Аз вярвам в Норвегия.
Винаги съм казвал че това е най-добрата страна в света.
Но тези проклети политици са направили бежански лагер близо до моята къща.
Това беше преди три месеца, и от тогава не съм спал.
Другият следобед наминах до тях, за да им кажа едно-две неща.
Взех кучето.
Бях учтив, но те отказаха да намалят музиката.
То започна да лае.
Счупи челюстта му.
Обадих се в полицията но те ​​не правят нищо.
Защо отиде в полицията? Защо не дойде при мен първо?
Знам, че... Но... това беше преди.
- Преди какво? - Преди да разбера що за човек сте.
Добре.
Someday, and that day may never come I will call shovels of snow.
But, until that day comes accept this, as a gift.
- We will look into your problem. - Thank you.
We should get a joint christening gift for Johnny. What do you think, my brother?
No. I'm knitting him a gift myself.
What the fuck? Is that not a bit feminine? There are plenty of men who knit now.
Who? Have you ever heard of Arne & Carlos?
You are a cute little knitter. Aunt Torgeir. Aunt Torgeir?
"I think you're so cute" Just kidding with you, you know.
Cheers! Cheers!
One of the scandinavians told me something funny yesterday.
Why are all British chicks so fucking ugly?
Because the vikings raped and kidnapped all the pretty ones.
For fuck sake lighten up will you I said I'm sorry, didn't I
Should we stop for fuck cheer you up
right lane fucking driving it's not natural
You are now approaching Lillehammer
- So tell me godfather, we are set for tomorrow - You bet your ass. And you know what?
We gonna sit on the front row, because I've bribed the church boss. So we get front row
- Ringside? - Yeah - I love it. - Yeah
And one more thing... I made this.
What's this? "Assburn and Assberg"?
It's the name of your babies. Asbjrn and Asbjrg.
What? Didn't Sigrid tell you about the names?
My twins not gonna be know as the asstwins. You should straighten things up.
I didn't know it was the godfather's responsibility to..
I gotta to take this, boss. Yes, Torgeir.
"Assburn"?
Fucking hobos They don't respect for nothing!
And stay out, you fucking bum
- Boss? What? - What? What are you doing with the priest?
What I do with what? He is the priest !
Ohh Jesus Christ I'm sorry, your Excellency! I thought you just another homeless jerk-off stealing from God.
Do you want to go in and sit down?
- Is everything OK? - Yes everything's fine.
He looked a bit dizzy, didn't he? He'll be alright.
How does that look...? A little further to the left.
Yes, there. A little... a little further down.
Check that out, Yvonne.
- You Dag? - Yeah - Duncan. Which talked on the phone.
Wow! It is even cooler than the picture on the Internet.
Now?
I have a client who is been looking for exactly this type of car.
- And may I make myself clear about, no paperwork. - Yeah. Yeah. No paper work.
Customer... Oh the potential customer also prefer cash payment
That's music to my ears, mate.
Hi there ! Are you enjoying the Norway so far?
Oh yeah. This is wonderful as my first chlamydia.
Is that the reception? Fantastic location. Quiet and calm.
There's our guy. Right there
Woah! Where do these refugees from? Ibiza?
Hey! You have to turn down the music!
Randi? Hi Jan! How nice. It's been a long time.
I'm so close to sending a complaint to the Imigration Authority.
Are you aware that one of your residents attacked your neighbour's dog
My god, that's so cruel.
Daddy's home! Have you missed me?
What's the matter? You can't hear me.
Woah! Woah! Woah!
What the fuck!
Rules to live by...
Always do exactly as you're told by the crazy fuck with gun in your face.
Ohh! And the Lillehammer canine society says hello.
What's happened with you? You used to have the tidiest desk in the council.
It has been a little tough for me. Trying to cope with the transition to the private sector.
Now the pieces fall into place. Really?
African salad.
I actually had a summer job working for the United Nations in Somalia in 2002.
Not the first time I've seen a Khat plant, Randi.
I got a some from a Somalian to make me cope with the work pressure.
- Relax, I can put it away tomorrow. I'm in full control. - I have to report this to the Immigration Authority.
- I can quit tomorrow. I'm in full control. - I cannot let this lie, I have to report it.
Do you remember that night, in the inventory room?
After the Desmond Tutu conference? Do you remember that?
Where you been? Manager needed some professional input.
You know, I thought these refugee stuff was all do-gooders, but there is business opportunities here, ha?
Yes, there are loads of money in integration.
Look in to it. See if we can get in some action.
Ahh, look at you! Look at these guys, ha.
Did you not know? The christening is cancelled.
The priest has a concussion, I think.
Ah.. Probably because you knocked his head...
Bye, bye.
You know? This could be a bless in disguise.
Give us the chance to throw out the whole ass-name situation.
- Good thinking ,boss. - Yes. You know...
I've saved up for the buffet all day. Then it got cancelled. I am starved.
Throw a bit more onto it there... - That's 45 kroner. - Plus a soda.
- Then it's 60 kroner. - I'm not going to pay for it.
- You forgot to ask if I'm having a drink.
- That's at Statoil. - Nope, that's everywhere.
It's free if you forget to ask a customer if he wants a drink.
Hello.
So... How are my future Olympics swimmers going? They kicking the other kids asses or what?
Looks like "David Hasselhoff" over there trying to get score.
I stopped by to discuss the baby name crisis. What name crisis ?
Well sure you are aware of it, but...
In my language ass prefix has an unfortunate connotation
Maybe the priest doesn't like us? Come on... Everyone loves Johnny.
