1 00:00:06,665 --> 00:00:08,135 Massive haul this year. 2 00:00:12,506 --> 00:00:15,047 To candy! 3 00:00:18,900 --> 00:00:23,208 Fee-fi-fo-fum, give me all your candy and gum! 4 00:00:23,276 --> 00:00:25,210 Who are you and why do you want our candy? 5 00:00:25,278 --> 00:00:27,112 Your mother is the switch witch-- 6 00:00:27,180 --> 00:00:28,981 a sort of tooth fairy dealie. 7 00:00:29,048 --> 00:00:32,283 I take your sugary sweets and I give you healthy items. 8 00:00:32,351 --> 00:00:36,186 Plain brown toothbrushes, unflavored dental floss 9 00:00:36,254 --> 00:00:40,156 and fun-sized mouthwashes-- TSA approved. 10 00:00:40,224 --> 00:00:42,357 This is exactly why kids need a union. 11 00:00:47,332 --> 00:00:49,233 Now remember, Homie, that candy goes to... 12 00:00:49,301 --> 00:00:51,636 Our fighting men and women overseas. 13 00:00:51,704 --> 00:00:54,906 It's our way of letting them know we're having fun back here. 14 00:00:54,974 --> 00:00:58,179 No sneaking off and eating that candy yourself. 15 00:00:58,247 --> 00:01:00,315 Marge, you know I'd never do that. 16 00:01:00,383 --> 00:01:03,186 I'm too scared of the evil switch witch. 17 00:01:03,253 --> 00:01:05,322 The switch witch is me. 18 00:01:05,390 --> 00:01:08,593 You know, on some level, I've always known. 19 00:01:10,262 --> 00:01:12,432 ("Flight" from Psycho soundtrack playing) 20 00:01:13,557 --> 00:01:17,057 ♪ The Simpsons 23x03 ♪ Treehouse of Horrors XXII Original Air Date on October 30, 2011 21 00:01:19,032 --> 00:01:22,532 == sync, corrected by elderman == 22 00:01:30,589 --> 00:01:32,958 ♪ I've got candy, skip to my Lou ♪ 23 00:01:33,026 --> 00:01:35,160 ♪ My insulin will spike, that's what it's gonna do ♪ 24 00:01:35,228 --> 00:01:37,530 ♪ I'm gonna buy me some diabetic shoes ♪ 25 00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:38,899 ♪ Skip to my Lou my... ♪ 26 00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:42,369 What the...?! 27 00:01:46,674 --> 00:01:48,409 D'oh! 28 00:01:48,476 --> 00:01:49,943 Hello, 911? 29 00:01:50,011 --> 00:01:52,245 I need a helicopter rescue and some cold milk. 30 00:01:52,313 --> 00:01:53,346 Copy that, sir. 31 00:01:53,414 --> 00:01:54,881 We'll be there in 20 minutes. 32 00:01:54,949 --> 00:01:56,950 What?! I can't wait that long for candy! 33 00:01:58,519 --> 00:02:02,889 The only sane thing to do is chew off my arm. 34 00:02:05,193 --> 00:02:07,494 Ow! Ow! 35 00:02:07,562 --> 00:02:10,331 I'm not gonna swallow, 'cause I want to save room for candy. 36 00:02:12,268 --> 00:02:14,136 Oops. 37 00:02:15,738 --> 00:02:17,039 D'oh! 38 00:02:18,241 --> 00:02:19,408 Mm! 39 00:02:19,476 --> 00:02:21,010 I'm really getting the hang of this. 40 00:02:23,849 --> 00:02:25,916 All worth it for candy. 41 00:02:29,288 --> 00:02:32,591 No...! 44 00:02:54,091 --> 00:02:55,024 He opened his eyes! 45 00:02:55,092 --> 00:02:56,259 Mom! 46 00:02:56,327 --> 00:02:58,194 Okay, I'm on the floor. 47 00:02:58,262 --> 00:03:00,296 I can't move. 48 00:03:00,363 --> 00:03:02,098 So far, a normal Sunday morning. 49 00:03:02,166 --> 00:03:04,734 Homie, you're paralyzed. 50 00:03:04,801 --> 00:03:07,670 But we love you and will never give up hope. 51 00:03:07,738 --> 00:03:09,672 Can his funeral be on a school day? 52 00:03:10,841 --> 00:03:12,141 This is so horrible. 53 00:03:12,209 --> 00:03:14,811 I can't speak! 54 00:03:16,380 --> 00:03:17,848 How did this happen? 