...
50
00:02:06,980 --> 00:02:10,125
It means they have to be inserted
into the patient's anus.
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00:02:10,159 --> 00:02:13,298
(chuckles): Oh, you're a
dirty doctor, aren't you?
52
00:02:13,323 --> 00:02:15,594
Mr. Griffin, I'm not joking...
or a doctor.
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00:02:15,619 --> 00:02:17,432
Now, you'll need
to administer these pills,
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00:02:17,466 --> 00:02:20,235
because no dog ever voluntarily
takes a suppository.
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00:02:20,269 --> 00:02:22,117
Well, one in ten does.
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00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:24,547
Oh, I know the one...
Brian's cousin Jasper.
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00:02:24,572 --> 00:02:27,837
His bum looks like that guy with a
hundred cigarettes in his mouth.
58
00:02:36,317 --> 00:02:40,020
Hey, Chris, I noticed you were sitting
alone. You mind if I join you?
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00:02:40,054 --> 00:02:41,655
Sure. We both
have hats.
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00:02:41,689 --> 00:02:43,657
Makes sense.
Oh, thanks.
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00:02:43,691 --> 00:02:46,292
Hey, can you check my back
for "kick me" signs?
62
00:02:46,326 --> 00:02:48,494
Oh, yeah, you got
a couple. (chuckles)
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00:02:48,529 --> 00:02:50,630
This one says you're
a "dirty kick."
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00:02:50,665 --> 00:02:54,868
That doesn't say "kick," but thanks,
I'll keep that one for my lawsuit.
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00:02:54,902 --> 00:02:57,368
Boys, I got a
new home gym.
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00:02:57,393 --> 00:02:59,352
Why are you telling us that?
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00:02:59,377 --> 00:03:00,673
Just letting
people know.
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00:03:00,707 --> 00:03:04,209
Don't want anyone to get freaked
out by the transformation.
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00:03:04,243 --> 00:03:07,947
I got to say, it feels kind of weird
having someone join me for lunch.
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00:03:07,981 --> 00:03:11,383
Well, it's only natural, Chris.
You and I are social exiles.
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00:03:11,417 --> 00:03:14,526
We're the Khaleesi and
Jorah Mormont of this school.
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00:03:14,551 --> 00:03:16,845
Sure, I'll agree to keep
the conversation going.
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00:03:16,870 --> 00:03:19,958
Well, time to break out
my terrible Jewish bag lunch.
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00:03:19,992 --> 00:03:23,796
Let's see. Smoked whitefish, herring
in cream sauce, smoked sable...
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00:03:23,821 --> 00:03:25,238
that's a different kind of whitefish...
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00:03:25,263 --> 00:03:28,165
and for dessert, the only
bad cookie in the world.
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00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:30,620
Hey, what's it like
buying food from school?
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00:03:30,645 --> 00:03:34,706
It's good. I know everyone back there,
so they let me drink their corn water.
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00:03:34,731 --> 00:03:37,240
Boy, it's so great having
someone I can talk to.
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00:03:37,274 --> 00:03:38,742
I feel the same way, Chris.
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00:03:38,776 --> 00:03:41,244
I think you and I could
get along very nicely.
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00:03:41,278 --> 00:03:44,915
Yeah. We'll be a better team
than the Warsaw Globetrotters.
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00:03:44,949 --> 00:03:46,284
(to "Sweet Georgia Brown"):
♪ Dribble, dribble, dribble
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00:03:46,309 --> 00:03:47,817
♪ Tuck in shirt
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00:03:47,851 --> 00:03:50,019
♪ Give to my friend
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00:03:50,053 --> 00:03:51,553
♪ Spin on finger
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00:03:51,588 --> 00:03:52,989
♪ Two rotations
88
00:03:53,023 --> 00:03:55,329
♪ Dream about window
89
00:03:55,354 --> 00:03:57,856
♪ Put away basketball,
go to work ♪
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00:03:57,881 --> 00:04:00,963
♪ In calcium mine.
91
00:04:05,342 --> 00:04:08,637
All right, Brian, it's time for you to
take one of these pills from the vet.
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00:04:08,671 --> 00:04:11,025
Oh, yeah, right. Can we
do what we normally do,
93
00:04:11,050 --> 00:04:12,698
where you roll it up
in a piece of cheese
94
00:04:12,723 --> 00:04:14,335
like you're fooling me?
Yeah, I guess,
95
00:04:14,360 --> 00:04:16,310
but then you're gonna
have cheese in your ass.
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00:04:16,345 --> 00:04:20,115
W-Wait, what? Yeah, the doctor said I got
to give you these pills the butt way.
97
00:04:20,149 --> 00:04:21,949
Oh, no, no, no, no.