Listen, don't worry about a thing, alright. Take care of our future gold medalists
then we fight round two of the baby name game later.
Padre, you gotta a minute?
Hear there has been some difficulty rescheduling date of baptism. What's that about?
You're still holding grudge what happened outside of the church. It's straight.
- I don't follow you father. - Come on... You're a bad influence in the city.
I can assure you, I had no part in that scenario.
I can see you had beef with me. But it's not very christian taking out of kids.
I ain't bow my head to no god hang out with a hip hop hippie trying to be witted.
My god is a proud Catholic god. He looks down on skateboards and gay hat-wear.
Sorry about all the drama, we didn't wanna spoiled the surprise.
- Do you remember that little chat we had? - Yeah.
Yeah well.. Suddenly it hit me.
What if, he's right. Maybe, I'm not contributing enough to the community?
So... I got this idea.
We've built a ramp for you and the kids.
Only the best for my kids priest.
- Are you hiding from me? - No.
Well, I sincerely hope you got my Ferrari or pile cash lying around here somewhere.
Please, sit down.
I have some... not so good news.
I take my "not so good news" like I take my blow jobs: stood up!
- You see... The car is stolen. - Stolen?
Yeah, yeah, but all I need, is a signature on some papers...
Paperwork really ain't my cup of tea.
Why don't you just take me to the gentleman whose borrowed my car.
I think it's about time me and him had a little bit chit-chat, don't you.
I am so sorry, we have issues with the professional secrecy here.
- Do you know what I've issues with. - No.
Dishonesty. I can't tolerate it.
I think it's not a bad time I told you the story about my football supporting days.
- I follow the team call Millwall. You heard of us? - Yeah.
Back in the day we had a bit of reputation to being a little bit naughty.
Can you believe that?
On this one occasion, the old bill they came up with this new set rules
that might have virtually impossible for us to take weapons into the to matches.
Killjoys. So one of our lads, really grave gazer came with this genius idea.
Excuse me.
We called it the Millwall brick.
Now?
Do you wanna start talking to me? or do you wanna start talking to the brick?
- That's from me. - It was... nice, I think.
- Yeah, I knitted it on my own. - You know I believe that.
You go right ahead. Take care of business.
I am very proud to say...
The moose we are serving in here today, was shot by none other than godfather himself.
Let's hear it for him.
- Salut - Skl
Bon apptit
- The boy, heh - Yes
Hello? Randi?
- Hey, hey, Randi! - Hey!
- Dear... - Take of your caps.
- Dear Asbjrn and Asbjrg. - Bjrn and Bjrg.
What the fuck?
- You're okey, my old friend? - Yes We had to leave now! I can't stop this!
I think you should ask your godfather about how he really shot that moose!
Fucking pieces of metal! Please tell me, you are not serving roadkill at my kids baptism!
- What? - Shut up! What kind of godfather are you?
I should have been pick someone more responsible, like Jan!
I... I... I... I didn't... No... How could...? I just...
- Is the party over already? - Yeah.
Wrong turn when car part starting the show up in the dead animal.
Maybe ... this will help? What is it?
This looks like a quite a bargain. It worth ten times as price.
- You know... You are a fast learner. - I have a great teacher, that's all.
Come here.
- Private party here tonight . - I will deliver some flowers. - What kind a flowers? - Forget-me-nots.
You went down like a sack of shit!
Good evening, you bunch of silly old fuckers.
Somebody in this fucking shit-hole has borrowed my beautiful yellow Ferrari!
I would like it back! Please.
Fucking cunt!
Come on here, you fucking shags!
Vikings? I fucking shit them!
You're the hero?
Nice and steady. That's it.
Shh...
You got it.
Bang!
I've never fire a gun before. Does this work?
Fuck me.
Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's going on over here?
- Are you the proprietor of this establishment - Yes, this is my club.
- And you making quite mess of it. - Am I? Oh yeah.
It appears that one of your clientele has misplaced my vehicle.
Come on, my friend... Let's have a drink and take it easy.
You are not my friend, I don't drink, and I haven't taken it easy since 1991.
Now, where is my fucking car?
Ohh! I wish I could help you to find it,
So I could stick it up to your fucking limey ass !
I like to propose a toast...
to one less American.
- Jesus fuck, what was that all about? - Long story .
I make time.
Jesus... Oh god...
All right, boys...
I let you for days magnitude for this fuckup
But I... I could better get a task in the hand
- Now I... - Excuse me.
It's what we gonna do:
Get the car up to Faberg bridge, bring Wayne Rooney's ugly brother would you?
- Make it look like traction problem. - Traction problem?
- Did I said "Questions" - Not exactly .
Then shut the fuck up! You got this?
And with those words of wisdom , I bid adieu.
So that's where you had been hiding?
What's up buddy? Did you see his eyes?
Yeah, yeah, I saw his eyes. Did you see his gun? You did what you had to do it there.
- Yeah. I always fuck up. You know. - I can't disagree with you there.
But... Take on that crazy fuck with knitting equipment... That took a balls.
Yeah. I am a fuck up.
Come on. Pull yourself together, godfather .
I'm still a godfather? Yeah, you saved our ass there last night.
But... But what about Jan? Isn't he a more responsible type?
Look, Jan is good for business, but he don't have the heart.
Okay. So I'm still a godfather. I promise, I won't fuck up again.
Let's not get too hasty with promises
- Let's take a one day at a time. - Yeah.
I'm still a godfather. I'm still a godfather.
- Hello - Danny? It's me. Rosemary. Look, I ain't got long so just listen okey.