55 00:03:17,915 --> 00:03:19,783 Last thing I remember, 56 00:03:19,851 --> 00:03:23,353 I was decorating the house for Halloween. 57 00:03:25,156 --> 00:03:26,889 Ah, Halloween. 58 00:03:26,957 --> 00:03:29,259 The one time of year when the squalor of our home 59 00:03:29,326 --> 00:03:30,526 works to our advantage. 60 00:03:39,203 --> 00:03:41,303 Where's that spider? Ah. 61 00:03:43,273 --> 00:03:44,307 Squeeze, squeeze! 62 00:03:45,309 --> 00:03:46,742 Squeeze, squeeze! 63 00:03:46,810 --> 00:03:49,412 A real spider would get so mad if I did this. 64 00:03:49,479 --> 00:03:51,013 I wonder if this thing has batteries. 65 00:03:53,450 --> 00:03:54,484 It's alive?! 66 00:03:55,553 --> 00:03:56,753 Ow! 67 00:04:03,327 --> 00:04:06,195 Hmm. Well, at least I still look good. 68 00:04:06,263 --> 00:04:09,098 Okay, handsome, that's enough primping. 69 00:04:09,166 --> 00:04:11,401 Just because you've had a little setback 70 00:04:11,468 --> 00:04:12,969 doesn't mean you can't look your best. 71 00:04:13,037 --> 00:04:14,604 Oh, Marge. 72 00:04:14,672 --> 00:04:18,708 This is the purest love there is: patient, supportive... 73 00:04:18,775 --> 00:04:19,742 Ooh, cleavage. 74 00:04:23,247 --> 00:04:24,681 Dad, I'm going to entertain you 75 00:04:24,749 --> 00:04:26,650 with the help of The Brothers Karamazov. 76 00:04:28,453 --> 00:04:31,755 "Alexey Fyodorovitch Karamazov was the third son 77 00:04:31,823 --> 00:04:33,924 "of Fyodor Pavlovitch Karamazov, 78 00:04:33,992 --> 00:04:37,394 "a landowner well known in our district in his own day, 79 00:04:37,462 --> 00:04:39,196 and still remembered among us..." 80 00:04:39,264 --> 00:04:40,698 Oh, my God. 81 00:04:40,765 --> 00:04:42,332 She's still on the first sentence! 82 00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:44,268 Must make her stop. 83 00:04:44,336 --> 00:04:46,604 How to express my... 84 00:04:47,773 --> 00:04:49,607 Dad! Ew. 85 00:04:49,675 --> 00:04:51,976 Anyway, continuing. 86 00:04:52,044 --> 00:04:53,711 "For the present, I will only say 87 00:04:53,779 --> 00:04:55,580 that this 'landowner'-- for so we..." 88 00:04:57,149 --> 00:04:59,150 Ew! Dad! 89 00:04:59,218 --> 00:05:01,085 Wait a minute. 90 00:05:01,153 --> 00:05:03,187 Can you pass gas at will? 91 00:05:03,255 --> 00:05:05,123 Fart once for no, twice for yes. 92 00:05:06,792 --> 00:05:08,293 Oh, my God! 93 00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:10,595 Do you realize what this means? 94 00:05:13,700 --> 00:05:16,034 Well, it means that you can communicate. 95 00:05:18,104 --> 00:05:19,471 Exactly. 96 00:05:21,107 --> 00:05:23,909 I'll recite the alphabet, and you tell me when to stop. 97 00:05:23,977 --> 00:05:25,377 A, B, C, D... 98 00:05:26,279 --> 00:05:28,415 D. 99 00:05:28,482 --> 00:05:29,416 Next letter. 100 00:05:29,484 --> 00:05:30,784 A, B, C, D, E... 101 00:05:31,853 --> 00:05:33,420 "D, E." 102 00:05:33,488 --> 00:05:34,588 Amazing! 103 00:05:34,656 --> 00:05:36,089 Oh, but before we continue. 104 00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:40,828 Okay. 105 00:05:40,895 --> 00:05:41,895 A... 106 00:05:41,963 --> 00:05:43,731 "D, E, A." 107 00:05:43,798 --> 00:05:46,133 "Dearest Marge, though my body 108 00:05:46,201 --> 00:05:47,468 "cannot move, my heart still beats 109 00:05:47,535 --> 00:05:48,702 "and my brain still brains. 