That is not happening.
98
00:04:21,983 --> 00:04:23,951
No, no, no. I do not
go the butt way.
99
00:04:23,985 --> 00:04:26,366
Look, I know it sounds a little
rough, but why don't we start
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00:04:26,391 --> 00:04:29,222
with a gentle massage of the
area and see how you feel?
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00:04:29,257 --> 00:04:30,658
Peter, get away from my ass!
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00:04:30,692 --> 00:04:33,193
(grunting)
Br-Brian! No!
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00:04:33,227 --> 00:04:36,063
Huh. Guess I'm just gonna
have to take him by surprise.
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00:04:36,097 --> 00:04:37,497
Shouldn't be too hard.
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00:04:37,532 --> 00:04:39,899
After all, I used to be
a Pete-in-the-box.
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00:04:39,933 --> 00:04:41,934
("Pop! Goes the Weasel" playing)
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00:04:49,076 --> 00:04:52,211
(loud, gasping breaths)
108
00:04:52,245 --> 00:04:54,380
Goes the weasel!
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00:04:57,425 --> 00:04:59,330
All right, if I'm gonna
give Brian his medicine,
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00:04:59,355 --> 00:05:01,486
I should probably watch
that old episode of Lassie
111
00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:04,089
where Timmy has to give
her a suppository.
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00:05:06,559 --> 00:05:07,759
(barking)
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00:05:07,794 --> 00:05:09,995
What's that, Lassie?
You feel sick?
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00:05:10,029 --> 00:05:12,445
What's wrong, girl?
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00:05:12,470 --> 00:05:14,193
(barking)
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00:05:14,218 --> 00:05:17,535
A supposi-what? What am I
supposed to do with it?
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(barking)
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00:05:18,804 --> 00:05:20,270
Gosh. I...
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00:05:20,305 --> 00:05:23,674
Well, if you're
in that much pain, I-I guess.
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00:05:23,709 --> 00:05:25,275
Okay.
121
00:05:28,213 --> 00:05:30,747
(growling, barking)
122
00:05:30,781 --> 00:05:33,349
You were lying? You
weren't feeling sick?
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00:05:33,383 --> 00:05:36,886
I don't understand. Why did
you want me to do this?
124
00:05:36,921 --> 00:05:38,521
(barking)
125
00:05:38,555 --> 00:05:40,787
What?!
He was in on it?
126
00:05:40,812 --> 00:05:42,192
It was just a prank?
127
00:05:42,226 --> 00:05:44,260
You guys are gross!
128
00:05:48,231 --> 00:05:51,074
Kids, everybody, family meeting!
129
00:05:51,099 --> 00:05:53,134
There's too much passing
gas in this house.
130
00:05:53,168 --> 00:05:55,570
So from now on, anytime
you got to cut one,
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00:05:55,596 --> 00:05:58,064
you pull your pants down and you
do it through this fart hole.
132
00:05:58,089 --> 00:05:59,571
Are you insane?
133
00:05:59,596 --> 00:06:01,486
(whispering): Lois, it's
okay... it's all a trick.
134
00:06:01,511 --> 00:06:03,736
As soon as Brian does it, I'm
gonna be on the other side,
135
00:06:03,761 --> 00:06:05,255
and I'll stick the suppository in.
136
00:06:05,280 --> 00:06:08,926
No. Absolutely not.
I am not living like this.
137
00:06:08,951 --> 00:06:12,319
You think Morgan Fairchild
has a fart hole in her house?
138
00:06:12,354 --> 00:06:14,865
Morgan, the coq
Au vin is divine.
139
00:06:14,890 --> 00:06:18,549
But so rich.
Will you excuse me?
140
00:06:22,529 --> 00:06:24,631
Where do our
Hollywood farts go?
141
00:06:24,665 --> 00:06:28,268
I've heard they're filtered
into Tom Sizemore's house.
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00:06:28,302 --> 00:06:30,270
(farting)
143
00:06:30,304 --> 00:06:31,437
(sniffs)
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00:06:31,472 --> 00:06:34,274
(sighs):
Ah... Morgan.
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00:06:38,492 --> 00:06:40,126
Hey, no, no.
No, no, Brian.
146
00:06:40,151 --> 00:06:42,047
No, no. You win.
You win. I quit.
147
00:06:42,082 --> 00:06:44,049
It's your liver; you
do whatever you want.
148
00:06:44,084 --> 00:06:47,920
Well, thank you. Yes, it is my liver,
and I don't want to take that pill.
149
00:06:47,954 --> 00:06:49,521
Fine. We're both
in agreement.
150
00:06:49,555 --> 00:06:51,290
So let's just
both watch TV.