110 00:05:49,804 --> 00:05:51,138 "I miss holding you in my arms 111 00:05:51,206 --> 00:05:53,473 "more than my butt can say. 112 00:05:55,376 --> 00:05:57,043 "Perhaps someday there will be a cure. 113 00:05:57,111 --> 00:05:58,578 "Although if it requires 114 00:05:58,646 --> 00:06:01,447 "months of difficult physical therapy, I'll pass. 115 00:06:01,515 --> 00:06:03,149 "You are the shining light 116 00:06:03,216 --> 00:06:04,984 "that gets me through my darkest hours. 117 00:06:05,051 --> 00:06:08,453 "For further communication, I will require more beans. 118 00:06:08,521 --> 00:06:09,687 I love you." 119 00:06:09,755 --> 00:06:11,789 Oh, Homie. 120 00:06:12,824 --> 00:06:13,824 Shh-shh-shh. 121 00:06:13,892 --> 00:06:16,493 Don't say a word. 122 00:06:17,962 --> 00:06:20,129 I guess my life isn't so bad. 123 00:06:20,197 --> 00:06:21,431 With the help of my loving family, 124 00:06:21,498 --> 00:06:22,832 I even published my first book. 125 00:06:25,136 --> 00:06:26,970 And I've finally reached a state of serenity and... 126 00:06:28,305 --> 00:06:30,774 Another spider! 127 00:06:35,913 --> 00:06:37,514 What's this bite gonna do? 128 00:06:38,683 --> 00:06:40,685 My wrists are tingling. 129 00:06:40,752 --> 00:06:43,254 I feel new powers surging within me! 130 00:06:52,298 --> 00:06:53,599 He's got the proportionate strength 131 00:06:53,667 --> 00:06:55,167 of a paralyzed spider! 132 00:06:56,837 --> 00:07:00,240 Forget paying for my kid's operation-- I'm out of here! 133 00:07:03,310 --> 00:07:05,879 They say no two ass-webs are the same. 134 00:07:05,946 --> 00:07:07,647 Beautiful in its way. 135 00:07:09,416 --> 00:07:12,651 Want to go home and celebrate? 136 00:07:15,822 --> 00:07:16,655 Whoo! 137 00:07:20,660 --> 00:07:23,329 I wish I could move like him. 138 00:07:31,826 --> 00:07:34,093 Springfield, my hometown. 139 00:07:34,161 --> 00:07:35,361 Pretty little place. 140 00:07:35,429 --> 00:07:37,630 Although, even the Garden of Eden 141 00:07:37,698 --> 00:07:40,566 could use a nice cleansing rain now and then. 142 00:07:41,635 --> 00:07:42,802 My money's on the kid. 143 00:07:47,508 --> 00:07:48,942 Hey, whiskers. 144 00:07:49,010 --> 00:07:50,344 Want to party? 145 00:07:50,411 --> 00:07:52,979 Spend less time on your back and more time on your knees. 146 00:07:53,047 --> 00:07:54,147 Hmm? 147 00:07:54,215 --> 00:07:57,684 Have I lost my back-alley beauty? 148 00:07:57,752 --> 00:08:01,221 Well, those who can't do, teach. 149 00:08:05,961 --> 00:08:07,027 No more distractions. 150 00:08:07,095 --> 00:08:08,428 I have work to do. 151 00:08:53,207 --> 00:08:55,708 All these years, I thought murder was a sin. 152 00:08:55,776 --> 00:08:58,044 Then I got new instructions from the good Lord Himself 153 00:08:58,112 --> 00:09:00,314 in his favorite language-- English. 154 00:09:00,381 --> 00:09:01,801 Slay Montgomery Burns 155 00:09:01,826 --> 00:09:03,881 and pee in his ashes! 156 00:09:03,985 --> 00:09:05,519 Are you sure, Lord? 157 00:09:05,587 --> 00:09:08,188 If you're having trouble with the second part, 158 00:09:08,256 --> 00:09:09,956 drink a lot of water. 159 00:09:10,024 --> 00:09:11,992 Now I've got to go. 160 00:09:12,059 --> 00:09:15,495 A hip-hop star is thanking me at the VMAs. 161 00:09:25,672 --> 00:09:27,673 And so white-bread Ned 162 00:09:27,741 --> 00:09:29,875 became the avenging sword of the Lord. 163 00:09:41,454 --> 00:09:43,456 Peter, Andrew, James the Greater, James the Lesser, 164 00:09:43,523 --> 00:09:44,723 John, Philip, Thaddeus. 