151
00:06:51,324 --> 00:06:53,425
And nothing else.
Sounds good to me.
152
00:06:53,459 --> 00:06:55,660
I'm glad you think
it sounds good.
153
00:06:55,694 --> 00:06:57,728
(sighs)
154
00:06:57,763 --> 00:07:01,099
It's nice to watch TV when you
have nothing else to do, isn't it?
155
00:07:01,133 --> 00:07:02,300
Yeah.
156
00:07:02,334 --> 00:07:04,321
Get over here, you idiot!
Peter! What the hell?
157
00:07:04,346 --> 00:07:06,570
I'm still in charge of you! I'm a human!
Stop it! Get away from me!
158
00:07:06,571 --> 00:07:08,397
This is for your benefit,
so just go limp and take it!
159
00:07:08,422 --> 00:07:10,275
You touch my ass,
I swear to God I'll kill you!
160
00:07:10,309 --> 00:07:11,275
(grunting)
161
00:07:11,309 --> 00:07:12,409
(screams)
162
00:07:12,443 --> 00:07:13,543
(growls)
163
00:07:13,577 --> 00:07:14,978
(screams)
164
00:07:15,013 --> 00:07:16,780
Wha... What the hell?
165
00:07:16,815 --> 00:07:18,949
You... you bit me!
166
00:07:18,983 --> 00:07:20,662
You're damn right I did!
And I'll do it again
167
00:07:20,687 --> 00:07:22,444
if you don't stay the
hell away from my ass!
168
00:07:22,486 --> 00:07:24,354
But, Brian, the vet said...
(growls)
169
00:07:24,388 --> 00:07:25,655
(gasps)
170
00:07:25,690 --> 00:07:27,890
Wow, where did that come from?
171
00:07:27,925 --> 00:07:29,325
God, that was so intense.
172
00:07:29,359 --> 00:07:32,228
I feel more powerful
than a lesbian's crotch.
173
00:07:33,496 --> 00:07:35,998
Ooh, sorry, ma'am,
we don't valet motorcycles.
174
00:07:36,033 --> 00:07:37,867
Heh. Don't need to.
175
00:07:47,844 --> 00:07:49,477
Lois, can you pour
my juice?
176
00:07:49,511 --> 00:07:50,879
I can't lift my arm.
177
00:07:50,913 --> 00:07:53,118
I still can't believe
Brian bit you.
178
00:07:53,143 --> 00:07:54,682
It just doesn't
seem like him.
179
00:07:54,717 --> 00:07:57,124
Oh, yeah, 'cause you
know him so well.
180
00:07:57,149 --> 00:07:58,650
Shut your face.
181
00:08:01,023 --> 00:08:03,157
Oh. Uh... hey, Brian.
182
00:08:04,392 --> 00:08:06,861
Get out of that chair.
Leave the eggs.
183
00:08:06,895 --> 00:08:08,896
But this is my breakfast.
(growls)
184
00:08:08,930 --> 00:08:09,930
(screaming)
185
00:08:12,734 --> 00:08:15,882
(screaming continues)
186
00:08:15,907 --> 00:08:18,476
Honey, when did Peter Griffin
take up jogging?
187
00:08:18,501 --> 00:08:20,624
I don't know, dear.
By the way,
188
00:08:20,649 --> 00:08:22,876
we're the couple who lives
a few blocks away.
189
00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:33,846
TV ANNOUNCER: We now return to an '80s
teen movie at a realistic high school.
190
00:08:33,880 --> 00:08:35,915
You're going down at
that karate tournament.
191
00:08:35,949 --> 00:08:37,416
I don't think so.
192
00:08:37,450 --> 00:08:38,850
You guys do karate?
193
00:08:38,884 --> 00:08:40,952
You're both
(bleep) losers.
194
00:08:40,986 --> 00:08:43,455
(gasps)
Uh, morning, sir.
195
00:08:43,489 --> 00:08:46,242
So, Peter, I assume if
you're watching TV,
196
00:08:46,267 --> 00:08:48,242
that means you already
did all my chores?
197
00:08:48,267 --> 00:08:51,654
I-I sure did, sure did. I scared off the
mailman, threatened Quagmire's cat,
198
00:08:51,679 --> 00:08:53,532
and I even took
your bath for you.
199
00:08:53,566 --> 00:08:56,001
Now I'm just gonna reach
for the shampoo.
200
00:08:56,026 --> 00:08:57,535
No jumping out.
201
00:09:01,573 --> 00:09:03,140
STEWIE:
(screams) He's got Rupert!
202
00:09:03,175 --> 00:09:04,608
Hey, drop it.
Drop it.
203
00:09:04,642 --> 00:09:06,177
(deep voice):
Drop it.
204
00:09:06,211 --> 00:09:09,058
All right, I need you to buy a
birthday present for my friend Jeff...
205
00:09:09,083 --> 00:09:10,981
he likes the Packers
and surfing.
206
00:09:11,015 --> 00:09:12,415
Enough is enough, Peter.
207
00:09:12,450 --> 00:09:15,088
The dog's not in charge
of this house.
208
00:09:15,113 --> 00:09:17,860
First thing tomorrow, I'm
taking Brian to obedience school
209
00:09:17,885 --> 00:09:19,922
so we can get him
back under control.
210
00:09:19,957 --> 00:09:22,492
You know, sending him to school
wouldn't be the worst idea.
211
00:09:22,526 --> 00:09:25,861
He might even enjoy it.
I know I had a blast in college.
212
00:09:25,896 --> 00:09:29,163
Man, I love college.
So many chicks, so many parties.
213
00:09:29,188 --> 00:09:30,723
(chuckles):
Yeah, totally.
214
00:09:30,748 --> 00:09:34,274
I'm supposed to meet the R.A. for coffee
later in the common room, but until then,
215
00:09:34,299 --> 00:09:36,317
I'm just gonna walk around
with my shower caddy
216
00:09:36,342 --> 00:09:38,873
and see what people wrote
on their whiteboards.
217
00:09:42,812 --> 00:09:46,374
Uh, before I touch anything,
is this a nut-free counter?
218
00:09:46,399 --> 00:09:49,550
I don't know... my dad's might
have been on there this morning.
219
00:09:49,585 --> 00:09:50,918
Oh, hey, Meg.
220
00:09:50,952 --> 00:09:54,155
I saw you stomp that pigeon
today with your bare foot.
221
00:09:54,189 --> 00:09:55,856
Pretty powerful stuff.
222
00:09:55,890 --> 00:09:58,626
Thanks. I don't like losing
any part of my lunch.
223
00:09:58,660 --> 00:10:01,162
Look, I'd love to stay and talk,
Neil, but I have homework,
224
00:10:01,196 --> 00:10:03,296
and there was no toilet paper
in the girls' bathroom.
225
00:10:03,331 --> 00:10:07,100
Well, while you freshen up, maybe I could
help you get a head start on that homework.
226
00:10:07,135 --> 00:10:10,003
You'd do that?
Wow, that'd be great!
227
00:10:10,037 --> 00:10:13,383
Wait, Neil, I thought you and I
were gonna go find unlocked cars
228
00:10:13,407 --> 00:10:15,050
and pretend we're driving them.
229
00:10:15,075 --> 00:10:18,111
Sorry, Chris.
Booty calls.
230
00:10:18,146 --> 00:10:19,512
What was that all about?
231
00:10:19,546 --> 00:10:22,047
Well, I guess
I have to do it by myself.
232
00:10:24,017 --> 00:10:26,852
Boy, this light
is taking forever!
233
00:10:27,854 --> 00:10:32,158
Please get out. I never drive this car.
My wife died in it.
234
00:10:38,096 --> 00:10:40,859
Listen up, maggots,
you're in my house now!
235
00:10:40,884 --> 00:10:44,068
There are no belly scratches here!
There are no table scraps!
236
00:10:44,102 --> 00:10:45,736
What we have here are good dogs!
237
00:10:45,771 --> 00:10:48,511
No bandana-wearing,
Frisbee-catching hippie dogs!
238
00:10:48,536 --> 00:10:51,342
No parking lot, hind-leg dancing
YouTube dogs!
239
00:10:51,377 --> 00:10:54,645
No crime solving, camera
mugging Scooby Dooby dogs!
240
00:10:54,679 --> 00:10:56,046
Oh, no Scooby Doo, huh?
241
00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:57,514
Ruh-roh.
242
00:10:57,549 --> 00:10:59,975
Oh, it seems we got
us a comedy dog.
243
00:11:00,000 --> 00:11:02,391
Are you Kathy Griffin?
'Cause I ain't laughing.
244
00:11:02,416 --> 00:11:04,194
So maybe you are
Kathy Griffin.
245
00:11:04,219 --> 00:11:07,971
Or maybe you're that comedy dog with
Robert Smigel's hand up your backside.
246
00:11:07,996 --> 00:11:09,997
Well, let me tell you
something, comedy dog.
247
00:11:10,022 --> 00:11:11,887
You're here for
me to poop on!
248
00:11:11,912 --> 00:11:13,201
All right, first of
all, it seems like
249
00:11:13,226 --> 00:11:15,340
you have a lot of opinions
about a lot of comedians.