165 00:09:46,894 --> 00:09:48,728 Heavenly Father, I... 166 00:09:48,795 --> 00:09:50,163 Quiet, you! 167 00:09:50,230 --> 00:09:52,899 Your next divine whack job is a twofer. 168 00:09:52,966 --> 00:09:56,769 I command you to kill Patty and Selma Bouvier. 169 00:09:56,837 --> 00:09:58,204 Patty and Selma? 170 00:09:58,272 --> 00:10:00,940 Sure they smoke, and they don't shave much of anything, 171 00:10:01,008 --> 00:10:02,775 but do they deserve to die? 172 00:10:02,843 --> 00:10:06,411 Do not question me, the star of the Bible. 173 00:10:06,479 --> 00:10:09,515 Now, on a non-murder- related note, 174 00:10:09,583 --> 00:10:11,917 I want you to find out 175 00:10:11,985 --> 00:10:15,220 what's making that funny noise in Homer Simpson's car. 176 00:10:15,288 --> 00:10:17,089 It's, uh, it's, you know, 177 00:10:17,157 --> 00:10:19,124 it's like a chigga-chigga-chigga-chigga. 178 00:10:19,192 --> 00:10:21,527 But you only hear it when you're driving over 30. 179 00:10:21,594 --> 00:10:24,297 And you never hear it when you take it to the shop. 180 00:10:24,365 --> 00:10:27,200 Then it sounds perfect. 181 00:10:27,268 --> 00:10:28,969 Yes, Lord! 182 00:10:29,037 --> 00:10:31,004 Homer, have you noticed how many of your enemies 183 00:10:31,072 --> 00:10:32,506 have died lately? 184 00:10:32,574 --> 00:10:34,641 Mr. Burns, Sideshow Bob... 185 00:10:34,709 --> 00:10:36,210 You forgot Patty and Selma. 186 00:10:36,277 --> 00:10:38,212 Oh, wait. That hasn't happened yet. 187 00:10:38,280 --> 00:10:40,215 Patty and Selma? 188 00:10:40,282 --> 00:10:42,217 Who's next, Ned Flanders? 189 00:10:42,285 --> 00:10:44,086 Now, how would that work? 190 00:10:44,154 --> 00:10:44,987 Huh? 191 00:10:59,402 --> 00:11:01,336 Okay, stupid Flanders, 192 00:11:01,404 --> 00:11:05,040 first I want you to kill that guy at the ice cream parlor 193 00:11:05,107 --> 00:11:08,210 who gave Homer Simpson a cone that had a little air in it. 194 00:11:08,277 --> 00:11:09,644 Really? 195 00:11:09,712 --> 00:11:11,546 Come on! God does crazy things! 196 00:11:11,614 --> 00:11:13,114 Check your Old Testament. Hey, Dad. 197 00:11:13,182 --> 00:11:16,050 Hey Bart... Uh, I mean, Jesus. 198 00:11:16,118 --> 00:11:18,653 Hey son, you want Flanders to kill anybody? 199 00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:19,987 He's totally in my power. 200 00:11:20,055 --> 00:11:21,756 Well, there's a tall boy in front of me 201 00:11:21,823 --> 00:11:22,957 in class so I can't see the board. 202 00:11:23,025 --> 00:11:24,992 And I sayeth unto you, 203 00:11:25,060 --> 00:11:27,562 slay every tall boy in town! 204 00:11:27,629 --> 00:11:28,763 Yeah! Yeah! 205 00:11:28,831 --> 00:11:30,698 Homer Simpson! 206 00:11:30,765 --> 00:11:32,566 You made a killer out of me! 207 00:11:32,634 --> 00:11:34,869 Yeah, and what are you gonna do about it? 208 00:11:34,937 --> 00:11:37,805 I'm going to kill you! 209 00:11:37,873 --> 00:11:40,741 - Because of you, I'm going to Hell! - Language. 210 00:11:40,809 --> 00:11:42,877 Hell! Damn! Backside! 211 00:11:42,944 --> 00:11:44,311 Nothing matters anymore! 212 00:11:44,379 --> 00:11:47,314 I'm goin' down and my hand-basket seats two! 213 00:11:47,382 --> 00:11:49,582 Wake up, Flanders! 