250
00:11:15,377 --> 00:11:16,877
And second of all... Ow!
251
00:11:16,902 --> 00:11:18,736
That hurts!
- That's right.
252
00:11:18,761 --> 00:11:21,000
Silent and terrible,
like The Artist.
253
00:11:21,025 --> 00:11:22,705
I watch a lot of
TV and movies.
254
00:11:22,739 --> 00:11:25,040
I am your media-savvy
worst nightmare!
255
00:11:25,075 --> 00:11:28,033
Now, down on all fours
like the rest of them!
256
00:11:28,058 --> 00:11:30,727
That's right, we got ways
to break your spirit!
257
00:11:30,752 --> 00:11:35,016
In fact, you seem like a
prime candidate for The Chair.
258
00:11:35,050 --> 00:11:37,385
(classical music playing,
electricity crackling)
259
00:11:37,420 --> 00:11:38,953
(vacuum whirring)
260
00:11:40,690 --> 00:11:42,324
(grunting)
261
00:11:43,992 --> 00:11:46,059
(screaming)
262
00:11:47,510 --> 00:11:50,245
Honey, did you hear
a dog scream?
263
00:11:50,270 --> 00:11:51,841
Yes, I did, dear.
264
00:11:51,866 --> 00:11:54,868
Our summer cabin is near
the obedience school.
265
00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:01,287
Move along.
Got to keep the hallway clear.
266
00:12:01,312 --> 00:12:03,042
This isn't because
of my divorce.
267
00:12:03,076 --> 00:12:07,179
Good for him.
He actually followed through.
268
00:12:08,882 --> 00:12:11,267
What the hell? Again?
269
00:12:11,292 --> 00:12:12,960
Thanks for doing
my book report, Neil.
270
00:12:12,985 --> 00:12:16,389
And I didn't even have to change the
handwriting, 'cause you write like a girl.
271
00:12:16,423 --> 00:12:18,323
You should see me throw.
272
00:12:18,358 --> 00:12:20,992
Listen, Meg, would you want
to go to a movie sometime?
273
00:12:21,026 --> 00:12:25,029
You know what? I'd like that.
It's a date.
274
00:12:25,064 --> 00:12:28,031
Okay, well, I'll, uh...
I'll see you later.
275
00:12:28,056 --> 00:12:31,102
Home Ec just got out. I'm gonna
go lick all their bowls.
276
00:12:32,080 --> 00:12:34,906
Hey, Neil.
Oh, h-hey, Chris.
277
00:12:34,940 --> 00:12:38,277
You sure are spending a lot
of time with my sister lately.
278
00:12:38,302 --> 00:12:41,945
You know, if I didn't know better,
I'd think that fish are ghosts.
279
00:12:41,980 --> 00:12:44,882
And I'd also think
you're putting the moves on Meg.
280
00:12:44,916 --> 00:12:46,417
(sighs)
281
00:12:46,451 --> 00:12:49,553
Listen, Chris, you're my
friend, so I have to confess.
282
00:12:49,588 --> 00:12:51,899
My sitting with you
at lunch was part
283
00:12:51,924 --> 00:12:54,691
of a carefully laid-out plan
to get close to your sister.
284
00:12:54,725 --> 00:12:57,276
What?!
Look, I know it sounds terrible.
285
00:12:57,301 --> 00:12:59,840
But-but still, we've had
some good times together.
286
00:12:59,865 --> 00:13:02,733
We even got Sean Penn
to dress up as my dad.
287
00:13:05,169 --> 00:13:07,937
Go away! I never want
to talk to you again!
288
00:13:09,339 --> 00:13:11,211
God, I should have known it.
289
00:13:11,236 --> 00:13:15,210
I feel more betrayed than when I
thought that lawyer was gonna propose.
290
00:13:15,244 --> 00:13:16,978
So you did
commit the murder?
291
00:13:17,013 --> 00:13:18,547
Uh-huh.
292
00:13:18,581 --> 00:13:20,916
And you admit it here
in front of everyone?
293
00:13:20,950 --> 00:13:22,484
Uh-huh.
294
00:13:22,519 --> 00:13:24,820
No further questions,
Your Honor.
295
00:13:24,854 --> 00:13:27,154
Wait. No further questions?
296
00:13:27,189 --> 00:13:31,158
Motion to have the last eight
years stricken from the record!
297
00:13:34,996 --> 00:13:36,597
(doorbell rings)
298
00:13:39,385 --> 00:13:40,953
Hey, Brian,
you're back!
299
00:13:40,978 --> 00:13:43,992
Come on in.
In... inside?
300
00:13:44,017 --> 00:13:46,249
Are-are...
are you sure?
301
00:13:46,274 --> 00:13:47,342
Yeah, what-what... yeah,
what do you think,
302
00:13:47,367 --> 00:13:50,596
I'm gonna make you stay in the yard?
Get in here.
303
00:13:52,079 --> 00:13:56,284
Sir, if it takes the rest of
my life, I will repay you.
304
00:13:56,309 --> 00:13:57,610
Who's this puss?
305
00:13:57,635 --> 00:13:59,219
Oh, no, no, no,
I'm-I'm not a cat.
306
00:13:59,253 --> 00:14:01,767
I'm-I'm a dog.
I'm your pet.
307
00:14:01,792 --> 00:14:03,456
And-and I'm just happy
to be here.
308
00:14:03,490 --> 00:14:05,612
Brian, what did they do
to you at that school?
309
00:14:05,637 --> 00:14:07,626
You're-you're
so... submissive.
310
00:14:07,661 --> 00:14:09,962
Yes, looks like someone's
gone at him with a "hwhip."
311
00:14:09,996 --> 00:14:12,886
That is... that is a perfectly
valid way of saying that.
312
00:14:12,911 --> 00:14:14,800
Bravo, Master.
Master?
313
00:14:14,835 --> 00:14:18,570
And a surprisingly quick
erection for Stewie.
314
00:14:25,135 --> 00:14:27,103
There you go.
315
00:14:27,137 --> 00:14:29,548
You-you look very dapper, sir.
Thanks, Brian.
316
00:14:29,583 --> 00:14:31,150
God, I love the new you.
317
00:14:31,184 --> 00:14:33,385
That obedience school really
schooled you in obedience.
318
00:14:33,420 --> 00:14:34,653
(gasps)
319
00:14:34,687 --> 00:14:36,354
That's why it's
called that!
320
00:14:36,388 --> 00:14:39,224
Permission to take fast,
tiny bites of my own tail, sir?
321
00:14:39,258 --> 00:14:41,259
Granted.
322
00:14:41,293 --> 00:14:44,772
You're wearing a bow tie?
What's the occasion?
323
00:14:44,797 --> 00:14:47,633
No occasion, Lois. I just want
to piss a couple of guys off.
324
00:14:47,667 --> 00:14:49,541
What the hell are you doing?
325
00:14:49,566 --> 00:14:50,909
You think you're
better than us?
326
00:14:50,934 --> 00:14:53,234
No way you tied
that on your own.
327
00:14:57,709 --> 00:15:00,678
I'm glad we got here early.
I like to watch the previews.
328
00:15:00,712 --> 00:15:04,115
Yeah, and also the friendly
warning about theater shootings.
329
00:15:04,149 --> 00:15:05,449
(upbeat music plays)
330
00:15:05,483 --> 00:15:08,218
♪ Don't get shot by a bullet
331
00:15:08,253 --> 00:15:10,720
♪ Don't get shot
by a bullet ♪
332
00:15:10,755 --> 00:15:13,723
♪ Keep your wits about you
333
00:15:13,758 --> 00:15:17,107
♪ This place used to be fun!
334
00:15:17,132 --> 00:15:18,866
You know, this is nice.
335
00:15:18,891 --> 00:15:22,165
It's actually the first time I've been on a
date since I got the nickname Gutterball.
336
00:15:22,199 --> 00:15:23,533
It is nice.
337
00:15:23,567 --> 00:15:25,645
Here, hold still.
338
00:15:26,169 --> 00:15:28,170
Make a wish.
339
00:15:29,172 --> 00:15:31,073
What did you wish for?
340
00:15:31,107 --> 00:15:32,474
This.
341
00:15:35,545 --> 00:15:38,914
You used me just so
you could date my sister!
342
00:15:38,948 --> 00:15:40,883
Oh, my God! Chris?!
343
00:15:40,917 --> 00:15:44,018
I'm so sorry!
Oh, what have I done?!
344
00:15:44,053 --> 00:15:46,087
Aw, crap.
345
00:15:46,121 --> 00:15:49,557
Okay, Dad, you got us in.
Now just go.
346
00:15:54,708 --> 00:15:56,675
Cleveland,
what are you looking at?
347
00:15:56,700 --> 00:15:59,700
I'm on edge. Saw
Halloween II last night.
348
00:15:59,734 --> 00:16:02,368
Brian, go outside. Keep
guard for Michael Myers.
349
00:16:02,403 --> 00:16:05,057
If he seem like he
dead, he ain't dead!
350
00:16:05,082 --> 00:16:08,252
Boy, Peter, seems like that obedience
school did wonders for Brian.
351
00:16:08,277 --> 00:16:11,144
Oh, yeah, it's great. He'll do
anything I tell him to now.