214 00:11:49,650 --> 00:11:52,552 There is no Hell, and there is no God. 215 00:11:52,619 --> 00:11:54,987 If there were, would He let me do this? 216 00:12:00,193 --> 00:12:01,860 Why you little... 217 00:12:06,331 --> 00:12:08,199 What happened?! 218 00:12:08,266 --> 00:12:10,834 Uh... Flanders killed Homer. 219 00:12:10,902 --> 00:12:11,835 But, but... 220 00:12:11,903 --> 00:12:13,770 But you're God. 221 00:12:13,838 --> 00:12:15,939 Couldn't you make everything the way it was? 222 00:12:16,007 --> 00:12:18,007 Well, I could. 223 00:12:18,075 --> 00:12:20,877 But the big man downstairs wouldn't like it. 224 00:12:23,414 --> 00:12:25,382 Get me a coffee! 225 00:12:25,450 --> 00:12:26,884 Yes, sir. 226 00:12:31,589 --> 00:12:33,190 Could this get any worse? 227 00:12:35,193 --> 00:12:37,227 Honey, come back to bed. 228 00:12:37,295 --> 00:12:38,961 Oh, for cryin' out loud! 229 00:12:50,246 --> 00:12:51,780 People, you are on the most 230 00:12:51,848 --> 00:12:54,416 inhospitable planet in the galaxy. 231 00:12:54,484 --> 00:12:56,118 Extreme temperatures... 232 00:12:56,186 --> 00:12:58,187 vicious indigenous life forms... 233 00:12:58,255 --> 00:13:00,690 Are there any questions? Yes? 234 00:13:00,758 --> 00:13:03,326 Are we in Kansas anymore? No. 235 00:13:03,394 --> 00:13:04,961 Well, are we in Nebraska? 236 00:13:05,029 --> 00:13:07,230 No! We are not in any state! 237 00:13:07,298 --> 00:13:09,199 Oh, oh, is it Michigan? 238 00:13:09,266 --> 00:13:11,334 Nobody talk anymore! 239 00:13:11,402 --> 00:13:14,403 You will now direct your attention to our C.E.O., 240 00:13:14,471 --> 00:13:15,871 Mr. Krusty the clown. 241 00:13:15,939 --> 00:13:19,208 We are here on this fakakta planet for one reason: 242 00:13:19,275 --> 00:13:20,975 Hilarium. 243 00:13:21,043 --> 00:13:24,011 Spray this in an audience and they'll laugh at anything. 244 00:13:24,079 --> 00:13:25,379 And I need some now. 245 00:13:25,447 --> 00:13:27,615 Gotta play a Nazi party rally. 246 00:13:27,683 --> 00:13:29,784 Oh, yeah, they're back. 247 00:13:29,852 --> 00:13:33,555 Our spies will go planet-side, locate said Hilarium 248 00:13:33,623 --> 00:13:36,325 and contact us so that we may begin extraction. 249 00:13:36,392 --> 00:13:39,829 This is a delicate mission that requires utter loyalty. 250 00:13:39,897 --> 00:13:41,698 I can think of no better candidate 251 00:13:41,766 --> 00:13:44,802 than the resentful guy in the wheelchair who has just arrived. 252 00:13:47,539 --> 00:13:50,640 Yes, I think this is gonna work out just fine. 253 00:13:53,344 --> 00:13:55,312 All strapped in? 254 00:13:55,380 --> 00:13:56,647 Yep. 255 00:13:58,483 --> 00:14:02,051 Now prepare to take an incredible journey across the room! 256 00:14:06,122 --> 00:14:07,522 Yo. 257 00:14:14,464 --> 00:14:17,934 Whoa! Check out this bitchin' bod! 258 00:14:18,002 --> 00:14:20,304 Oh, man, if I could just have 259 00:14:20,372 --> 00:14:22,507 five minutes alone with my old bullies... 260 00:14:22,574 --> 00:14:23,908 Hey, avaturd. 261 00:14:23,976 --> 00:14:25,109 Are you guys gonna beat me up? 262 00:14:25,177 --> 00:14:26,311 Naw, we can't. 263 00:14:26,379 --> 00:14:28,814 These avatars cost $80 billion each. 264 00:14:28,882 --> 00:14:31,650 But your human body costs nothing. 265 00:14:46,434 --> 00:14:50,538 Come on, let's bond, you stupid jerk. 266 00:14:50,605 --> 00:14:54,409 That's a Japanese outlet, Bart. You need an adapter. 267 00:14:57,980 --> 00:14:59,747 Oh, maybe I'll just take a taxi. 268 00:14:59,815 --> 00:15:01,049 Where you go? Where you go? 269 00:15:01,116 --> 00:15:02,350 No meter, is cheaper, yeah? 270 00:15:02,418 --> 00:15:03,551 No, thanks. 271 00:15:03,619 --> 00:15:05,853 Suit yourself, you one-eyed bastard. 272 00:15:07,656 --> 00:15:09,824 Aw, the only thing that looks good on this stupid planet 273 00:15:09,892 --> 00:15:10,758 are the bananas. 274 00:15:13,128 --> 00:15:14,095 Hmm?! 275 00:15:14,163 --> 00:15:16,231 Ay, caramba! 276 00:15:27,876 --> 00:15:29,243 Thanks, dude. 277 00:15:29,311 --> 00:15:30,978 I am a female! 278 00:15:31,046 --> 00:15:32,513 You don't have to yell! 279 00:15:32,581 --> 00:15:35,650 I am not yelling! This is my seductive voice! 280 00:15:35,718 --> 00:15:39,020 I am called Kamala. 281 00:15:39,087 --> 00:15:43,291 Oh! Even when we're monsters, he gets the girl. 282 00:15:43,359 --> 00:15:46,427 Fool! Every part of this world is alive! 283 00:15:46,495 --> 00:15:48,963 Apologize to sister rock! 284 00:15:49,030 --> 00:15:51,265 Sorry, sister rock. 285 00:15:51,333 --> 00:15:54,568 Now you've murdered our brothers, the flowers! 286 00:15:54,636 --> 00:15:56,603 Stupid! Stupid! 287 00:15:56,671 --> 00:15:58,871 Now you're having sex with Uncle Tree! 288 00:16:00,541 --> 00:16:02,474 Thank the Almighty Fungus you are wiser 289 00:16:02,542 --> 00:16:04,376 and cuter than your friend. 290 00:16:04,444 --> 00:16:07,212 Hey, what gives, man? 291 00:16:07,280 --> 00:16:10,349 And now let us touch testicles and mate for life. 292 00:16:10,416 --> 00:16:12,017 Don't you mean tentacles? 293 00:16:12,085 --> 00:16:13,618 I know what I said! 294 00:16:13,686 --> 00:16:15,487 Ay, caramba! 295 00:16:19,526 --> 00:16:22,762 Today you are a man. Mazel Tov! 296 00:16:27,702 --> 00:16:29,837 So... was it okay? 297 00:16:29,905 --> 00:16:31,639 It was serviceable! 298 00:16:31,707 --> 00:16:35,409 Ah, man, back on Earth we don't have so many moons. 299 00:16:35,477 --> 00:16:38,613 What do you mean, "back on Earth"? 300 00:16:38,681 --> 00:16:43,652 Uh... it's a place on the other side of this planet that's... 301 00:16:43,720 --> 00:16:46,255 very rainy so you can only see one moon. 302 00:16:46,323 --> 00:16:47,656 You know, like Portland. 303 00:16:47,724 --> 00:16:49,725 I never hear of this Port-land. 304 00:16:49,793 --> 00:16:54,229 But on Rigel Seven, lack of eye contact and too many details 305 00:16:54,296 --> 00:16:56,397 indicate the telling of truth. 306 00:16:56,465 --> 00:17:00,067 I love you, sugar-slime. 307 00:17:02,336 --> 00:17:04,037 Man, you are full of surprises. 308 00:17:06,073 --> 00:17:09,376 I can't believe I'm getting combat pay for this. 309 00:17:09,444 --> 00:17:13,047 Well done, young man! Our daughter is with child. 310 00:17:13,114 --> 00:17:14,281 Here. 311 00:17:14,349 --> 00:17:17,318 Feel the wonder of one million fetuses! 312 00:17:17,386 --> 00:17:20,489 You said you were using birth control! 313 00:17:20,556 --> 00:17:23,825 That only keeps me from giving birth while we are having sex. 314 00:17:24,928 --> 00:17:27,529 How do those mountains float? 315 00:17:27,597 --> 00:17:29,898 They don't. They are falling. 316 00:17:29,966 --> 00:17:33,702 Now that Kamala has a slug in the oven, 317 00:17:33,770 --> 00:17:37,772 we must make sure she gets her daily dose of Hilarium. 