352
00:16:11,179 --> 00:16:12,645
Maybe I should
send Bonnie.
353
00:16:12,680 --> 00:16:14,681
(laughing)
354
00:16:17,450 --> 00:16:19,384
Oh. Oh, my!
355
00:16:19,419 --> 00:16:21,653
(laughing)
356
00:16:21,688 --> 00:16:23,355
All right, somebody
say something else.
357
00:16:23,389 --> 00:16:26,125
No. You need to know
what you did.
358
00:16:30,097 --> 00:16:32,698
(slurring): Hey, Brian, you know...
you know what we should do?
359
00:16:32,733 --> 00:16:34,933
Let's you and me go pee
in Meg's bed.
360
00:16:34,967 --> 00:16:36,735
That's-that's always fun.
361
00:16:36,769 --> 00:16:38,069
Pee in her bed?
362
00:16:38,104 --> 00:16:39,938
I-I... I could never do that.
363
00:16:39,972 --> 00:16:42,042
That-that... that'd be
peeing in the house,
364
00:16:42,067 --> 00:16:45,110
and that's-that's... that's bad dog stuff.
That-that's not good dog stuff!
365
00:16:45,144 --> 00:16:47,278
Wait. What?
What are you talking about?
366
00:16:47,312 --> 00:16:49,748
Forgive me for speaking
out of turn, sir,
367
00:16:49,782 --> 00:16:52,216
but you sent me to that
school to change me.
368
00:16:52,250 --> 00:16:53,951
It was your turn,
wasn't it?
369
00:16:53,985 --> 00:16:55,953
First, I went,
and you went?
370
00:16:55,987 --> 00:16:57,621
We best get you
to bed, sir.
371
00:16:57,655 --> 00:16:59,422
Oh, come on, Brian.
It's still early.
372
00:16:59,457 --> 00:17:02,438
Let's just... let's go throw
potatoes at Cleveland's house.
373
00:17:02,463 --> 00:17:04,501
You go ahead. I've got to
go make the waffle fries
374
00:17:04,526 --> 00:17:06,635
that you scream-requested
in the car.
375
00:17:07,198 --> 00:17:09,498
Geez, what the hell
happened to him?
376
00:17:09,532 --> 00:17:13,136
We used to be so close,
but now we seem so different.
377
00:17:13,170 --> 00:17:17,339
Like a whale and his
developmentally-disabled brother.
378
00:17:18,375 --> 00:17:19,742
(crowd oohs)
379
00:17:21,245 --> 00:17:22,812
Hi, guys!
380
00:17:24,047 --> 00:17:27,415
Get in my mouth,
you hundreds of fish.
381
00:17:30,953 --> 00:17:34,964
MAN (over radio): A record
crowd of 65 people turned out
382
00:17:34,989 --> 00:17:36,816
for Free Jerky Stick Night.
383
00:17:36,841 --> 00:17:38,614
Hey, that sounds
pretty good to me.
384
00:17:38,639 --> 00:17:41,684
Traffic on 146 is backed up all the
way to Mineral Spring Avenue...
385
00:17:41,709 --> 00:17:43,430
What do you want, Neil?
386
00:17:43,464 --> 00:17:45,299
And why are you
playing the news?
387
00:17:45,333 --> 00:17:48,298
Oh, it's an old boom box.
I don't own any cassettes,
388
00:17:48,323 --> 00:17:50,304
so I just have to play
whatever's on the radio.
389
00:17:50,338 --> 00:17:52,372
Shouldn't you be out with Meg?
390
00:17:52,407 --> 00:17:55,009
Look, Chris,
I-I'm sorry I lied to you,
391
00:17:55,043 --> 00:17:57,878
but I'd still like
to be friends, and I hope...
392
00:17:57,913 --> 00:18:00,464
I'm sorry.
I have to put the boom box down.
393
00:18:00,489 --> 00:18:02,148
The D batteries
make it very heavy.
394
00:18:02,183 --> 00:18:04,013
Neil! There you are!
395
00:18:04,038 --> 00:18:05,506
What the hell
is your problem?!
396
00:18:05,531 --> 00:18:08,988
I finally give you a shot, and you
abandon me in a movie theater?!
397
00:18:16,595 --> 00:18:20,699
I'm sorry, Meg, but my friendship
with Chris is more important.
398
00:18:20,733 --> 00:18:23,268
You're a jerk, Neil!
399
00:18:23,303 --> 00:18:26,404
So what do you say, Chris?
Can we hang out again?
400
00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:29,341
Yeah. I'd like that, Neil.
401
00:18:29,375 --> 00:18:31,576
Great. See you tomorrow.