318 00:17:37,840 --> 00:17:42,042 Without it, her crankiness will become unbearable. 319 00:17:42,110 --> 00:17:45,779 Unfortunately our environment is too hostile to grow pickles. 320 00:17:45,846 --> 00:17:49,416 And the only flavor ice cream we have is butter brickle. 321 00:17:49,484 --> 00:17:52,386 no pickles, butter brickle. 322 00:17:52,454 --> 00:17:54,888 It is the Rigelian way. 323 00:17:54,956 --> 00:17:56,958 So, where can I load up on this Hilarium? 324 00:17:57,025 --> 00:17:59,127 Listen closely. 325 00:17:59,194 --> 00:18:03,598 The Hilarium is found in the sacred secretions of the queen! 326 00:18:11,406 --> 00:18:13,007 We have located the Hilarium. 327 00:18:13,075 --> 00:18:15,442 Lock in on my signal. 328 00:18:15,510 --> 00:18:19,279 Traitor! How dare you betray the planet I got laid on?! 329 00:18:21,648 --> 00:18:25,183 They're all in one place. Let's fry these calamari 330 00:18:25,251 --> 00:18:27,752 and dip 'em in a sauce made of their own blood! 331 00:18:27,820 --> 00:18:30,255 And wine from their own grapes. 332 00:18:30,322 --> 00:18:31,322 That's not so bad. 333 00:18:31,390 --> 00:18:32,757 It's a little bad. 334 00:18:38,531 --> 00:18:42,467 So Kamala, where do we keep all our tanks and planes and stuff? 335 00:18:42,535 --> 00:18:46,137 We have no tanks. Our planet will protect us. 336 00:18:46,205 --> 00:18:48,273 Oh, man, you sound like my art teacher. 337 00:18:48,341 --> 00:18:49,741 Look a little like her, too. 338 00:19:25,476 --> 00:19:27,711 I guess this is a good time 339 00:19:27,779 --> 00:19:30,180 to tell you I've been a double agent all this time. 340 00:19:30,248 --> 00:19:32,015 But now I am totally on your side. 341 00:19:32,083 --> 00:19:35,585 And this is a good time to tell you I have space warts. 342 00:19:35,652 --> 00:19:37,521 And I got them from Milhouse. 343 00:19:43,193 --> 00:19:46,229 Time for a good old-fashioned 344 00:19:46,297 --> 00:19:49,232 servo-suit/bulldozer-saurus fight! 345 00:19:58,776 --> 00:20:00,276 Dammit! 346 00:20:00,344 --> 00:20:02,746 Yo, Colonel! Uh, you've got some schmutz on your cheek. 347 00:20:02,813 --> 00:20:05,081 Where?... Here? 348 00:20:05,149 --> 00:20:07,384 Skinner...! 349 00:20:10,321 --> 00:20:12,456 Had they asked for the Hilarium, 350 00:20:12,523 --> 00:20:14,825 we would simply have given it to them. 351 00:20:14,892 --> 00:20:18,528 In Rigelian there is no word for "yours" or "mine." 352 00:20:18,596 --> 00:20:22,265 That's the reason we didn't enjoy the movie Yours, Mine and Ours. 353 00:20:27,003 --> 00:20:29,471 Halloween is over, which means, America, 354 00:20:29,539 --> 00:20:31,640 it's time to start your Christmas shopping. 355 00:20:31,708 --> 00:20:35,511 Infuse our stagnant economy with dollars you don't really have. 356 00:20:35,578 --> 00:20:39,614 And whatever you do, avoid the urge to make homemade gifts. 357 00:20:39,682 --> 00:20:44,819 Knitting one sweater for someone costs 27 Americans their jobs. 358 00:20:44,886 --> 00:20:46,453 And don't forget, Christmas 359 00:20:46,521 --> 00:20:49,023 is a wonderful time to take up alcoholism. 360 00:20:49,090 --> 00:20:51,625 Come on, you see your family all year round. 361 00:20:51,693 --> 00:20:54,595 The holidays are for your bartender. 362 00:21:01,771 --> 00:21:04,107 When are we doing the Black Swan? 363 00:21:06,544 --> 00:21:08,478 == sync, corrected by elderman ==