402
00:18:35,580 --> 00:18:37,548
(thumping)
403
00:18:39,852 --> 00:18:41,919
This is 'cause I'm drunk!
404
00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:44,222
CLEVELAND:
Move out, Irish trash!
405
00:18:49,527 --> 00:18:52,514
Hey, Lois, you noticed
ever since Brian came back
406
00:18:52,539 --> 00:18:55,015
from obedience school
that things have been weird?
407
00:18:55,040 --> 00:18:55,866
What do you mean?
408
00:18:55,900 --> 00:18:57,767
Well, he just lets me
order him around,
409
00:18:57,801 --> 00:19:00,403
and he-he never wants to do
fun stuff together like before.
410
00:19:00,428 --> 00:19:03,091
I mean, the thing I always
loved about Brian was
411
00:19:03,116 --> 00:19:05,976
that he wasn't just a pet.
He was a friend.
412
00:19:06,010 --> 00:19:08,277
And I miss that friend.
413
00:19:08,311 --> 00:19:11,480
I think we just have to accept
that this is how he is now.
414
00:19:11,514 --> 00:19:13,525
Don't forget,
he bit you, Peter.
415
00:19:13,550 --> 00:19:15,117
I mean, what if he bit Stewie?
416
00:19:15,151 --> 00:19:16,952
STEWIE: How about
you bite me, bitch?
417
00:19:16,987 --> 00:19:20,422
Wait a minute. You're right!
He bit me!
418
00:19:20,456 --> 00:19:22,424
I know what I got to do.
419
00:19:23,593 --> 00:19:25,459
STEWIE: I'm sorry.
Was that too harsh?
420
00:19:25,494 --> 00:19:27,728
It sounded more
playful in my head.
421
00:19:34,836 --> 00:19:36,204
(quietly):
I'm sorry, Brian,
422
00:19:36,238 --> 00:19:38,806
but I'm doing this in
the name of friendship.
423
00:19:42,310 --> 00:19:44,951
(barking)
424
00:19:44,976 --> 00:19:46,785
Ah, damn it!
What the hell, Peter?!
425
00:19:46,810 --> 00:19:48,382
(gasping)
Oh, my God.
426
00:19:48,416 --> 00:19:50,017
Oh, my God, I bit you!
427
00:19:50,051 --> 00:19:51,285
I'm-I'm so sorry, sir!
428
00:19:51,319 --> 00:19:54,454
No, no, no, it's okay! It's okay!
Don't you see, Brian?
429
00:19:54,488 --> 00:19:57,457
That's the appropriate response
if anyone gets near your anus.
430
00:19:57,491 --> 00:20:00,059
Look, we were wrong
to try to change you.
431
00:20:00,093 --> 00:20:01,961
I-I just want
the old you back.
432
00:20:01,995 --> 00:20:03,296
You do?
433
00:20:03,330 --> 00:20:05,298
But-but I was a bad dog.
434
00:20:05,332 --> 00:20:07,866
I know, but that's what I
liked about you, you know?
435
00:20:07,901 --> 00:20:10,436
You were fun, we got into
trouble together, we got...
436
00:20:10,470 --> 00:20:12,838
Uh-oh. Uh-oh. I just rubbed
my eye with this finger.
437
00:20:12,872 --> 00:20:15,807
Am I gonna be okay? Am I gonna be okay?
Wait, how do you get pinkeye?
438
00:20:15,841 --> 00:20:17,442
Oh, God, this has
got to be it.
439
00:20:17,476 --> 00:20:20,979
Peter, I want things back
the way they were, too.
440
00:20:21,013 --> 00:20:22,380
That's what I want!
441
00:20:22,415 --> 00:20:24,649
Look, I'm really sorry
I bit you.
442
00:20:24,683 --> 00:20:25,883
Oh, forget all that.
443
00:20:25,918 --> 00:20:28,486
I'm just happy
to have my best friend back.
444
00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:30,721
I missed you, Brian.
445
00:20:30,756 --> 00:20:34,291
I've missed you, too, Peter.
446
00:20:34,326 --> 00:20:36,293
Welcome back, buddy.
447
00:20:36,328 --> 00:20:42,828
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
WEB-DL sync by jasonnguyen2606
448
00:20:45,036 --> 00:20:47,838
And now I'm gonna go upstairs
and pee in Meg's bed.
449
00:20:47,872 --> 00:20:49,072
No.
450
00:20:49,106 --> 00:20:51,240
We're gonna go pee
in Meg's bed.
451
00:20:51,275 --> 00:20:53,576
Good boy.
452
00:20:53,610 --> 00:20:55,044
Hey, what's up?
453
00:20:55,079 --> 00:20:57,480
I didn't know we could do finger
stuff in the public rooms.